Peak of the Sun, a Jacob Bella fanfic
by yeahwhatever
Summary: The Sun shines brightest when in it's peak.   Bella finds herself broken when Edward leaves her.  Trying to fix herself won't work.  But Jacob can do it, Jacob can try.  Loving him is easy...   But all love comes at a price. Rated for future chapters...
1. Introduction

Introduction – The Aftermath

Everything was dripping away off the edge of that cliff that I barely hung onto with my chewed fingernails. Slipping into the abyss like the fragile things that they were. Gone were all of my hopes and dreams, my memories... No. Not my memories. My memories were all I had left.

Left.

He left me.

He didn't want me. Not anymore. He didn't love me. Everything was lies; I had known from the beginning, of course, that it was all too good to be true. Him, her, the rest of them. I didn't belong in their world. I was only kidding myself to think otherwise. Nothing could have prepared me for this.

I am alone, abandoned.

I ran as hard as I could through the forest that night. Willing myself to stay upright and fight for him. If he was really gone, I wouldn't break. I promised myself, I would be strong. Pushing past all the natural things to try and find him, to prove it was a dream. He was my saviour so many times before, why not now? To no avail. There was nothing.

There is nothing. Nothing inside of me. I am empty, not feeling anything. My heart had crumbled and cracked, fell through. I was broken, even though I did not want to be. The hole where my heart was seared; as my open wound was on show for all to see. Nobody here to fix me. Maybe I do not want to be fixed. I am not worthy.

He will never come back.

I am numb.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – Awakening

"Wake up! Wake up, Bella." Charlie mumbled while he shook my arm.

I had been screaming again. I wondered how long until my body gave up and stopped trying to convince myself that I could find him. I knew deep down that I couldn't, but my mind wandered when I was sleeping. Sleep came easily to me, but mostly I fought it off. For Charlie's sake. Not mine. I wasn't important.

Looking at Charlie now was a slap in the face. A well-deserved one too. He was tired. Worn out from all this to and fro through the nights. I knew he was trying to fight sleep most nights too, just so he could wake me when things got too tough in my dreams. Charlie couldn't keep this up. I couldn't, no, I wouldn't let him.

"Bella?" He looked at me worriedly. "You okay? I mean, really, really okay?"

I sighed and smiled timidly at him.

"Yeah, just some bad dreams, Dad."

I am a liar. My dreams are vivid and never-changing. I am always searching for him, always searching in my mind. He is nowhere. He took everything.

Charlie left my room, looking seriously worse for wear. I had to do something about this. I needed to do something, if only acting, for Charlie. How can I be so selfish? How? Charlie never asked much of me but lately he was always staring at me. Worry in his eyes. He suggested everything to me. Ice-cream, chocolate, a holiday, new books, clothes, shopping, some time off school… And I had gotten most of it without even answering him. I felt so bad for Charlie. But nothing could plug up this hole in my chest. Well, almost nothing.

It was six in the morning so I got up, showered and decided to make breakfast for Charlie. Thinking about the hole in my chest immediately took away my appetite. I put on some coffee and eggs for him, while he watched from his seat at the table.

"You don't have to, Bella. You always cook for me. It's high time you went out for a meal, with friends. Where have all your friends been, kiddo?" Charlie seemed to get panicked as he kept rambling on. I decided to just shrug it off. He walked up to me and grabbed my shoulders and shook me. I just looked at the ground, shuffling my feet. He didn't shake me hard, just a motivational gesture, but there was nothing I gained from it. I left to get ready for school.

The phone rang downstairs. "Swan Residence? Yeah, hey Billy, how are you? I'd love to but… I know she has been like this for some time. It's not… I know. Yeah, you're right, Bill…. I just don't like leaving her. She screams all night. It's disturbing… Oh, okay, if you're sure? He would? Well, that's great Billy, we can do it over here then." The phone was hung up. I heard Charlie complain about my disposition before, but never to say I disturbed him. His voice rang in my head. It's disturbing.

I'm disturbing?

Charlie came up the stairs hesitantly. Something was up.

"Bella, um, you know Billy and I have our annual barbeque…" He trailed off.

Putting two and two together, I finally got four. I nodded before he could continue. "Charlie, do you need me to cook for you and your old buddies?" He tutted at me before smiling and continuing with his earlier attempt at explaining it to me.

"…well, we wanted to have it at Billy's. But, I'd prefer to do it here. I hope you don't mind me having the guys over; I don't want to keep you up all night. It's just, normally…well, normally we'd have it at Billy's. And the good news is…Jacob is going to come over with Billy. To keep you company. You haven't seen him in a while, I know you need some teenage interaction, Bella." Charlie smiled knowingly at me. But he didn't know anything. I would have to pretend to be happy and enthusiastic around Jacob. Billy and Harry didn't take much notice of me. But Jacob. Jacob was so outgoing and happy all the time; he wouldn't want me to be downing his mood. Charlie was still looking at me hopefully, as if I was the parent and he needed the permission.

I smiled and told him it was a good idea. I told him I would need someone to talk to other than him and the other old goons, which earned me a grin from Charlie. It was nice to see him smile. I didn't want to brush off on him. I was miserable enough for the both of us.

School at Forks High was the same as always. Drizzly weather meant everyone was stuffed into the cafeteria together at lunch, which was not uncommon here. Forks was a dull place. I had to share my usual table in the corner alone with what felt like half the student body. We were all crammed in together, condensation running down the windows. There were shouts and cries, gossips and secrets told from one table to the next. I suddenly wanted to be a part of it all. I wished I could be that normal girl. Like Angela or Jessica or Lauren. Not worrying about mystical creatures that left me to feel like a psycho. I wanted to be in the thick of things, well, not totally in the middle, but somewhere on the outskirts. Not far away in the beyond like I was now. I was absolutely and definitely the least interesting person in the whole school. Nobody looked at me anymore, everyone averted their eyes from the broken girl.

That's what I am after all. The broken girl. I have no concept of social interaction. I have no friends. Renée's words rung out to me. "Have you tried, Bella? Don't you want to try anymore?" She had been frustrated with my lack of communication. All she wanted me to do was speak with my old friends.

At that moment, I knew I had to do something. For my parents. For… for me. I knew I needed it. I knew my mind craved to listen to the goings-on in a teenage group for once. A normal group. My cheeks burned with the thoughts of going over there. I could see them all. Angela and Ben both heads stuck over a book, Jessica and Lauren gossiping profusely no doubt, and Mike and Tyler probably having a discussion about sports. I knew I could handle this. Surely none of them would bring...him... up.

So I stood up awkwardly. Nobody turned around. Well, that was expected. I hadn't been heard from in so long that people just assumed I wasn't going to interact with them anyway. I looked at my feet as I sauntered over towards the table.

My breath caught in my throat. I pulled out a chair and plopped down.

Every mouth at the table dropped.

"So…you're back?"


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Alive, Again

Lunch went well with the guys. After their initial shock of course, it had been tempting to leave that table from the moment I had sat down. They settled quickly with my unwillingness to talk too loud or even join in their more personal debates. I couldn't bear it in case they reminded me of him. If they got too comfortable they might slip. I had to keep them with me on the edge of no return.

Angela had been the most welcoming. She had smiled at me warmly and squeezed my hand under the table, whispering over to me that she had missed me. Angela was so sweet. She was the nicest person I had met here at Forks High. How had I gone so long without seeing her?

I needed some alone time with her, without Lauren and Jessica's discriminating eyes. They were not top happy about my immediate acceptance into the group. No doubt they had gotten used to not having me around quickly. I didn't like that, that they could drop me like that.

Wait.

That's what I did. I had looked at Angela in horror when that realisation had hit me. I had totally zoned out. I hadn't even given her an explanation. I stopped taking her calls, stopped answering her questions in class and I even stopped looking her in the eye. She must think I'm horrible, or disturbing like Charlie. How could I be so naïve, to think that they would welcome me back with open arms.

My panic was short-lived. After lunch period, Angela and I got talking on our own. I told her my fears about my becoming a loner and leaving them all without a word. She assured me that it was okay. That we were okay. That helped me a lot. I felt a temporary bandage crawl into place over the hole in my chest. It wasn't healed but, almost as if it was covered for a while. I didn't question it, I just decided that if it made me feel better, I was all for it.

I had expected it to be excruciatingly painful to sit there with them after all this time. It wasn't. It was… actually sort of pleasant. I was able to numb myself in a different way. I felt lost in their words, but at the same time, I felt alive again. I felt like I had been asleep all this time. How hadn't I seen that my friends would have helped me through this. I must have known that, I was afraid.

He wouldn't have wanted me to wallow. He would have wanted me to have a life. Although, for the moment, I seemed to be using my friends for the numb coating they created over my wound. I knew it would be temporary but it was something. When that pain numbed for the first time in months, I felt free. I felt like I could have dropped to the floor or cried to the heavens.

My reactions weren't what they used to be. I was slower on the uptake than everybody else at that lunch table. Tyler had had some pictures of himself as a kid, funny pictures. Everybody seemed to get the joke but all I could see was the smiles, and it took me minutes to follow along. I was the slowest sheep in the flock. Smiling along with them didn't feel natural like it used to. I felt like I wasn't able. I had forgotten how.

"Bella, could you get that?" Charlie called from the living room, breaking my reverie. I had been so engrossed in thinking about today's turn of events that I barely even heard the phone ringing. I left the oven mitts back down on the counter and shuffled over to the ringing phone.

"Hello? Hello?" I was about to put the phone back down when a breathless voice came on the line.

"Hi, Bella? Hey, hey, it's Angela. How's it going? Listen… I was just in town and I heard a new bookstore is opening…TONIGHT!" She gushed out details of times and addresses to me but I hardly registered them. I knew exactly what she was getting at and she better prepare for the fall.

"I'm cooking dinner, Angela, sorry. I can't come down there now. I can't leave this…" I moaned at her.

"Bella, please. Everyone knows you haven't been out of the house in months. Your dad would love for you to come down. I'm sure he'd love it even more than that dinner. Please, Bell?" She added for extra sympathy from me. Angela knew how to make me feel guilty. Suddenly the phone was ripped from my shaking hands. I hadn't heard Charlie come in.

"Wherever you're taking her, she's going to be there!" Charlie yipped excitedly into the receiver. I heard Angela jabbering on again about place names and Charlie nodding his head along with each noise from the line. I was so mad.

Was I angry, though? I supposed it was good that I felt something. It wasn't better than being numb, now I had two hurts to deal with. The embarrassment of Charlie speaking to Angela to arrange me going out with her, and my open wound. I decided to ignore him as he smirked at me. He saw my anger. He was delighted. Even I was shocked at his…his…audacity. He had practically wrestled me for the phone to tell Angela I was going wherever she was taking me. He didn't even mind where. I was beetroot red as I rushed upstairs to get ready, signalling him that the casserole was ready in the oven.

Getting ready was harder than I had thought. I just decided to leave myself the way I was an I paced my room for a while. I began to get dizzy thinking about ways in which I could get out of this girls night. I knew a bookstore opening didn't count as a girls night, but for me and Angela, it was heaven. I decided that even if I didn't want to speak with her, I could just pick out a new book to scare myself to sleep with and be done with the evening quicker than trying to ignore it.

I walked slowly back downstairs and Charlie was eyeing me up tentatively.

"Kiddo, I know I shouldn't have…"

"No, its fine, Dad. I have to start somewhere. Angela and I need to talk anyway, we haven't in so long." I tried to lace my weak voice with sincerity but I knew by the look in Charlie's face that it did not work.

The drive into town was not that long, as there was no traffic at this time of the evening. I picked out Angela's car on the sidewalk; she was at the parking meter. I pulled in behind her, my truck chugging and spluttering its greetings. Angela turned and looked at me with an expression that mingled fear and pride. She almost seemed confused, I didn't know why as Charlie had decided my fate tonight. We walked in silence to the store. It was empty and it seemed Angela was the only person who had wanted to go to the opening night of a bookstore in small, dingy Forks.

The store was painted black from the outside. I had a red sign simply saying Books across it in block letters. There was something dingy about the place. I had a smell of must and old books, mingled in the air with stale tobacco smell and something I couldn't put my finger on. We looked into each other's eyes and each returned the knowing gaze. This place was a dump. We quickly scanned the shelves with our eyes, and the salesclerk who was busy chewing gum and texting on her cell phone, and left again.

After we got outside, Angela invited me for an ice-cream. I couldn't refuse and being with her, even if only in silence was enough to tape that temporary cover back in place over my empty heart. We ended up in a cute little café, talking amicably about school work. I could manage this, we weren't talking about people or music or cars or love. It was just what I needed. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I realised I could trust Angela. She understood me. She knew what I needed and what I wanted to avoid.

I like Angela even more after that night. I got such a rush just feeling like a human being again. It had been so long. I wasn't overly enthusiastic about all of this, but it was help enough for the time being.

When I lay in bed that night, I felt alive. For the second time that day, I felt alive.

* * *

_**A/N - Hi, Just wondering if you would all like me to continue on with the story. It doesn't seem like it but it is a Jake/Bella story.**_

_**I'm trying to go along with SM's character of Bella as best I can to fit her in here. This isn't going to be an all out relationship from the beginning, I want it to seem realistic.**_

_**If I get just one review or anything, I will post up the two chapters that I have finished... They're also a bit longer than these. I don't want to hold out, just worried that nobody will like my story, my version of things...How they should have been! :) No offence SM...**_

_**Bye!**_


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – New Friends**

That feeling I had had yesterday, the alive feeling that had rushed through my bones and tried to claim me, it didn't last long. At this stage I didn't think anything much ever did. I woke up to Charlie's anxious voice and a very sore throat, again. It seemed like one day of putting a plaster on my wound was nothing, didn't even count. It hadn't been worth it; all of my efforts. They had been in vain. Nothing was going to fix my heart, not properly, not ever.

"Bella, I love you, kiddo, but you need some help." Those had been Charlie's only words to me this morning.

Tears pricked my eyes as I waited for a lecture that never came. He was worried, poor Dad. He didn't know what to do with me anymore. Why did I always have to get emotional at a time like this? I can go without feeling for months, yet when my father suggested help, everything that I had bottled up left me, and hot wet tears rolled down my cheeks. I struggled to regain my composure. Charlie was really worried now. I just stood there looking at my feet, my favourite pose for defence and let the tears flow. I felt a weight being lifted off of me. I didn't know what it was, or why it had come with this wave of emotion. All I knew was I could not stop crying.

Charlie kept me home from school. It was a Friday anyway, so I knew everyone would be as behind as me by Monday. Fridays were the one day in school that everyone was almost guaranteed to have a day filled with daydreams about the upcoming weekend. I cried harder thinking the Blacks and Harry were on their way down that evening. I would have to put back on my mask. Cover up my scars for one night.

I stood under the stream of boiling water in the shower. Trying to will away all of my ill feelings. I felt lost. I couldn't understand why yesterday hadn't worked. It was the first thing I tried, I knew but all of my deductions in my head made sense. Social interaction should have helped me, as much as I didn't like it. It hadn't though. It didn't seem like anything ever would. As I got dressed after that, I focused on how wrong I had been yesterday, to think that all of that would keep me numb when I was alone, was like wishing for the sun in Forks. Of course, it would last for a few hours, my elated presence but when it all came crashing down, it came down hard.

The afternoon flew past. I busied myself cleaning and scrubbing while Charlie went to work. He was very sympathetic towards me before he left. I could understand he was probably confused as to why I was crying in the first place. It wasn't the first time he had suggested help for me. I loved Charlie but all of his worrying about me really was not necessary. I could deal with this alone.

I didn't need to cook dinner today, so I settled for preparing the kitchen table for five people to eat. Five people was a lot in this house, as it rarely ever saw even the two that live here eat at the same table. Charlie and I weren't very social, or open with one another. I felt like crying in front of him today had opened up some channel of communication, and I wanted to shut the door on it as fast as I could. Charlie could not want to talk more about this; he had been pushing the boundaries these last few days.

I could be numb again when the guests arrived. The Blacks, Billy and Jacob, were from La Push. They were wonderful people, who I just didn't want to spend my night with. As much as I knew I could cushion myself in their meaningless conversation, I didn't want that. I wanted to be a separate from the whole lot of them. My choice, not theirs. Harry Clearwater was from down on the reservation too. He was a good friend to my Dad, and always came along wherever Billy was involved. I liked all of them. But I knew that that wasn't going to be enough. I would struggle to keep up tonight. At least Charlie had insinuated that I would be left alone for the evening. Which was great. I looked forward to that alone time. I always enjoyed time alone. Thinking about _him_. Thinking about him didn't make it easier, or harder. Just bearable. I convinced myself that he was real. He had to be real. He had taken everything with him. I missed his cool touch, his marble skin, his eyes. Those eyes that had always drawn me in. I moaned now, whimpering in pain while I pictured his eyes. Every time I had looked in his eyes I had seen a pure soul, even though he said he didn't possess one. I had seen it, I had wanted to keep it with me forever. I thought he had wanted that too. All good things must come to an end, as they say.

I did not want to let go to mine though.

The guys arrived just after Charlie, so I was bombarded with people all at once. A good point to this was Charlie didn't get to discuss our earlier meeting. Billy rolled in, with Harry and Jacob behind him. He smiled at Charlie and greeted him just like the oldest of friends would. Harry said nothing just raised a six-pack of beer at gave a cheeky wave to him. Jacob rolled his eyes in his head when he thought nobody was looking.

I had to say, Jacob had grown since I had last seen him. He must have been…gosh he must have been well over six feet tall now. And he had lost a lot of his boyish features, he was gently outlined with muscle all over. Jacob was growing up. He caught me watching him and grinned. His smile. His smile was wonderful, it was captivating and it warmed the empty space inside of me. His grin turned into a chuckle and he looked away from me.

Billy had a tortured expression in his eyes as he watched me. He looked at Charlie and wheeled past towards the back door. Harry followed.

"Come on, buddy, let's get this grill started up."

Charlie sauntered outside after him. Billy always cooked their barbecues. I stayed inside not knowing what to do. It had been so long since I had last had this type of dilemma. Jacob was obviously going to hang out with me tonight. I wasn't happy about that. Charlie had planned it. I knew he had. Well, Jacob wouldn't fix me. I barely even knew Jacob. Although, we had been friends as children, I remembered with awe. How had he gotten so big?

I knew I would get on well with Jacob under normal circumstances, but these were not those. I sauntered away and up to my bedroom. I needed something to take my mind off of things. I opened a book and started to read. Wuthering Heights was my favourite. My all-time favourite book. I read over the bit about Cathy not marrying Heathcliff because of his lack of status. I wondered if that was how he felt about me. That I hadn't been enough for him. I began shaking uncontrollably at that thought.

"Are you alright? Food is ready, Bella, your Dad said to come up." Jacob had just put his head around my bedroom door. I nodded and followed him downstairs. I did not feel like eating. It did me no good as far as I could see. It was not going to fill the void in my chest. I knew that much from experience. I could feel my eyes begin to prickle. What was with me today and crying? I had to stop this. I swallowed back the tears fighting their way out. I knew that Jacob only came here to talk to me, because we hadn't talked in forever, but I just did not feel like it. He didn't push me mind you. Jacob kept his distance the entire night. But then things took a turn for the worse.

The sounds of drink-induced laughter and song drifted up the stairs. I tried to concentrate on my book. I would have work in the morning but I didn't want to sleep with those three downstairs in the way they were. I heard steps on the stairs. Jacob. What did they want this time? I put down my book and waited for him to open the door. He tentatively walked in.

"Save me" He begged me with his eyes. His eyes had something in them, some kind of hope, warmth or some other warm feeling I knew I hadn't seen a lot of this last while. It felt good to look into them. I laughed. Not a real laugh but my usual simper.

"They are the worst I have ever seen when they get together. I haven't seen them this carefree in a long while. So how are you, Bella? I mean…um, how's school?" Jacob awkwardly avoided the question he obviously knew the answer to already. His eyes looked pained now, as if I hurt him just by looking at him. I realised that I wanted the warmth back in them so I answered him.

"It's okay. I suppose I can't believe it will be over next year, you know? I have a lot to think about! What about you?" I hadn't steered a conversation in so long, I was surprised I knew how to ask him a question. He looked shocked too, then his face broke into another heart-warming smile.

We bantered back and forth like this for a few hours. Charlie staggered up the stairs then.

"Bella, I told you, you needed company for this, hic. You – you- you- had to start somewhere, hic. I'm proud of you, Jacob, son – hic. They guys cant drive home Bella, would you?" I started to protest but Charlie raised a hand. "They-they can stay here. Could you sort out some beds? Please?" He added a bit nicer this time. I sighed and started towards the closet where we kept the sheets and bedding. Jacob followed and I realised he wanted to help me.

"Give me those, I'll carry them downstairs for you, if you want me to?" I blushed and Jacob snickered at me, grabbing the blankets from me and running down the stairs.

When I got down to the living room, I saw the mess that would be waiting for me in the morning. Harry was strewn across the armchair, leg resting on the armrest. His mouth was agape and he was snoring slightly. It was quite funny. Billy had been settled on the couch. Charlie had known I would turn down offering to drive them home at this late hour. Jacob was watching me for my reaction to the two sleeping drunks in my living room. I smiled shyly at him and threw the blankets over the two men.

I rushed out of the room and something overcame me.

I laughed. I was laughing. It amazed me that I still could. I was shaking uncontrollably for the second time that even only this time it was not with ill feelings. Tears ran down my face but not those caused by my broken heart. Jacob watched me with a puzzled expression set across his face, which made me laugh even harder. I was being childish but I hadn't laughed in so long that this was a foreign thing for me. Suddenly Jacob broke out in a laugh too, a hard, husky laugh. It boomed through the room and made me even more giggly. The two of us just stood there laughing in the kitchen looking at each other.

A bond formed then. I knew Jacob was special. He was going to be my friend. He was going to make me laugh. He would warm me.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – Addiction**

It turned out that I liked the heat.

Charlie gave me knowing smiles the next morning over breakfast. I had cooked everybody up a nice fried meal; I knew Harry and Billy needed it anyway. They both looked very strained and uneasy. I guessed it had a lot to do with the extra beer Charlie had kept for occasions like that one. That store was empty now, I thought to myself. I rushed out to work not even bothering to say goodbye. I was embarrassed for my endless laughter last night with Jacob. I was embarrassed for him and for me. He had thought I was laughing at him, and when I tried to explain, everything got sort of sticky.

"I didn't Jacob, I wouldn't laugh at you. You're the least funny… No. Um, you're not laughable. I was just laughing…" I had trailed off, my cheeks turning crimson. Jacob seemed to know what he was doing, he had taken my hand and squeezed it and said that everything was okay.

But it wasn't. Just because I had laughed with Jacob last night did not mean that I would laugh every day. It had been a moment of weakness. I had let my walls that I had built up so carefully down for him. I knew we would be friends but I didn't want him to think I only needed him to laugh. I knew that he knew all about my strange behaviour over the last while so I knew what he would think if I started to hang out of him now. I knew it would be wrong of me to do that. So I settled on just smiling at him this morning and not initiating any conversation. It would be hard considering I was designated to drop all of them off over in La Push before I went to work in Newton's. I didn't like the idea of being alone in a car with Billy and Harry. These were dangerous men. Their words could cut like knives if they wanted them to.

"So, Bella, how is work in Newton's? Do you see a lot of hikers there?" Billy asked innocently. I knew what he was getting at. Billy was looking for gossip. There had been this whole thing over the last while about bear attacks in the woods. Billy needed to know if I heard any of the attacks second hand or if I even saw any of the hikers.

"Lots of hikers, Billy, but they mostly stay on the closer trails or they go way up north. I think everyone knows about how dangerous it is here for the time being." I answered him back stately.

"Sheesh, Bella, you've forgotten where I live!" Harry yelled at me from the back of Charlie's police cruiser. I had had to drive that because of the amount of us and Charlie wasn't going anywhere while he still had alcohol in his system from last night. I had to chuckle at Charlie's misfortunate headache this morning as he had the night shift tonight. Charlie was just happy to see me chuckle.

I swiftly turned the car around and back down the road we came up, turning off where I had forgotten to before. We pulled up at Harry's minutes later. He hopped out and thanked me and told me he'd see me soon. I wasn't so sure about that, I barely ever saw Harry.

I rounded the next corner to the Black's house. I had always liked this house. It just screamed home to me. It was a small red building with a makeshift garage round the back, and it was surrounded by the forest. It a lovely setting to grow up in. I was jealous of Jacob.

"See ya, Bella. I'll call you later." Jacob shouted to me form near the house. I could see Billy smirking, while trying to look sincere. He couldn't hide his humour from me.

I barrelled down the highway towards work, after I had collected my truck at home. I hated driving the cruiser. I wasn't looking forward to spending the whole day cooped up with Mike Newton and more than likely a shop-full of overexcited hikers. When I got to work, however, Mrs Newton was there, which was strange as she was normally off getting some beauty treatments done. She looked out of place in the shop. She was collecting lots of products from the shelves, boots, jackets, pants, traps, bags… I couldn't imagine how she held them all up.

"Mike, add these up. Come on, Mike. Hurry along. Oh, hi Bella. When you have a minute, go in to see Mr Newton, in the office, dear. We have some news!" She rambled on excitedly while I looked quizzically at Mike. Mike looked sad about something. Whatever it was I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it anymore. I was still on a high from last night. I hadn't thought about _him_ all night. Jacob and I had laughed for so long I was worn out. I didn't wake up screaming, just whimpering, which was strange considering I couldn't remember my dream for once. But nobody had heard me.

I knocked on the office door, and entered. Mr Newton looked up expectantly.

"Welcome, Bella. I have some news. I don't know if you'll like or not, Mike certainly doesn't. I and the whole family are off on a hiking trip. We're setting off right away. I just need a holiday and I'm sure the family does too. I didn't want to wait until the break from school. I hope you understand, we won't be opening the shop for some time. With none of us around, I don't see the point and we're not all that busy lately anyway. We won't be back for a couple of weeks."

I stared in amazement at Mr Newton. I had thought he was going to fire me. He chuckled and assured me that he wasn't. It was like he knew what I was thinking. I shrugged it off and told him I had study to catch up on anyway so it might work to my advantage. I wished him well on his trip. On the way out of the shop, Mike stopped me and told me he would call me when he got home. I smile measuredly at him and left the shop. I was happy for them, able to go away on a whim and not worry about anybody looking for them.

I couldn't leave though. I couldn't go anywhere. I was waiting to be found by those that had chosen to leave me here. I knew they would come.

I got home and showered. I was tired from my lack of sleep last night and I knew I needed a nap. I took out some homework instead. I was distracted though.

I was trying to picture Jacob as being my friend. I knew it was inevitable we would see each other; our fathers were best friends, so I wondered what had my stomach in a twist about it. I hadn't been so eager to talk to someone in quite some time. It was stifling. I wished that I had time to see this coming. I wanted to avoid this kind of contact with people.

Before I knew it I was out pulling out of the drive way and headed towards La Push. My truck stopped noisily outside of the small red house that I liked so much. Jacob came running out in the rain and greeted me with a big bear hug.

"I would have called, Bella. What happened to work?" Jacob smiled a genuine smile at me and I couldn't help but feel myself respond. I liked the way he made it easy to act human.

"It was cancelled. I know you would have but I decided I would surprise you!" I exclaimed in a voice that didn't feel like my own I hadn't used it for so long. I guessed I would never feel like this again. I felt carefree. Like all I wanted at this moment was to have a laugh with Jacob.

"So, what are you doing today?"

I was feeling very brave today, so I just went along with it when Jacob told me that he and his friends were going down to the beach. I had been to the beach before. First beach was a beautiful place. That was the place where I had spoken to Jacob about …him… This was where I found out what they all were. I told Jacob that I was up for it but I had no jacket with me and it looked like rain. He offered me one but I couldn't imagine any of his clothes not being like a dress on me. I was so right. It was a total dress; he gave me a big dark green coat with a hood. It was warm and that I was thankful for.

"Who's your girlfriend, Jakey baby?"

"Hey Jake, Hey…Um. Who are you?"

Jacobs friends were total polar opposites of one another. I was introduced to the two boys. Quil and Embry. They were nice, well, Embry was nice. Quil was a slight bit obnoxious. He had a broad chest which he pushed out ahead of him, as if to make himself look bigger. Embry was thinner and taller than him. Both seemed very interested in who I was and where I had come from.

After they learned my name, we started to walk down the beach. The guys chatted easily with each other. I had never had that sort of a connection with anyone. They seemed to be able to talk about anything with each other. I liked that sense of comfort around them. It was lulling me into a secure place in my head. I felt lie nothing could harm me while I here with these boys. Jacob paid special attention to me throughout the day of walking and talking, joking and laughing. I was staring to let go of my worries, I left them on the beach. I knew they would creep up to find me later but being here now made that worthwhile.

"So, um, guess we'll see you around Bella, that is, if Jake doesn't scare you away!" Quil teased as him and Embry left me and Jake alone for the rest of the walk back to the Black's. We chatted animatedly all the way, laughing and joking. I felt like I would never stop laughing. When we arrived at Jakes, Billy was ecstatic to see us together. His eyes moved over our body language and he smiled. His smile was contagious. I was happy now that I had found this friend in Jake.

"You kids have fun down the beach? I hope you're hungry." Billy guffawed at us as he rolled out of the kitchen doorway and we caught the smell of pasta. I was starving after walking for so long that morning, so lunch sounded great. We chatted as we ate and I even kept a plate to bring home to Charlie when I was leaving. Charlie was more than happy that I had spent the morning over at Jakes.

I was worried now. I was alone again and I knew the feelings would come back. I knew my raw wound would reopen again. I knew I would pay for ignoring my hurt for so long. But it was worth it. I like spending time with Jacob. His friends were a little annoying, but what teenage boys weren't? I figured I would like to spend more time with Jake though. He had such a gentle demeanour and I wanted as much of that as I could absorb.

The next day, I rushed over to Jacobs' again. Embry was outside and he told me that Jake was on his way. He looked a little surprised to see me but I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. Quil arrived as we waited and I greeted him with a smile. He told me that he was more of a man than Jacob. I just laughed and told him that they were all still boys to me. He groaned like a sad puppy as Jake appeared. He squinted at Quil.

"What have you been saying to her?" He looked disgusted. He gave me an apologetic glance and I returned it with a giggle. I did not need him to be sorry for the immature Quil. He seemed annoyed though. He told me that they were going to the beach again, but for a swim this time. I tagged along and just sat on their shirts as they all ran down to the water's edge and threw each other in. I laughed at them and felt truly happy. I knew I wanted to be here.

I lay back on the sand and closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on the heat of the sun. I liked the heat now. I used to cringe away from it, but the more time I spent here, the more I appreciated how seldom the sun seemed to shine.

I promised myself that I would keep this feeling up as long as I could. Well, on the weekends. For as many weekend s as I could. The guys were so happy that it shone off of them and shined on everyone who stood near enough. I really enjoyed it. The heat, the warmth, the sun, the laughs.

I think I may have gotten addicted.

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**_A/N - I don't like authors notes so I'm trying to spare you,_**

**_ but I just needed to say that more will be up later,_**

**_ so please let me know if you like it, thanks!_**


	6. Chapter 5

_**A/N – Sorry for inaccurate description of scenery, I live in the back of the beyond in Ireland!

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**_

**Chapter 5 – Wrong Turn**

"Come on, Bella, please? You can drive us, you know you can! We can't yet… Not until Jake gets the Rabbit sorted. Please, Bella, I'll be as nice as Embry from now on, I promise?"

Quil was definitely cut out for begging. He was a sturdy boy for his age and yet when he begged me like this all I could see was a two year old pleading with his mother. I laughed at him, which then turned into a moan. I realised I was not cut out for standing up for myself. I didn't have the spine. But Quil knew I was going to give in anyway.

"Only if you're twice as nice…" I muttered, defeated. The guys had been begging all day for this. I owed them this much because they did keep the pain at bay. I found that over the last week, the hole in my chest was softening at the edges. I knew the pain would never lessen but I was able to control myself better. I could breathe when I thought of …_him_. I could not bring myself to say the name. I wouldn't drag up those kinds of emotions. Not in front of the guys.

Jacob was eyeing me wearily. He looked like he was going to send me home. Just like he had before, last weekend. We had been down on the beach, when Quil and Embry started to talk about when they first seen me; last year on the same beach. They started reminiscing, and they didn't know about the whole…thing. They both started talking about how stupid I had been: trying to invite …them… down to their beach. They laughed and joked about it all but they didn't see how difficult it was for me to breathe then. Jacob noticed. He slapped the guys over their heads and nudged them towards me. I had my arms cradled around my thin frame. Trying not to let them see me fall apart. I promised myself I would not break, not for them. Jake had sent me home, after Quil and Embry apologized. I mumbled back at them saying I wasn't well.

That was what I admired most about Jacob. He was so strong, in both senses. He had the courage to stand up to his friends for me. He always made sure I was okay before he did anything. Afterwards he always dealt blows to tweedlededum and tweedlededee.

"Hey guys. Where are you all off to?" Charlie looked shocked to see the three huge teens standing in his kitchen. I had to admit, I hadn't noticed how big the guys had gotten in the few weeks I had been hanging out with them. They all flashed huge grins at Charlie and looked at me, cowering by the door.

"Dad, we're going to …ugh. We're going to go hiking. Near Lake Crescent. It looks really…fun." I exclaimed to lots of jumping and patting on the back form the boys. Charlie suddenly had a stern look about him.

"I'm not going to lecture you kids on this. Just be careful. Take care on those trails, and always make sure you stick to them! I won't be sending out a search party for my daughter. And watch out for any bears… You know I can't understand why all of these attacks all of a sudden. Just make sure you're all focused on that." Charlie was such a liar if Embry hadn't have coughed I'd say that would have turned into a full blown lecture. Jacob and Embry assured him I would be taken care of, and that they knew this trail off by heart. I wondered how they could have possibly known it, when they didn't have any means of getting near it.

I collected my things upstairs. Throwing some spare clothes, just in case, into a bag and donning my hiking boots (bought with my discount at Newton's), I rushed back down to the guys. They all stopped and looked at me. I just huffed and kept moving out towards my truck. My new friends followed me and piled in. Jacob and Embry sat in the back, while Quil joined me in the cab. It wasn't a very long drive, only about thirty minutes. Quil settled himself down, throwing his feet up on the dash. I slapped his big hoofs away, laughing at his over-confidence.

"My Bella, you do look nice today. I wish Jacob wasn't so hung up on you, then maybe I could have a chance."

I watched Quil in shock from the corner of my eye as he slid over on the seat. Wow. This boy was too much. I bust up laughing at him. Sniggering came from behind us as Embry and Jake were in hysterics at Quils attempt on me. I knew Quil wasn't serious so I just took humour from it, but what he said about Jake…

No. Never mind. Why was this even bothering me? It shouldn't. Maybe it's just bothering me because I want me and Jacob to be friends. If he ruins it… What will I have left?

I felt myself blushing as these thoughts raced through my already crowded mind. I was worried about hiking today. I hadn't been hiking in a while. The last time I had been in a forest… I shuddered to think about it. That was the time Charlie really had sent out a search party. It had been a Quileute man who found me. Sam, I think. Charlie had been talking about him for weeks afterwards. Even though I hadn't been around much, I still heard him raving about that Sam kid from the Rez. He and his friends had found me while they were in the forest. Although I didn't know, nor want to know, what they had been doing in the forest, I still had respect for them for bringing me home.

We pulled into the parking lot just below the start of the trail. The guys all had mischievous grins on their faces. I was starting to get suspicious. We walked along in silence for some time, just enjoying the forest. It was a beautiful place. I loved the smell of the forest.

Shining through the trees came the sun, blinding the four of us. We seemed to be alone on this trail today. I thought this had been a popular trail, from what I heard at Newton's anyway. As we walked up a last rock-covered slope, there was a huge break in the trees. A huge valley spread out below us, a river flowing through and lots of trees surrounding it. My breath was swept away with the cold winds that whipped at our faces as we all stood, watching the forest unfold beneath our feet.

"Bella, we'll be right back okay?" Jacob whispered in my ear. I nodded staying perfectly frozen where I was. I loved this place. I promised myself to come up here again. I needed this. This was where all of my inhibitions would leave me, spinning with the wild winds pushing back and forth through the valley. I felt a tear seep out through my eyes, it fell down my face, resting near my pointed chin, and then it was blown off with the wind. I watched my hair dancing around my face, every part of me was rejoicing for this beautiful place. I sat myself down on the ledge, carefully. I didn't need to be clumsy old Bella at a time like this.

I sank into my thoughts and came up gasping for air. The guys had been gone for a while. I didn't know what had kept them. I worried, noticing I had no sense of time. I heard a shuffle in the trees behind the clearing and squinted towards that space. A man walked out.

Not just any man.

A perfect man. A beautiful man. He had dark skin with a sheen to it, almost giving the effect of moonlight over his perfectly sculpted features.

Where were the guys?

I panicked.

"Ah Bella Swan. So nice to see you. I knew I smelled something… delectable. I have been in town visiting your dear friends, the Cullen family." Liar.

How dare he follow me? How dare he? I wished that bear would come. Why is it that the bear can eat up every other hiker but miss him? I took a deep breath.

"Laurent… I haven't seen the …Cullens… in quite some time actually. If you're asking me where they are I do not know." I tried to keep my cool. I feared he would see through my calm collected ruse.

"Ah, so you do know that they are not here. You are unprotected. Alone. Poor Bella. But how could he ever have kept you, pet as you were." I felt my body begin to shake. He took a step closer to me now. I thought about what he had said, maybe I had been just a pet. Maybe they had gotten tired of keeping me with them, so they left me here on my own. I knew I was never good enough for them, but this was a new revelation for me.

"Bella, I know you are sad. But I will make this painless. The one who will come for you will make it harder. She will torture you. I can ease it a little. I won't drag it out, I promise, dear."

I heard a wolf howl somewhere deep in the forest. I hadn't known there were wolves around these parts. Not the habitable parts anyway. Laurent stopped pacing toward me and flipped around, I saw his eyes before he did so, and he was daring me to move. I took his dare. I stepped to my left so I could see what it was he was looking at. Here she comes, clumsy Bella. I fell down, crashing my thigh against the rocks jutting out at the edge of a path. I saw a dark patch stain my jeans where I had hit. I heard the slight sniff as Laurent smelled my blood in the air. I cursed myself, why hadn't I learned to walk on my own two feet yet.

There were more howls from the woods, distracting Laurent. It seemed he had never heard a wolf before. They were getting closer after all. The copper smell reached my nose and I held back the gag reflex. I stuck my nose up in the air and took a deep breath of fresh air. I could not move now, Laurent had backed up even closer to me.

"Bella, it seems you had company that you didn't share with me about. I am not impressed. Maybe I will take a leaf from Victoria's book after all." Who was Victoria?

I remembered now. Victoria had been James' mate, the one who _he_ had killed. Anger flowed through me for a second. Then I remembered the rest of Laurent's statement. How could he have known I had company when none of the guys were in sight?

Just as that thought electrified my mind, there were more rustlings by the trees. Laurent froze, again.

Emerging from the trees came two of the hugest wolves I have ever seen. One was taller, with thick black fur and large piercing eyes. He stared at Laurent, it seemed this wolf had picked his death. The other was only slightly smaller and was a dark grey colour. He had a huge gash down his back. I hoped these wolves were not looking for their dinner, I was the only edible one hear. I whimpered into my hand which had come up to my mouth in shock.

The next series of events happened so quickly that I have trouble remembering them correctly. I had tried to creep backwards but got cut on another rock. I decided staying still and trying not to be noticed was my best option. Laurent had pelted for the trees quicker than the eye could see, but it seemed he was not too fast for these wolves. There was still more howls emanating from deep in the forest. There could not have been more of these freak wolves. In a second after Laurent had taken off, the largest wolf sped after him. I had never seen an animal on four legs move so fast. He was almost supernatural like the vampire. I shook my head. I was delusional. The large grey wolf sidled nearer to me and squealed softly. He looked at me while I shuddered and covered my head with my arms. I was praying, hoping, wishing he would go after the other wolf too.

My prayers were answered, he sped off within seconds. I ran the whole way back to my truck, looking out for the guys but they were nowhere to be seen.

Tears poured down my cheeks. I was in hysterics by the time I reached home to Charlie. He looked at me puzzled. I told him I fell over and I was hurt. He huffed and got up from his game to help me bandage up my cut leg.

"I'll kill Jake." I told him it wasn't Jakes fault; he hadn't left me out of his sight. But he had. And now he was dead. I was sure of it. The guys wouldn't have left me alone if they knew there had been a strange man, let alone a vampire nearby.

I went straight up to my room and sobbed into my pillow.

I woke up screaming that night, dreaming of all the people I loved being tortured by a vampire with fire-red hair.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Take my Sunshine Away**

When I woke the next morning, the rain was pounding against the window. I didn't even register that it was Monday and I would have to go to school. Charlie came in to my room when he heard me shuffling around. He sat on the bed and told me to rest it out for today. He told me that I should keep my leg up, and told me that I was okay. I didn't understand why he was being so nice.

I suddenly had the urge to get sick. He knows. Jake, Quil, Embry: all dead. All killed by a bear in the woods. I bet those wolves were the bears everyone was talking about. There were two. I should do something. But, no, I kept my mouth shut and swallowed my feelings. I allowed that familiar numb feeling to wash over me.

Jake had been my fix. He had been my fix of pure sunshine when I had needed it most. I felt the clouds resume their smothering of my feelings until I felt nothing. It was just like before. Charlie told me that he and Billy had plans to go fishing.

What? Why would they fish? How could they at a time like this? I looked in shock at Charlie and he chuckled absentmindedly. "You could just get Jacob to come over."

"…But, isn't he?..."

"No, Bella, he's fine. I didn't kill him, this time. But he'd better take better care of you in future. In fact, Billy told me he was sick after you all got back from your hike. He's been put to bed rest for a few days. So I can forgive him for now! Maybe Quil or Embry will come over to you? Or you could go visit. Best check with Bill first though, eh, Bells?" Charlie chattered away to me while I was soaking it all up.

Jake had lied, to me and to Billy. He told me he would be back to me on that hill; the three of them. Where had they gotten to…?

I swallowed my fear and rushed downstairs, to find a stressed looking Billy in the living room. I asked him if I could go and see Jacob. He sighed. "No, Bella, he's too sick right now. We wouldn't want you to catch anything, now would we?" He looked me over as if surveying me for any sign of damage. Satisfied that I wouldn't fall apart, Billy called Charlie from upstairs. The two of them got out of the house as quickly as they could. But not before Charlie warned me not to go hiking again.

I was torn. I wanted to kill Jacob for leaving me there yesterday but I couldn't tell anyone about the current dilemma. There was nobody in Forks that could help me fend off a vengeful vampire. Hell, I didn't even think anybody within 50 miles knew they even existed. I broke down in tears on the couch. I hadn't felt so alone since…he…left. This was his fault. I didn't like to blame him. I love, no, loved him. I don't think I felt that love as fully anymore. I knew my heart was expanding to love Jacob too. But I knew the difference in the type of love, my love for Jacob was platonic, pure and innocent. My love for the other had been unrivalled. It was passionate and all-consuming. Thinking about it now, it was very consuming. My whole life had been with him. I had wanted to be like him, but I would never admit it to anyone but myself. That would never happen now. I wasn't forgiving but I wasn't letting go either.

I wished I have expressed my feeling better to ...him. I had always felt inadequate. When he left I knew I was. I knew I had to have been. I wished that that magical curtain of rain has washed over me and allowed me to show him all of my feelings. I wanted to scream it out for him. Hoping he would understand. But I knew he was not listening for me anymore. I no longer sang out to him. And he no longer appealed to me. I had thought that if he came back I would have run into his open arms with joy. I wasn't so certain anymore. I felt betrayed. I had been left to deal with all of this on my own.

One thing I had to look forward to was Spring Break with Jacob, Quil and Embry. I knew that they had to have some good things planned for us. A whole two weeks of sunshine. I would be glowing after that. I sat up and wiped away my tears. I was fine. I was always fine. I kept thinking about how much I wanted Jacob to get better, so I focused on that. I really liked Jacob being my friend, my best friend. Quil and Embry were great too. I decided to give them a call.

I dialled Quil's cell phone first. It hung up after the first ring. He must be busy, I thought. Embry next: same, no answer. Now things were getting strange.

Two hours later, the rain still pounded down outside. I grabbed my vat of homemade soup for Jacob and lugged it outside to the truck. I ran inside and called the Black's house, before I called down there.

"Hello? Black Residence, hello?" The husky voice I had come to rely on answered. No sign of any sickness though.

"Hey Jake. I heard you're sick… so I thought you might like me to bring you some sss…" I started.

"No, Bella, Goodbye." His tone was harsh and unforgiving. I didn't understand. I thought Jacob and I were friends. How could he brush me off like that?

I needed air. I couldn't breathe. This couldn't be happening again. Everyone had been lying to me all because Jacob didn't want to hang out with me anymore. I wasn't good enough. Rejection shot through me like a bullet. I ran outside, forgetting to bring a jacket with me. I ran to the trees at the outskirts of my back yard and kept walking through the forest. I was blind to the romance in the trees today. I just needed to walk. I didn't know where I was going but as long as my legs didn't give out some time soon I would be okay.

Jacob, my sun. He had left me. I know I couldn't be sure yet but this feeling was hard to deny. It just felt like the same thing over again. I knew it had to be worse to have two holes in my chest now. Both searing with pain, and longing for my only source of life left here. I would be truly alone now. I knew I had my friends at school, but they hadn't been the same since I started my informal chat with them. Angela had been but she spent all of her time with Ben, her love.

I fell over something hard on the ground and landed on my face in the dirt of the forest floor. I looked around me. I didn't know where I was. I let out a strangled gasp as pain tore through my head, making it spin. I had too much on my mind. Oh, Victoria, come take me now. Nobody else wants me.

I thought things had been going well with Jacob. I knew he liked me as more than a friend but that couldn't be helped. I needed my sun and he knew it. I allowed him to drag me in, closer and closer. He was an extraordinary person and I loved him for it.

Loved him?

No.

As my best friend.

Maybe…?

I was so confused. I lay down on the mix of undergrowth and branches beneath me. It was cold and wet and it prevented me from thinking about anything warm.

I woke up on a blanket in my backyard, and it was obviously evening time. The rain had died down. I looked around me and saw a rustling retreating into the trees. I caught a glimpse of deep brown hair between two branches. Who could that be?

I felt better now. Someone had been looking out for me. I was not hurt nor did I feel strange. I felt totally fine, physically. I was whole anyway. However shredded my insides may be, I was whole on the outside and I had to put on a good act for everyone around me. I couldn't keep having these episodes.

"What are you doing out there, Bella? The sun hasn't been out all week." Charlie called to me displeased with my obvious mental breakdown. I knew the sun hadn't been here. He had been here all week though…

"Coming, Dad. Do you want dinner?" Charlie looked pleased as I offered him his favourite meal: his catch of the day. "I've invited Billy round for some, but he declined. He says Jacob is too sick. Maybe you can see if he wants some dropped over?" I shook my head at Charlie.

"No, Charlie… I rang earlier to see how Jake was. I made soup and everything, asked him did he want some and before I could finish he… He… h-" I couldn't finish, it would only make it more real. My whole day had felt like a bad dream. But I knew that they were yet to come.

Charlie looked defeated. His eyes dropped to the floor and I knew he could see the zombie in me return.

"I'm just feeling a little cold. I'm going upstairs for a shower, I'll get started here when I'm done." I rushed upstairs. I collapsed against the back of my bedroom door and slid to the floor. I held my arms around my chest and tried to make my breathing slow. As I held my breath I saw something in the trees, below my window. As I walked nearer it moved. It was a bear. No? No. I think it was a wolf. Had that thing followed me here? Oh my, what would I do?

But just as I had started to panic again the brown shape flew off into the trees, and I heard a long wailing howl tear through the sky.

Then the rain came down again.

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**_A/N - For someone who doesn't like authors' notes I sure do write some!_**

**_Just wanted to say thanks to those who have put this story on alert, _**

**_and to the three who reviewed so far. :)_**

**_I'm happy to keep writing no matter how many!_**


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – Shield Me**

So, here I was again. Back to this black world where the darkness never seemed to fade. I was stuck underground and nobody could hear me scream. There was no warm hand waiting patiently to pull me out of the shadows. No bright shaft of light shining down to take my attention from the black to the pure good. I was lost, everyone could see my pain but nobody could help me to fix it. This was a never-ending labyrinth of pain that just seemed destined to take its toll on my small frame.

I had stopped eating. I had stopped talking. My only sounds were just echoes of who I had been before. It had been three weeks. Spring break had passed in turmoil of screams and sleepless nights. Not even Billy could look at me anymore. School passed by in a haze of books and tests. I knew I would eventually have to talk to Angela again. After everything she had put up with from me at the start of the year, I owed her this. But I couldn't face it. I couldn't face the sympathy in her eyes once again, or the probing questions that ran deeper than she'd ever know.

I had thought this pain could only be given by ..._him_. He had been supernatural. He had been my world and when he left everything I loved was questioned. This was worse. These had been real people. Real humans, with no dangers associated. They didn't want me either. Not one of them.

"Miss Swan, please go to see the principal." I was shocked. Nothing over this whole year had elicited even a visit to the guidance counsellor but now I had to go see the principal. I stumbled from the room to the tisks coming from my teacher. I thought English had been my best subject; how could he send me out. I longed to be alone somewhere, to sink into the locker covered walls. I arrived at the office and sat down.

Charlie was in there. What was this?

"Bella, we are sending you to a counsellor…" Everything went blank. I didn't need a counsellor, what was he thinking? This man didn't even know me: how could he possibly know whether or not I needed a doctor. They tried to tell me it would help. That all of my feelings had been normal and would ease over time. I gasped for breath. I couldn't keep up with all of this.

I was so angry with Charlie when we got home that afternoon. I was scheduled for a visit from a doctor at home the next day.

Charlie raised his hands in the air in defeat. "Bella, you're my daughter. Don't get me wrong but you're scaring the shit out of me. And I am so happy to see some sort of emotion in your eyes even if it is anger at me." He made me even angrier. I was so frustrated. I couldn't believe he was doing this to me. I promised him I would do more around the house, cleaning and cooking and I would do better in school, I would pay more attention. He didn't want that though. He said he wanted the old Bella back. I was curious as to what he meant.

"I would rather if it was back when Edmund left you…" I crumpled in on myself. The hole in my chest burned me; I had to hold myself together so I wouldn't fall apart. I made a decision there and then. I didn't want to hurt Charlie anymore. I would see the stupid counsellor.

The meeting had gone well. I had made a lunch for the doctor and we sat at the kitchen table; discussing my 'feelings'. It hadn't been too hard to nod and smile at the right moments. He had talked about branching out and making new friends. He had talked about trust issues and that I shouldn't let these people back into my life, because they had caused me too much pain. He was right. I shouldn't have been pining over losing the most important things in my life. I had life.

But I also had a lot to worry about. Victoria could come back for me whenever she wanted. She was always going to be a threat to me and I had no way of stopping her if she did want me dead. At this stage it was as if the only person who would notice was Charlie. I had to fix things with Jacob and the guys. It was only hope to be happy again, they had made me feel so alive. I needed them in my life. Even if only for one day. It was obvious they didn't want me anymore, but if they just spoke to me about it. If they had just explained what I had been doing wrong. I could be better for them.

I was resolved. The counsellor said I didn't need him. I didn't explain my decision to go and see Jake and the guys.

My cell phone was ringing from my bedroom. I ran up and answered it; wondering who could be ringing me. The caller ID was blocked.

"Bella, it's so good to hear your voice. I didn't mean to be… but I saw you make your mind up about something… And then… You disappeared… I was so worried I had to call. I'm sorry. Whatever you're doing, don't give up so easily Bella." Alice Cullen. Her chirpy voice was laced with insecurity. I was so relieved to hear her voice. Now I knew that they had been real. I wasn't delusional. It surprised me that the hole in my chest didn't protest in agony against me hearing her voice. "Bella…?"

"Alice, Alice, is that you? I can't believe you called me. I'm fine. I haven't done anything. Why are you watching me? He said it would be like you never knew me. Please Alice, is he okay?"

"The main thing is that you're okay. Maybe your life has separated from us. I can't understand why I can't see you anymore. I can't see anything. I'm blind."

Alice was always so melodramatic. I had so much to ask her but she didn't seem to want to talk. After I had assured her I was okay she ended our conversation, apologizing profusely for looking for me in her mind. I had to admit I was never so happy to hear someone's voice. Even if she did not want to talk to me. She had avoided my question about him…

I ran downstairs, caught up in my moment and said goodbye to Charlie. I leaped into my truck and pushed down the familiar road towards La Push Reservation. I didn't know what I would say or where I would go. Billy had warned me off going to see Jake at home, so I went to First Beach. This was the only other place that the guys would be, that I knew of.

As I sat on a piece of driftwood at the empty beach I began to feel strange. I felt as if someone was watching me. I looked all around but there was nobody in sight. A shudder ran down my spine, now I had another problem to deal with. Now I was paranoid. It started to drizzle again. Typical, just when I was getting comfortable here on the beach, basking in my memories.

"Go home, Bella." I turned around so quickly that I fell backwards off the log I was perched on. I felt large hands pulling me up off of the wet sand. I was shocked when I looked up into the eyes of the strange man. He was not strange at all.

"Qu-Quil? What happened to you?" I wondered aloud. It certainly looked like Quil. But I couldn't be too sure. He was even bigger than the last time I had seen him. His hair had been cut off, leaving his chiselled features on show. He face was the ultimate change. His eyes were no longer playful like the old Quil, his eyes were hard and strained. He had an angry expression on his face, distorting his face even more than the muscles he had accumulated.

"Go home." He repeated in a hard voice. I had never heard Quil speaking like this. It hurt to hear his voice this way. It was the thing I had dreamed of; his voice, any of their voices. But now it seemed like a nightmare. How could he sound so cruel?

Suddenly, I heard shouts and cries coming from the line of trees on the far side of the beach. I saw a group of large guys, just like Quil, walking towards us.

"Please, Bella, go now… You'll be hurt even more…" Quil's features softened, his old face came through, his real face. He looked like the sixteen year old he was now. But did he mean he would hurt me? Did they know what it had been like for me? I had so much to ask of him. I didn't have the time though because I could see the group getting ever closer. As they picked my tiny frame out behind Quil's I saw them each stop in their tracks. I couldn't make out who they were, but the largest figure ran up to us.

As Sam Uley got closer, I began to get afraid. These were the guys who hung out in the woods all the time. Quil shouldn't be hanging out with them.

"Hello. My name is Sam. I don't know if you know me…. You better leave before anyone sees you here." I was adamant that I would not leave just so that they could do whatever they wanted here on the beach. It was a public place after all. I shook my head. Quil raised his eyes to heaven and looked apologetically at Sam. He almost looked afraid of Sam. I wasn't afraid of him.

"Sam, thank you for that time in the woods. I know I owe you, but I'm here to relax on the beach. I don't have to go just because your friend…" I glanced at Quil. "…doesn't want to see me." I stuck my chin up in the air indignantly and shut my eyes. I hoped I gave off the air of confidence that I was aiming for. Sam looked pitiful of me. I didn't need his pity, I wanted to drag Quil away and demand answers from him. I decided I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of knowing I had been upset; if he didn't know already. I felt myself turn crimson at the thoughts.

There was more shouting from the direction the group of large teens were and I watched with my eyes squinted. I was shocked. I drew in a deep breath. Quil saw.

"What the hell is going on here, Quil? Have you three ditched me…for…for this gang? Was I not fun enough? Is that why you left me on that cliff… where… I… I… fell…" I stammered as I realised I had been about to talk about Laurent. Even thinking about how close I had come to being sucked dry that day, it got my blood pounding in my ears. Quil looked torn between talking to me and following Sam back towards the group. I knew he could see through me. He could see the grey bags under my eyes and the purple hollows in my cheeks. He knew I was afraid. He knew why I had come down here. There was pity in his eyes now. Did I really demand that much pity from everyone?

I was pathetic. I was so confused. They ditched me to hang out with a gang. A gang that did God knows what every day. I had seen Jake and Embry standing behind two other large teens. They looked wretched. Their faces had changed like Quil's. These boys all looked the same. Like brothers. They even all wore the same clothes: cut up jeans and nothing else.

I stomped back up to my truck in the parking lot. I hopped in and sobbed down onto the steering wheel. I heard more shouts from the beach. It had seemed like the guys were fighting. Maybe they were playing like they used to do when I was around. I knew now that I had made a mistake in coming down here in my spontaneity. I had never been a spontaneous person. I was always reserved and quiet but it seemed this tough time I was going through brought out new traits in me.

I drove slowly home. My head was spinning so I couldn't concentrate properly on the road. I ended up parked on the sidewalk in front of my house. I was frozen to the seat. My head was still reeling so I just sat there and waited for the thoughts going through me to slow down. Charlie came out and I wasn't even sure what he said to me. I just sat there. I ignored him. He gave up after a while and went inside. I sighed and decided I had better follow him.

As I came in the door I heard Charlie mumbling on the phone.

"…don't know what I'll do with her Bill. How can she be so cut up about this? I wish there was something I could do. …I know, I know. Not his fault. But maybe if he just explained why to her? What do you mean he can't? It can't be as complicated as me watching her slowly die… I know I'm dramatic but Billy that's what it feels like. She won't eat, and I know she's not sleeping because I'm waiting up every night for to start screaming. …Billy, Billy… I don't want to fight with you over this, it's their problem."

I backed out of the doorway again. I really had done it now. Charlie was afraid for my life. Little did he know…

I needed something. I needed some sort of a cover up. I needed to hide behind something… And I think I knew exactly what I needed. I needed to change. I needed something new in my life. I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I scrubbed myself clean of the day's worries. I had devised a plan. If I changed my appearance, maybe my mind would follow.

As I used to scissors to shear through my long hair, I had no regrets. I chopped my hair up to my shoulders, in a straight bob just underneath my chin. It wasn't so bad but I didn't care how I looked anymore. With my new style, and weeks left to finish school for the summer, I thought I could open up some new doors. Maybe I would find something to do so that my mind wouldn't be riddled with thoughts of my own pain.

As I watched my long wisps of hair fall to the floor I felt new. I felt different. I felt lighter.

"What the hell have you done?" Charlie was mad. I couldn't understand why. It wasn't his hair. And it did look okay. I kind of suited me. The new angles in my face from not eating pointed out and matched with my sharp new hairdo.

"I'm starting again, Charlie."

But I knew I couldn't always shield myself behind my hair. I had tried to shield myself before, with new friends and old friends. But these things didn't always work out.

Charlie left me alone for the night then. I promised him I was not being unreasonable. That I had wanted this for a while. I explained that I needed some change in my life. I heard him muttering to himself as he left the room. He was disgruntled and worried about me but I didn't care. He would get over it.

I lay on my bed. Waiting for sleep to come.

There was a light tapping in the background. I wondered what Charlie was doing downstairs. At this hour he should have been going to bed himself. He had a long day of work ahead of him. I got up to go and check what he was doing, when there was an even louder bang.

That was too close.

I spun around.

I was not happy to see the face that was staring back at me through my window.

I _wish_ I had a shield now.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 - The Return**

**

* * *

**

_I wish I had a shield now._

_

* * *

_

…

I ran to open the window.

I was betraying my new sense of change.

"Bella…"

I stopped him before he came any further. He was perched on the window of my bedroom. I was not supposed to let him in just like this, with no warnings or no explanations.

His face was so different. None of the boyish charm was left, his face was taut and his eyes were wild. His hair had been cut short. His huge frame filled my window, blocking all of the light from moon outside. I couldn't believe how huge he was now. He had changed so much. I couldn't even handle one small change, already turning my back on it.

I backed away from the window. I ran my hand through my short hair, wishing that none of this was real.

"Please, Bella, say something…"

I could not believe him.

"What? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to apologize for not being enough for you? Do you want to be sorry that I'm not good enough for you anymore? Is it my fault that the only way you could think to get rid of me was to leave me on the cliff that day…?" I wasn't really mad, I was begging for answers. Jacob knew this. _My sun_ was in my room yet I felt no heat.

A lone tear trickled down his cheek. I was not going to fall for this.

"I miss you, Bella." Yeah. Right. If he had missed me, why hadn't he come sooner?

"Bella…Bells. It's not what you think. I would have come… if I could have. And that day on the hike, well, everything changed. We didn't know what was going on, it was so…" He stopped as if choked by an invisible force. "…Well, I can't tell you. But we had been planning a surprise for you. We only went to get set up, and then… well, there was…uh." He coughed a loud bark. I was sure Charlie would hear him. I looked behind me worriedly.

"Tell me, Jake. If I mean so much to you, tell me. I'm begging you. Please. I miss you guys too. I just don't know what I did wrong. I'll be better I promise, just please don't cut me off again."

Suddenly, I realized that Jake and I, we had a connection. I did not know if it meant we were more than friends, but we had carved deep into our friendship when it began. I had been so close with him. He had known all of fears by just looking at me and now I felt like I was naked in front of him. He could see all of me.

"It's not you, Bells. I promise it's definitely not you. But everything will be okay. I can't stay here. I just needed to see you. After earlier at the beach… it just felt so bad to hear the pain in your voice. I need to know that you'll be okay. That you'll look after yourself. Just give me that, Bella."

"Jake… I… Hang on. How did you hear me talking at the beach? You were so far away."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, leaning on me as he got down from the sill. His feet made no sound as his weight rested on my wooden floor. Odd.

"Bella, I can't tell you now. Maybe another day. Sometime in the future, I'm sure you'll figure this out. You're smart. You have dealt with this sort of thing before. You can figure this out. The guys wanted me to say hello for them."

How did the guys know he was coming here? What did he mean I would figure this out?

It was as if he knew what I was thinking.

"We have no secrets…anymore." He looked pained as he said it. I wanted to hug him, to break through his tough exterior and find the old Jake within. But even though he had no secrets with Quil and Embry, he still had issues with me. He ran a hand down through my hair, and smiled.

"Do you like it?" I asked him, waiting expectantly for his answer. He simply nodded and turned away from me. His shoulders slumped. The gaping hole inside my chest screamed out for some kind of contact with him. So I went with it and hugged him tightly around his waist. He jumped at the feel of my cold hands. His body was so warm. Too warm. Warmer than before, this was unnatural heat. It felt like he had a fever. I stepped away, but the moment I did I regretted it. The cold air of the room washed over me. I would never feel warmth again.

"Please, Bella, I can't tell you, but you already know this." He reached out and grabbed my hand. He looked down at my wrist and I immediately pulled it away. He started to shake after he saw the mark. The perfect silver outline of teeth forever branded there. It felt like he knew what it was.

His breathing returned to normal as he looked back up into my eyes. Jake gave me a small smile. "You'll figure it out" And with that he left.

He left me again.

I woke early the next morning, from a dreamless night. I thanked the heavens for that. Jacob had left me in a state last night. I was appreciative that he had let me know that he did still want to be my friend but now I needed to know the real reason. I wondered if it was that Sam Uley and his friends. Had they been a bad influence on my Jake?

I thought about when Alice rang me. She was still looking out for me too. I wondered if all of this was just simply bigger than me, that everything was connected in a realm outside of my recognition. I would be glad for that. I finally felt as if none of this was my fault. I let that feeling of relief wash through me as I showered and got ready for work. The Newton's had come back a few weeks ago, but there hadn't been much work. It was a quiet season now, considering all of the bear attacks in the woods. I guessed people were just not into it anymore.

I wondered if it had been Laurent who had killed those people. Those wolves had been big though. They must be dead now; Laurent was not a match for them. He was not a match for anything with a pulse. He would not like their blood, but because they had run him off, I guessed he would have been pretty mad. I found myself feeling sorry for the mutant creatures.

As I drove down the highway, I had the feeling I was being watched again. I stopped in a lay-by and looked around, trying to catch my breath. I saw a pair of big glassy eyes watching me through the trees to my left. As I turned to get a better look, they were gone. I wasn't so sure, but it looked like they were joined to some sort of brown fur. Just an animal I shrugged.

But the thoughts of those wolves had never left my mind.

Work was monotonous that day. I gave my 'two weeks-notice' to Mr Newton. I decided I would look for a better position in the summer. And that was approaching fast. I couldn't wait for it to come. I would be free from pretending to be a normal girl in front of my friends and teachers every day. I knew I wasn't different in any way, but it had been so hard to put on that brave face.

After work, I was thinking about Victoria again. She seemed to be a constant thought in my head. My head was reeling; if she came for me, how could I protect Charlie? I wasn't thinking properly as I drove and found myself on the La Push Road. I figured I would go down there anyway. I had some thoughts I wanted to put past Jacob. He told me I would figure out what was going on with him. I don't think I even came close. I was thinking drugs, alcohol, gangs and on the more abstract side of my mind I was thinking wolves, spells and magical beings. I didn't know what all of this meant.

I pulled up outside of the Blacks house; Billy was sitting in his chair on the porch. I hadn't seen Billy in weeks. He smiled and waved to me when he saw me. I ran over to him and greeted him as happily as I could muster. I liked Billy. I had forgotten how close he and Charlie were. I might have ruined that, with my mood swings and never ending depression.

"Hello, Bella. What brings you here? I thought you and Jake were fighting?" Billy was never one to beat around the bush. I kept my smile plastered on my face.

"Well, Billy, I just need to talk to him. He may not want to be my friend but I've got to try. I have to explain a few things…" he watched me with a curious eye as I left my gaze drift towards the woods on the outskirts of the premises. There was a group of seven boys there. I recognized Jake, Embry, Quil, Sam and the others I were sure were Sam's friends and a smaller boy, who I was sure was a Clearwater.

Billy saw me watching them and told me to go to him. Billy seemed like he knew something that I didn't. He had a twinkle in his eyes. He told me to come back to him when I was done and tell him how it went. I promised him I would and I left without another word. Jacob ran to meet me.

"Bella! Have you…?" He looked behind him warily at the boys. I shook my head but I beckoned to him that I wanted some privacy. The guys were all far away but I was so sure they could hear us. Jake led me into the garage at the back of the house. His hand was still too warm as it encompassed mine.

"Are you on drugs, Jake?" I asked. I knew he wasn't but I needed to be sure it wasn't a 'human' thing that was keeping him away.

"NO! How could you think that? I thought you were smart, Bells. Come on!" Jake was indignant. I laughed at him. He always made me feel so easy. He made it easy to breathe.

I hesitated. This was the point of no return. If I told Jake what I had been thinking of last night after he left, he would either think I was crazy, or he would be… something else.

"Okay, this might sound crazy but…"

"Wait." I was interrupted by Sam Uley. He was standing in the garage door. He looked angry at Jake. He asked me to step outside. I could hear Jakes protest as I went willingly. I did not want to be in the room with Sam if he was angry at Jake. Embry was waiting for me outside. He gave me a big bear hug.

"I knew he'd make you figure it out Bella." Figure what out? I think Embry saw my confusion, because he stopped talking. I heard a growl behind us.

"Bella meet Paul." Then he added in a whisper, "Paul is not a happy camper. But take no notice." Paul started to shake. His arms convulsed at his sides and his square jaw tightened. He looked as though he was losing his head. I had never seen this boy before. All of the other guys were laughing at him, but he started to shake even worse.

"Get her out of here. She shouldn't be here. He doesn't get to break the rules." Paul moaned as he let his harsh words cut me. I was stung. I didn't even know Paul and he was already trying to get rid of me. Quil approached him from behind and tapped him on the arm. Paul convulsed even more. Quil winced and told Paul to stop. I wondered what he was going to do.

Embry placed himself in front of me. Maybe Paul was going to hit me. I started to worry.

"Maybe I should leave…"

Embry told me no. He said I had nothing to worry about. He told me Jake would be out in a minute and that he would have something to tell me.

At that Paul started to shake even more, his legs joined in and his head was lolling from side to side. He was growling and grumbling. In the next two seconds, a lot of things happened. I felt myself being thrown backwards as a huge wolf appeared in front of me. How can that possibly be? Had that boy, Paul, just turned into a wolf? I felt my knees weaken. There were shouts and yells but all I could feel were two warm hands catch me from behind as I fell.

I welcomed the blackness. I welcomed the nothing that had been a part of my left since they had all left. This was like have a dreamless sleep. But I had to wake up.

I opened my eyes to a strange room. There were paintings on all of the walls, each one of a different season, a wolf standing in the centre of each. There were lots of dream-catchers by the head of the bed I was in. The bed itself was small and the mattress was lumpy. I was covered in a blanket and was shocked to see that I was dressed only in my underwear. The blanket was warm though. It was patchwork. Everything here was so homely. I rubbed my eyes and ran my hand through my hair. It felt sticky. What was that?

I started to panic and rested my head down again. I thought about what I had seen before I had blacked out. Now I knew what happened to Jake and Embry and Quil. If they were like that Paul boy, they were all wolves. I had heard those stories before, but always thought they were myths and legends. Just made up as scary stories for the Quileute kids growing up. Everything suddenly fit into place.

I heard footsteps outside my door and when I looked up, I saw a pale and wan Jake enter the small room. He smiled when he saw I was awake. I was glad that he at least looked sure of himself.

"You're awake!" he exclaimed.

I nodded and raised my eyebrows at him. Behind him, another one of the guys had entered the room…Paul.

"Sorry Bella, I hope I didn't scare you…" He mumbled with a slight tone of amusement in his voice. He thought this was funny. He thought that he had scared me. I would prove him wrong. Id dint reply though because Jake punched his shoulder in a friendly way and he made his way out of the room.

Jacob slid his bulky frame down on the small bed next to me and took my hand. The heat made me dizzy. He sighed and absentmindedly rubbed my forehead with his other hand.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like that. Sam had just told me that it was okay to tell you. He told me he trusted you. I don't know what changed his mind. I guess he knew I would get it across to you sometime anyway. I am glad though. It's such a relief that you know." I saw some of the boyish features appear on Jakes face as he looked hopefully into mine.

Suddenly I remembered having no clothes on. I was mortified.

"Jake, ah, where are my clothes…? And who…?"

Jacob snickered at me. He explained that I had gotten sick. I felt myself turn crimson. He said he understood that I had been shocked. He said I had been screaming in my sleep, so Sam and Emily had gotten me into bed and out of my clothes. I was so embarrassed. Sam had seen me almost naked. And also this Emily person whom I didn't know yet.

A knock came to the door. I jumped but Jake smirked and hopped up to open it. A beautiful woman was standing there. She had long glossy black hair and a soft face. One side of her face was perfect, but the other had three longs scars running down it. I wondered if Paul had gotten at her. She introduced herself as Emily. She laid my clothes on the end of the bed and told me to come join them in the kitchen when I was dressed. She seemed like a really nice girl.

Jake left and Emily followed, smiling at Jake with a twinkle in her eye. I dressed quickly and stumbled down a short hallway. This house was small, but it was cute. Everywhere there were trinkets and ornaments and pictures. I saw lots of pictures of Emily and Sam together.

I entered the kitchen which was larger than the rest of the house; it had a huge round table; which was barely visible because of all the large teens surrounding it. All seven of them sat there looking up at me with huge grins on their faces. I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks and ears.

"And the zombie returns…"

That hit deeper than Quil would ever know.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – Apologize**

I was shocked at Quil's exclamation. He never thought before he spoke before, but it still caught me off guard. Everyone in the room went silent. You could hear the singular midget floating around by the bright window. Suddenly, Emily jumped and screamed. She ran to the oven and grabbed a mitt. I smelled something sweet; which Emily confirmed by taking out a large tray of muffins. She placed them on the table, and all of the previous tension in the room evaporated.

"Come here, Bells" Jake whispered and patted the empty stool next to his. "Eat a muffin. Emily's are the best. We'll talk about things afterwards. You need to eat something; I mean I'm sure your stomach is empty now…" His words drifted off as the hunger overcame me. I hadn't felt hungry like this in weeks. I sat down and allowed Jake to place a muffin in front of my, which I promptly devoured.

"Okay, Bella, I guess we have some explaining to do…" Sam started to speak. Emily shushed him but he held up a hand and she faltered slightly. "If things had gone better today," he glanced at Paul. "Well, we were going to allow you into our lives anyway. My decision to tell you everything was supremely influenced by the three infatuated teens over there and also by your involvement in... some other things that concern us. I think you have some explaining to do yet, Bella Swan." As Sam spoke, I looked at Embry, Quil and Jacob, who were all blushing underneath their dark skin.

I was curious as to what 'things' Sam had been talking about but I let him continue anyway.

"That day on the cliff, as I'm sure you've guessed, that was Jared and I who chased and killed that vampire. I don't know if he was a friend or foe but as soon as you cut your leg, the situation changed. I knew he was going to strike, we had to intervene."

"I would have been there too, but…" Sam raised his hand again to stub out Pauls addition to his speech. I could see Sam wanted to have his say first. It was as if he was their father, telling them a story and did not want to be interrupted. They all seemed to watch him with weary eyes.

"But Jacob, Quil and Embry had been close by where we were following the bloodsucker. We had primarily been concerned with their reactions to his scent. They all showed signs of being about to phase. Of course, when they did, all hell broke loose. Bella, the changing process is difficult for us wolves the first time. It was hard for me hear their screaming thoughts in my head as soon as they all phased. I knew then that you were on the cliff alone. Though they didn't know what was happening, I cut myself away from them and chased the cold one alone. Jared followed, after of course one of the guys tried to take him down."

Embry coughed and glanced at Jared, who laughed back at him. So Jared had been the wolf that had watched me closely on that hill. I had a strange feeling Sam was about to ask me how I knew Laurent. I didn't want to talk about the Cullen's. I sat tight with a blank expression on face. This was too much information. If he had much more to say, I was sure I would be out for the count for the second time today.

"I know this is strange for you, Bella." Sam continued, obviously picking up on my discomfort. "But there have been more vampires in the area since that incident. They are all searching around and I'm sure you know something about this. I have very good hearing and I knew Laurent was threatening you with another vampire. Whether he was lying or not I don't know, but tell us, what do you know about this?"

There it was. With no time to process all of this information, they expected me to spill my innermost fears and thoughts on the scrubbed wood table. I hesitated for a minute, gathering my thoughts. I deduced that Sam and the guys were not friendly with the Cullen's. I knew Jake and Billy never had been anyway.

I sighed. "This is a lot for me to process right now. I'm not sure what you're asking me so stop me if I'm wrong. Laurent was not a friend. Well, he was. He had tried to become like the …Cullen's. He was unsuccessful. Obviously. I don't know what he was doing in Forks. But he told me he had come for me. He told me there was another, Victoria, coming for me too. Her mate was killed by …Edward…" I fought the word out. "…last year. Her mate had bitten me. He was right to kill him. She didn't think so. She wants me because she wants Edward to feel how she does. But I don't understand. I'm not with him. He told me everything was going to be as if he never existed. How could he leave me here with nothing…?"

Jake put his hand on my arm and rubbed it gently. I felt the tears come to my eyes as I realised I had said his name. I hated dragging up those thoughts, those thoughts that had been dormant for so long. I brushed away the escaping tears and looked around the table at the witnesses to my digression. I knew that they would not tell a soul about my fears but I was embarrassed at how easily I had opened up.

"I think we'll leave you to think about this. Boys, we will have a meeting tomorrow…here. You're welcome to come along Bella. I know you have a lot to learn and adjust to. But don't tell anyone our secret. You are an outsider allowed into our world. Treat that with respect."

Emily squeezed my shoulder from behind as same spoke. She smiled warmly at me as I left with Jake, Quil and Embry. I was a little shaky on my feet. My truck was outside the house. I looked around me for the first time as I wondered how my truck had gotten here. The house was a little ways into the forest. It was engrossed in wildlife. It looked like whoever lived here spent all of their days outside taking care of the small garden. It looked homely, just like the inside of the house.

"I'll drive for you, Bells. Where to?" Jake brought me out of reverie. i felt his strong hands wrap around my waist. He was really taking this best friends thing to heart. I hoped it wasn't too deep.

The boys told Jake to bring us all to the beach. The four of us. Just like before. I had a feeling that this would work out this time. I let all of my inhibitions in the truck as we began to pace up the empty beach in the mist.

"Sorry, Bella. We saw how badly you took it. But at least you're back now, yeah? We're back. We won't leave you on your own again. Who knew you were in league with the vamps anyway?" Embry stopped his not too sensitive apology abruptly as he saw my face. Instead he picked me up in a hug and swung me round and round the beach. I found myself laughing again; I had forgotten how good they made me feel.

We talked for hours. The day passed and I had forgotten to ring Charlie. I hoped he was talking to Billy. I was worried about having more secrets to keep from him. The guys explained to me about their picnic idea for the hike. They wanted to surprise me. They thought they left the food in the trees closest to the clearing but they hadn't. they didn't find it in the end. They guessed Sam or Paul or Jared had gotten it. I told them more about victoria and Laurent. I wouldn't answer their questions about the Cullen's. It felt as though those questions were too personal. I knew if I told them secrets about the Cullen's, it would mean I had nothing to keep to myself anymore.

Quil and Embry left the beach to go for a run through the woods. I had wanted to see them as wolves but Jake wouldn't let me. He told me I could have gotten hurt by just being near them. I appreciated his concern, but didn't he know who I had hung out last year?

Jake took my hand again and led me back up the beach towards my truck. I wasn't ready for this day to end. I was afraid it would become another dream or nightmare. I watched around us anxiously as I thought of victoria again. Her blazing red hair was all I remembered of her. That fire would be the one to take me out in the end; I knew that now. Jake didn't know anything about vampires. He couldn't possibly if he thought he could kill them.

"I'll look after you, Bells. You don't have to worry anymore. All of us are here for you. It's the leeches fault that we're like this so they can deal with the consequences." He started to shake as he finished his sentence. I let go of his hand and moved away. I knew from earlier experience I didn't want to be near Jake if he was about to burst into a huge wolf.

As he saw me cower away from him, he stopped shaking. He came to his senses and rushed over to hug me. He held me for a while. It felt like it was just the two of us; in our own world on the beach. I wished it was. I really did love Jake, as a friend…

We arrived at Billy's later that night. Charlie was there too. Billy winked at me as we came in. I forgot I had been holding Jake's hand. Charlie looked from our faces to our hands that met in the middle and he chuckled.

"Lover's tiff?" I had hit him on the arm playfully while I felt myself blush pure beet. It didn't faze Jacob; he just stood there looking huge and smug.

We had a great evening in the Blacks place. I didn't want to be anywhere else but here. This was what I had been pining for all those weeks. Silly Bella, I had doubted Jakes feelings for me. I knew better now. I knew this was how it was supposed to be. This was natural. I felt myself warm even more in Jakes presence. He was still my sun. he hadn't changed just how big he had gotten. He really didn't look sixteen anymore. He looked older than me.

I got up to leave as Charlie finished his last can of beer. I would have to drive him home so Jake and I didn't even get a chance to be alone again. And I had been counting on that.

"Bella!" He called out as I left. "Wait!"

I turned and saw jakes beautiful handsome face inches from mine. His eyes searched through my features hungrily. I thought I was ready for this. I definitely wasn't. Jake was murmuring softly under his breath. He was telling me he missed me. I missed him too. But I did not want to kiss Jake. Not now. Not yet.

Yet. I found myself thinking about how things could be between Jake and me. But in that second his hot hand clamped around my jaw. He raised his lips to meet mine and I pulled back. He sighed and kissed my forehead. Leaning his mouth there, I was probably hurting him. Well, he had hurt me. But that wasn't what this was about. I felt some sort of connection with Jake. I didn't know what but something was definitely there. It just needed time to progress.

"See yam, Bells…" Jake spoke with a tender, loving voice. I knew how much he cared for me.

I got in the truck to a silent Charlie.

After a few minutes into our drive I heard Charlie start to mutter. Always when he has beer, I thought fondly to myself.

"That's it, Bella, you make him apologise first…"

I had to laugh at my father's protectiveness over me. It was flattering. But he didn't know exactly what Jake was...

I wasn't even so sure anymore. Maybe that boy did have some grovelling to do, before I would ever consider kissing him anyway.

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**_A/N - I hope you're enjoying the story..._**

**_ Some more action coming soon.. I promise!_**

**_Review if you get a chance please! :)_**


	11. Chapter 10

_**A/N - This chapter has some mature themes, not too strong but there all the same.**_

_** What do you think of the story so far? Are you enjoying it? Any ideas for me? **_

_** Any suggestions? Anything? Reviews are welcomed!**_

_** Again, thanks for reading, and sorry for this note keeping you from my story!**_

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**Chapter 10 – Laid Bare**

The last few weeks of school before I was free had dragged on. I was becoming more and more responsive to my emotions as the time passed. But there was more than just time healing my wounds; I had a saviour. I had a friendship that acted a balm; it soothed and had nearly erased all but a few cracks that were left in the hole in my chest. I felt warmer than I ever had. The people I loved the most all noticed which I was very grateful for. I was spending time, not only with my saviour, but with Angela and Ben and Jessica and Lauren too. It wasn't until now that I had truly realised that I was happy again. I had everything that I thought I could never get back.

My three favourite men and I had spent lots of time together. This was good for my general reputation with Charlie too. I had learnt so much about the wolves – all of their gifts and talents. Their worries were my worries now. They accepted me harmoniously into their world and I was ecstatic at the chance to be a part of their lives again. I hadn't had a nightmare in a long time. Quil and Embry also appreciated my alone-time with Jake lately too. Even though I wondered what they had spoken about to encourage this – they had never allowed us more than the walk up the beach together alone.

My relationship with Jake was overwhelming, to say the least. I loved him like a brother but lately, that love was becoming stronger, and less innocent on my part. I found myself subconsciously leaning into the slight pecks to my cheeks while saying goodbye, snuggling into his side as he tried to keep me warm and feeling slightly aroused whenever I saw him in his cut-off sweatpants and little else.

"You ready, Bells? Paul is waiting over at Emily's for you. You know, I'm not sure I like this very much. He's not as controlled as the rest of us." Jake was angry but I brushed away his concerns. Today was the day we had been waiting for. Victoria had breached the invisible line outside of Forks and had come into what the wolves called 'Our Territory'. I had laughed at this notion, telling them all that their animal instincts were taking over. Today, I was to stay with Paul at Emily's house. Emily was out of town, visiting family in her hometown. I had never really gotten the chance to get to know Paul. I knew today wasn't a day for chat, yet I knew we would have a long time.

Charlie thought I was at Angela's house. She had agreed to cover for me, under the impression that I was going camping in the forest with the boys. I had offered her a place in my tent, but I knew she would decline, which she did. Angela had turned into my best girlfriend. We seemed to understand one another; neither of us liked to delve too deep into our feelings in a conversation, so neither of us was ever pushed.

"Coming…" I quickly pulled the rucksack I had packed from my closet and ran downstairs. Of course I fell on the way, but Jake caught me. When I looked into his eyes, all the thoughts I had been having before he came over, rushed back to confront me. I knew I wanted Jake bad.

He had a smug grin on his face as he walked me to my truck, keeping a hand placed firmly on my hip.

"You smell good today. It's very …stimulating." He looked amused as he said this. I thought it was a strange choice of words, considering I wasn't wearing any perfume at all. Electricity was rolling through my body, finishing its course in slight tingles down my spine, at his touch. I blushed intensely.

I tried to focus on the problems at hand here today. This was very serious. If Victoria got through the guys' defences; I was dead. Literally. I had never been so grateful to have Jake as my best friend than at this time. Even Quil and Embry were putting themselves on the line for me today. They reassured me that they loved doing this, seeing as it was they who left me alone on a cliff with a vampire in the first place. Paul was designated to stay with us as he could prove dangerous while staking out the enemy. He was too volatile. But Sam didn't seem to mind him staying with me. Jake was not happy as he had said already. But I had plans for today. I was going to try and get Paul to open up to me. He was bitter towards me, even though he did not know me either. This I did not like. It wasn't fair.

The pack's plan was to separate and span out from Emily's house in all directions so that they would cover the surrounding forest. They were sure that victoria would follow my scent. Their only concern was any hikers in the forests that got in her path. If they wanted to save somebody, they would have to show themselves as wolves.

They all had an air of confidence about them as I entered the bright home. Paul looked glum sat at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. There was something more going on here. Sam was whispering softly into Paul's ear. Paul shrugged his shoulders and looked at me. I felt Jacob tense next to me.

"Paul, if you so much as…"

"Hey, hey, bro… I won't touch her I promise. I won't even speak with her if I can help it." Paul had sadness about his eyes as he said this. That was not like Paul. Normally, a threat like that would have been reprimanded with a sleazy insult or a death threat from the hot-head teen.

The wolves left, after quick goodbyes. I felt sick watching them all go. I had come to think of the pack as my family. An extended family. I loved them – and I cared for them as if they were my brothers too. But Paul was an issue right now. So I had to do something. I thought some food would soften him up.

"Do you want some lunch?" I asked sheepishly.

"Um, ok. Not too much though, I'm not feeling myself today." I was definitely worried about Paul now. He had never so much as turned down a crumb of food before. Hunger was a part of the wolf. It was a quirky part, a funny part that I joked about with the pack. But here was the epitome of 'wolf' telling me that he basically was not hungry. He could not be sick - I knew that they couldn't get sick.

"Bella, don't ask and I won't bother you today, ok?" He continued on as he gauged my reaction. I didn't answer him. I knew I would find out.

After I cooked him up some noodles, he was looking slightly better. He was less hunched; he seemed to be more comfortable.

"Paul, we never talk you and me." I thought maybe a heart to heart was needed. I devised a plan. If I softened Paul by telling him a secret, he would hopefully share his pain with me. I didn't want him to suffer alone.

Before he answered me, he went outside to phase. When he came back, after checking in with the guys, he said, "No news yet. I know we don't talk Bella, but we didn't get off to a great start. Now don't start being a wuss with me or you'll be sorry you wanted to talk to me in the first place."

I was taken aback at his sudden vicious outburst at the end of what I thought was a well-meaning statement.

"I know we didn't start out so good, but I understand why I was pissing you off back then. I don't understand what I could have done to hurt you this time."

"You are so full of yourself, Swan. I am not 'hurt' by you. You could never hurt me. You do piss me off, so deal with it. I don't care how many vampire friends you've got, I'll take them all out." Definitely not getting anywhere with this tack.

"Ok, I will level with you Paul. You don't like me. I'm not so sure about you. But you don't even know me. I would like to get to know you. I do not have any vampire friends. And if you mean enemies, then you should know that I didn't ask for this." Paul started to shake violently in his seat. I had really done it now. I worried if he was going to hurt me. I stood up and backed up cautiously against the countertop. He followed.

Paul was scary up close, especially as he was trying to hold his shape in order to not kill me.

"Today is not the day to piss me off, Swan. I mean it. Don't test me. I can barely keep my shape on a normal day. Today is the day, and I'm stuck here with you." Where had all of this hatred come from? "So you just wait here, I'm going to check in with the guys again and I may be a few minutes while I calm down." Paul left as he finished his sentence, leaving me a crumpled shaken mess holding myself up. I was truly frightened of him in that moment. I knew he wouldn't really hurt me, but if he got angry like that again, I didn't think he could hold his shape.

I cried in that moment. I cried for being lonely and worrying for my best friends. I cried for the friends who had put me in this situation on the first place. The friends who had left me alone. I let all of my insecurities fall to the checkerboard floor with my tears.

Paul came back in as I was wiping my eyes clear. He looked at me with pity. I didn't know he possessed such an emotion.

"I'm sorry, ok?" He was still tense. "Nothing happening on the war front." War. I didn't like that word. Everything was so military with these wolves when they got serious.

"Sit down, Bella; I think I have to explain. This is not about you. God. I will kill Jake for sticking with Sam and letting me stay here with you. If you so much as tell a soul what I'm about to tell you, I will personally rip you limb from limb, no matter what Jake does about it." He was so intimidating in that moment alone that I ran to sit down and closed my open mouth.

Paul told me everything. He told me about how badly he does in school on the Rez. He told me of being left to look after himself as a child as his parents thought of him as a hindrance. The more he spoke the more vulnerable he became in front of me. My throat went dry thinking of Paul as a child, alone and afraid. He told me he ran away once. But when his father found him, he beat him up. He told me that he hated them, his parents. He told me he was bitter because he held so much hate for them. He told me of how he raised himself to be tough and to take no shit from anyone. He had had to backtrack on his feelings when his father left his mother. They had a bad split and Paul's mother took it even worse. He told of her struggle to stay alive when his dad left. He told me he had felt compelled to keep her safe.

"Maybe it was the wolf in me, the protector…" He had said. There were tears rolling down his cheeks freely. Paul was a broken man. He was like me. Holding it together by his better ness whereas I was holding myself up by numbing the pain.

"I loved her, even though she hated me. I regretted never staying by her side growing up. But I was still young. I had plenty of time left with her… I thought. She resented me. She blamed me for him leaving. She drank so much. She couldn't live that way for long. She was eaten alive by her own resentment. One day…We – we fought. She was mad because the principal of the school told her I was ditching. She – she drank herself into a stupor that night. I didn't know what to do when I found her. I – I should have known… I could have stopped it. She dies from alcohol poisoning. She choked on her own vomit in her bed."

Paul choked back his own sobs as his broad shoulders were wracked with retching quakes. He had fallen down a slippery slope the moment he had started talking. I knew he would be angry when he realised he had told me his story. I was mentally preparing myself for his outburst but it never came. He kept his eyes lowered, but his chin held high. He was not afraid to show his emotion now that he knew I understood it. I wanted to cry for him – but I put it off. I wanted to hug him and hold him like the child he looked before me. I couldn't do it. I just sat there and stared at my hands. I knew what today was. I didn't want him to day it.

"Today was the day I could have saved her. It was years ago…but I haven't stopped thinking about it. Who would? I don't know." Suddenly his eyes widened as he trailed off. He looked at me for the first time since talking. He finally realised I was in the room. He mouth opened but he closed it again. Was he going to be mad?

I had predicted rightly. Paul started to shake. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why didn't you stop me? Are you crazy? You don't let people you barely know talk like that…You stupid bitch, Swan." I stood up and walked onto the back porch of the house. I needed to get away from him. Paul was acting like a crazy person. I wanted Jake. I hadn't wanted to know Paul's shocking story. I never guessed he had had such a hard life. He was so bitter, it just seemed like he thought himself above everyone else. Paul was ranting and raving kicking at chairs inside the quaint little house. The sounds of violence didn't suit this house. I had to brave. Paul had a right to be mad, but not at me.

"Paul. You stop this right now. You go outside there and you phase and you tell me how the guys are. You have no right to act like this. I did nothing to you. I won't tell anyone your secrets but please Paul, don't be like this with me. I can help you…" I tried to ease his ill feelings, but it seemed I only made things worse and worse.

"Don't tell me what to do. You're not my alpha… But I know, I know. I'm mad at me, not you…" He trailed off. It hadn't been so bad after all. I felt a small ray of hope uncover in mine and his friendship. Paul just needed to trust. He just needed to let go. I resolved that I would help him. Preferably without him knowing, as that proved too dangerous – especially after today.

He had stopped shaking. He ran outside and phased.

Poor Paul…I thought to myself, the boy must have had it bad. No wonder he was so mad. He couldn't achieve his dreams all because his parents never cherished him as their son. When he tried to show his love, he was pushed away again. Now he was doing the pushing.

He returned and beckoned me into the small living room. He sat on the couch and patted the space next to him.

"Bella, there is some news. The pack picked up on Victoria's scent. They followed her north, but there was another with her. They recognised the scent. It has to be one of the Cullen clan. They don't know whether she was being chased by them, but the pack has to retreat back to the treaty line. They can't go any further in case they break the treaty. Today was a failure. They're all pretty pissed about it, so just act normal when they get here in a few minutes. I will be leaving then and I trust you not to tell them my secrets Bella. They know of my life. But I have never in my life cried in front of one soul. Please." Paul's eyes did not show the pleading he was trying to convey, they only showed me anger. I nodded silently and muttered "promise…" back to him. He patted my shoulder and left as soon as the guys all burst through the door.

When Embry and Jared went to go on patrol, Quil left for home as did Seth. Sam told Jake and me to stay in Emily's place until he was returned from meeting with the council. Jake stared at me for a long time before pulling me into a hug.

"Jake, need to breathe!"

Jake laughed and let me go. He was watching me funnily now.

"Bella, why was Paul hiding his thoughts earlier? When he phased, we couldn't see anything. But he made everyone feel very…um…exposed?" Jake struggled to find the right words for the emotions he had felt, I knew. I didn't answer him, just shrugged. I had no answer. I couldn't lie to Jake but I couldn't betray Paul so easily either.

"Maybe he didn't want you to know I made him some lunch?" I asked playfully. Jake caught me up and set me on his lap on the couch. This was a first for Jake and i. I don't think we had ever been so close, physically. I felt the electricity flowing through me. I was ready for him. I needed to tell him my feelings. I knew he had them already; he was waiting for my confirmation.

I was scared though, scared to ruin what we had. We were so comfortable together. I wanted this. I knew I wanted to further things with Jake. Maybe just a kiss. Maybe I wouldn't have to speak then. He would know how I was feeling anyway. Just a kiss…

I fought with myself, until Jake started laughing at me.

"You're face, Bells. What are you thinking? You look so confused!" Jake was so happy. He was so at home with me, he wasn't even afraid of me thinking to myself. _He_ had always wanted to know what I was thinking. But now was not the time for comparisons.

"Jake…" I whispered as I leaned my head towards his, staring into his deep dark eyes. His jaw dropped as he realised what I was trying to do. He was eager. Too eager. He put me off.

I sighed and stopped leaning towards him. He stopped his hands, which were climbing up the back of my neck, in anticipation of what he had seen coming.

Damn it, I thought. I would have to get this right. I turned half away from him.

He saw right through me. He knew I wasn't just second-guessing myself, I had been thinking about how to do this the right way.

He smiled that favourite smile of mine…

I got lost in him in that moment. It was just us and nobody else, our own little world. I knew I loved him, not as a brother but as a best friend and lover then. Even though he was not my lover, I knew it was a possibility. And it would be as easy as breathing.

He closed his eyes and breathed deep, as if sniffing the air. His hands started pulling me around to face him again. There was desire in his eyes, little pools of want that increased my need to kiss him in that moment.

Then his lips softly brushed over mine. The fullness and softness of them was so new to me. I was used to cold and rigid, now I had warm and inviting. He gently pulled my head closer to him as I deepened our kiss. Our lips joined perfectly, moulding into each other's.

Then I pulled away. That's all I had wanted, one kiss to prove my feelings to myself. That was all I needed.

"I love you, Jake…"

I knew I had made a life-changing decision in that moment. I had changed my own destiny. I had fallen in love again.

And I couldn't have been happier about it.


	12. Chapter 11

_**A/N - Please Review! :) **_

_** It will keep the updates coming quicker! Come on, motivate me :D**_

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**Chapter 11 – Plans**

The sky was deep dark grey. The clouds were piecing together over the horizon. All of an orange colour, lit by the setting sun. Pink and red ran through this orange cluster, making for a pretty outline to the day, yet I knew the trouble lay in the dark sky above me. I was impatient. If the rain was going to threaten me like this, where was the first drop? Where was that first sign that told me all I needed to know? I need confirmation right now; the sky was lying to me as it was. I felt the anger bubble up underneath the surface of my calm exterior. I was being irrational. I was letting the emotion overcome me for once.

"Bella, you know what happened to Emily, right?" I shook my head. I had never been sure of what happened to Emily's face; but I had never wondered after that first day. There had been too much going on. And now my head was drowning in thoughts of Paul's and mine conversation today. I did not need to hear another terrible story to pull my heart deeper into the pit of my stomach – holding back the tears once was enough. But Jake continued anyway; regardless of the pained expression on my face.

"You see Sam and Emily are connected in a way that is not matched by normal lovers. Sam left everything he had to be with Emily. But his life was tied to hers from the moment he first looked in her eyes. But things weren't perfect for them. Sam and Emily argued a lot because he had left Leah Clearwater to be with Emily. Emily and Leah were cousins. It was a difficult situation…" Jake looked very uncomfortable. I tried to touch his arm for him to stop but he shook me off.

"Just listen! Sam lost control during one of their fights. He couldn't hold his shape and Emily was too close. He didn't want to hurt her, he just lost it. I see in his mind every day the regret and sadness in him for what happened to Emily. He can't understand why she took him back. She never left him. She knew what it would do to him if she did. You see Sam is imprinted on Emily. So they can't ever separate." I wondered what this meant. Jake had never spoken about imprinting before.

"Bella, I wanted more than anything to imprint on you, so that our relationship could be a sure thing. I needed it and you did too. But I didn't. I can't understand it because I feel like you are the only girl for me. You know what can happen if you stay with me. You've seen Emily. But you would not have to stay. You could leave. I could…I could imprint on someone else. I don't want to hurt you like that – I could never – but it's uncontrollable."

I felt sorry for Jake. He loved me, but he could not love me forever. If he was destined to imprint on somebody else I would be left alone again. I wanted a relationship with Jake. I would never want anything more than his warmth with me forever.

"Jake, I would take that risk for you. If we can have weeks or years of happiness, then at least I'll know I had that much. And don't be ridiculous, you would never hurt me. Not on purpose." I tried to soothe him. He had had a hard day and he didn't need to be stressing, just because I kissed him and caused all of these feelings to surface. I did love Jake and I knew that the risk would be worth it. I made a mental note to ask Emily to describe imprinting to me. Jake seemed put off by the idea of it.

The day had been eventful enough. Sitting here in Emily's back yard, surrounded by trees and foliage of all sorts, I thought of how …strange my day had been. I had spent the day worrying about Paul rather than fearing for my life. I should have been mad with worry for Jake and the pack, but I hadn't been. It had been like some unknown force had been redirecting my train of thought. Making my feelings of worry dissipate, leaving only the sorrow for Paul. But nothing could have done that on purpose. I hoped.

Jake left me sitting in the yard alone and went into the house when he heard Sam return. I knew they had pack business to talk about and so I left them to it. Their voices were raised, I hoped they weren't fighting. I knew Sam could control all of Jakes movements with just a look in his direction and a thought thrown his way. This unnerved me. I was so glad to have my free will. Well, except apparently the focus of my feelings.

The focus of my feelings. My worry. My sorrow. Oh my. One of the Cullen's had been through this way today. How close had they gotten? Close enough to feel what I felt? I hoped not. Maybe that was why I had unexplained pity for Paul and why Paul had opened up to me, and then reacted crazily to his own actions – as if I had made him do it. There was only one who could do that. One that I knew of anyway. I felt the cold shiver down my spine at the thought of him. He had been the only one… the only one I could never have been sure of.

"JAKE!" I cried in fear. "Come here, Jake…Please?" Jake returned and sat next to me, putting a reassuring hand on my shoulder. Sam stood calmly in the doorway. "Jake…Sam… Who has been here today? Has there been a vampire near Emily's house?"

Jake glanced worriedly at Sam. Sam sighed and cam and sat on the steps behind the door. I was really worried now. Sam nodded and his head fell into his hands. His fingers pulled at his short hair in anguish.

"Sam, was it a Cullen?" I said it without fear or hesitation. A Cullen wouldn't hurt me. But I didn't know anymore. Maybe they had sided with Victoria. I couldn't see Alice against me – I didn't know what I could have done for that.

Sam nodded again. I was really worried now.

"Did all of you feel the need to run away from him? Or feel strange when he was here?" Sam nodded in response yet again. He sighed and lifted his head, as if it caused him great pain to do so.

"Bella, we failed today because of the magic tricks of some leech. I was so angry when he was gone again that we ran blindly after them. We couldn't catch them; we had no hope when I was seeing red and only red. I didn't even get to see his eyes…" Sam looked so pained that I felt bad for bringing this up. I had to know though. And what did he mean exactly by seeing Jasper's eyes?

Red eyes. If he had had red eyes, he would have broken the treaty. That was why the wolves couldn't chase the vampires. That was why Paul had come back from phasing every time, with no news. That explained the sorrow of the wolves when they returned, after seemingly chasing the vampires out of town. It hit me hard. Jasper was the Cullen with the least amount of control. He was the one who had nearly given in to his hunger at my birthday last year. I hoped he was not against us now.

Sam apologized to me. He said they shouldn't have lied. He asked me how I knew that there had been a vampire here today. I knew that by answering him, I would give away Paul's weakness. I just said I had a gut feeling. I said I knew each of their traits, so i guessed correctly.

"You two, you can stay here tonight. Emily won't be home and we have the spare beds anyway… But no funny business. I can sense the tension a mile away." Same smiled slightly as he finished his demands. I felt my cheeks burn. Jake laughed it off as usual, but he winked at Sam. I had to laugh then, he always made me feel so carefree.

After we got settled in the spare room in Emily's home, we cuddled up on the small bed. We talked about many things. Jake kept nuzzling my neck at several intervals. Eventually I drifted off to sleep. His warm embrace kept me relaxed and comfortable. We had no intentions to further our relationship in the bedroom, but it was nice to spend the night together. No worries.

_ I am standing at the edge of a dark cliff. Nobody can save me now. I will not give in and fall over. Behind me comes a very familiar pale and handsome man. He is blurry around the edges. In front of me, I spare a look over the huge crevice. Below me there is a fire red beast waiting to get me. I can hear a husky voice telling me not to jump. I cry out to that voice, plead for help. The man behind me advances, but he catches me and makes me look into his eyes. His eyes are nothing. Non-existent. When I look into them I see pain and hunger. He wants me but he cannot have me. He will not have me. He leaves me go and I slip on the edge. He is disgusted in himself. He cannot bear to hurt me, yet he must. For his family. I know that now. As I fall, yelling and screaming over the rocky edge, his eyes bore into mine – turning crimson with each passing second…_

I woke up with a start. Jake was nearly on top me shaking my shoulders in an attempt to wake me fully.

"Bella, you've been screaming. You'll wake Sam if you don't shut up."

I just lay there. Strange dream. I didn't want to be pushed into Victoria's arms but I had no control over how hard or fast I fell. My destiny was in others arms. Jake couldn't stop it, and neither could I. Jasper was my only hope. I had to see him. If he was nearby, surely he would want to talk to me. Jake had worry in his dark eyes as I contemplated my dream.

"Please, Bella, say something… You were crying and everything. I didn't know what to do. You were calling for me but when I answered you would just cry louder…" Jake looked away. How embarrassing was that? Not only had Jake seen me dreaming about him, but Sam had probably heard every word too. Jake out his arms protectively around me and assured me I was safe now, in his arms. I was so appreciative of him then.

"I'm scared, Jake. I'm scared of everything. Look at the danger I've put the pack in. I can never repay you all for that. For today. It could have gone worse, much worse."

"But it didn't, Bells. Don't worry yourself about this. The pack doesn't get much action when you're not around to attract it." Jake nudged my ear playfully with his nose. His warm breath soothed my worries instantly. I loved this side of Jake.

Suddenly, as if sensing my feelings of love for him, his large body shifted and he was staring into my eyes. His stare was so penetrating; it caught my breath up in my throat. If I didn't kiss him again in that moment, I felt as if I would never breathe again. And so I did. He moaned lightly as he fought the urge himself, but I leaned gradually forward. I lifted my head from the pillows on the soft bed.

I reached his warm lips in what felt like an age. His lips. I would never get enough of them. So full and soft, the way they massaged my own, making me feel all of the love and devotion Jake had for me. I loved his kiss. We stayed like that, kissing gently, chastely – until his tongue gently nudge my bottom lip. He was begging for entrance so I allowed it. Nothing had ever felt so right in my heart. His tongue searched and warmed the unexplored territory inside my mouth. It was warm and inviting. The kiss was not restricting, like all the others had been in my past. This kiss was relaxed – it allowed me to explore, to push my face closer to his, to deepen it. His heat overcame me quickly though. We parted and looked deep into each other's eyes, both panting heavily.

Jake turned over and lay beside me, placing a hand over my stomach again and snuggling closer to me. I smiled as I closed my eyes and fell asleep. Feeling more at home than I had since I moved to Forks.

Waking up next to Jake had been wonderful. Well, for at least a moment anyway. Embry and Quil had entered the small bedroom and continued to watch us uneasily. It was as if they were wary of our situation. I tried to look innocent, as nothing had actually happened; only kissing. Oh, if they knew about that kiss. I felt myself tingle all over at the thoughts of it. I fought it but it aroused me. I was sure they could hear my quickening heartbeat and the electricity gathering in my centre. I fought it but it overcame me. I was ashamed of myself, thinking of Jake that way when he was so pure and innocent. But his half naked body kept popping up in my mind's eye. All three boys swiftly up and left the room – as if they could sense my arousal and it scared them. Jake looked back and winked at me from the door. It was really as if they knew.

I sighed, and prepared to leave for home. I had told Charlie I would be home early. And I had to return without Jake, or else we would be suspicious. I wasn't sure how he would react if knew how close Jake and I had gotten in the space of one day. But I had a feeling he would be okay. He liked Jake; he treated him as a son. Charlie had never, ever liked …Edward. It felt different saying his name now, even if it was only to be kept to myself in my head. The pain seared in my chest, but that hole was covered up by the ever growing love I felt for Jake. That connection let my mind know that whatever Edward had done to me, Jake could fix it. He would fix it.

I left the guys, ignoring all of their stares as I went. Sam was the only one who didn't seem wary of me as I entered the kitchen, now cramped with all of the pack present. The drive home was silent. I felt a slight bit uneasy, but it quickly passed over. In my head I thanked Jasper, if it was him who had supplied this emotion too. I ran up to my room when I got home, there had been a note from Charlie on the door, stating he had an extra shift in work and so he would not be home until dinner. I knew I would get started after a while to make Charlie something nice. He had been working a lot lately and he wasn't used to me not being home to cook for him and clean for him.

As I sat in my room, I felt even more uneasy. A wave of calm washed over me yet again. It didn't even shock me to see Jasper enter through my window. Subconsciously, my mind went over his appearance and trusted it completely. His eyes were still golden, but full of worry as he watched me sitting still on my bed.

"Bella, it's so hard to get to you now with all of these dogs! Alice made me come - she couldn't bear to see you. Victoria…" I cut him off

"I know about Victoria, Jasper. Thanks for chasing her yesterday…" I was ashamed but I was very thankful to him for helping me in my hour of need. Who knows what could have happened if he hadn't shown up.

"I had to stop the wolves from chasing her. She knows about them. She knows they are protecting you. And she will stop at nothing to get you. Alice saw her plan – but it was difficult to piece together. She cannot see past the wolves, so she doesn't know how it will end. I have to speak with the wolves about this… Right away. I cannot even tell you alone, I must have them present also. This concerns them totally. Please, Bella, call Jacob Black and ask him to meet with me, and the pack too." Jasper was so serious I picked up my cell without hesitation. He was here to help me. I couldn't believe it. I was so lucky. I wondered where the rest were. As if sensing my curiosity, Jasper told me that they were all in Alaska, and that they had not wanted to come so close to me. I was angry.

"This was all his fault Jasper. Why didn't he come to help me?"

"Bella, you reek of werewolf. Edward wouldn't be able not to rip Jacob Black's head off if he knew how you felt whenever I said his name. He can read thoughts Bella, and I cannot hide mine. We had to tie him down to keep him away from you, we had to. We sent him to hone his tracking skills, in South America." I was shocked. How had Jasper known how I felt for Jake? This unexplained lust in me that wanted Jake so badly. I stopped thinking about Jake now. Jasper would know. I blushed.

"It's okay, Bella. I understand. We all do. You had to move on. Alice was so depressed seeing you miserable and doing miserable things. When she stopped seeing you she knew, you had either decided to die, or you had moved on… to him. Jacob is natural to you and we respect that, even if werewolves are our natural enemies. But you should control your feeling around the wolves. If it embarrasses you in front of me… Well, they can smell emotion Bella. They can smell fear, smell anger - it's the wolf in them. They can smell your…um…"

Realisation dawned over me. Oh. My. God. I was shocked. I was going to kill them. Each and every one of them. Wait until I saw them. I didn't care about superhuman strength. But I thought about bringing up my arousal in front of all of them and confirming it. Jasper looked very uncomfortable standing at my window. A wave of calm washed over me. I smiled in appreciation.

"So, the call Bella…"

I picked up my cell again, more than happy to change the subject. I dialled the familiar number and waited for it to ring out.

"BELLA? What the hell is going on? There's a Cullen in your house! Didn't you hear the howls and warnings Jared let out…? Wait, did you know?" Jake was flustered. He couldn't get his thoughts straight by the sound of his voice.

"Jake, it's Jasper. He needs to speak with the pack. It's about Victoria. He wants to help…He's not against you guys…" I didn't know what to say. I was unsure about this whole thing. Jasper meant well but Jake didn't know that.

"Okay, Bella put him on the phone…" Jasper took the phone from me so quickly I hadn't even heard him walk up behind me. I shivered as his cold hand brushed mine. His voice talked so quickly over the phone that I couldn't make out what they were saying. I was very curious to know how this was going.

The call ended abruptly. Jasper smiled at me apologetically, he knew I felt left out now. This was all about me but they wouldn't even try to speak like humans so I could understand.

"Bella, we are going to meet in the forest tonight. I am going hunting for the day. I will come to get you at midnight, so leave the window open. Jacob wants you to be there, but he cannot make it to get you. Alice will be happy to know that I am here to watch you, for now."

"If you talk to her, will you tell her I miss her, please?" I couldn't say anymore, the loss I felt without my previous best friend was stronger now that I had almost gotten fully over Edward. My voice cracked and I stopped talking. Jasper nodded and left silently. Leaving me to my thoughts.

I knew Jacob wanted me to be with him tonight, but I supposed he needed Jasper now too. Maybe this was why he allowed me to spend some time with him. He knew I could judge for myself. I wondered how much this was hurting him, but decided that it couldn't be too much. He didn't know about the incident with Jasper last year, and I had no plans in telling him. I wanted the news from my friends in Alaska. I needed some news from them. Jasper was my only hope. In many ways. I hoped he had a plan to get rid of Victoria…


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 – New Meetings**

"Come quickly and quietly Bella, come on." Jasper was impatient. He was crouched on my window sill, with his palm outstretched toward me. I pulled on a warm jacket and took his hand. Adrenaline poured through me as he held me and jumped from the window. I almost screamed but held it in. I knew Jasper would not harm me and I didn't want to wake Charlie. "Bella, you'll have to climb on my back. When we get there, I am going to do something strange so that I know I can trust the wolves. Do not be afraid okay?"

I was terrified but Jasper emanated waves of calm, which soothed my aching desire to go back to my warm bed. I wondered what he would do that could scare me. And he could always ensure I was calm anyway. I think that's what alarmed me the most. His back was rigid and cold, like marble under the thin cloth of his shirt. His body moved so fast that I had to close my eyes against the wind.

We stopped abruptly in a clearing surrounded by large bushes and plenty of trees. The wolves were already there, waiting impatiently it seemed. Jasper took me from his back and placed me firmly on my two feet behind him. I was hidden from the view of the wolves. They did not appreciate this. A collective growl started to build up from wolf to wolf. I watched them in their various earthy colours – all of them raising himself up to his fullest extent – and I finally appreciated the extent of their power. They made me shudder by just looking at them.

"Okay mutts! Let's get some things straight before I get started. Bella will come with me when I leave. She is almost like my...prisoner of war." Jasper chuckled as he finished his sentence. A lone wolf let out a howl of anger. Sam's large black wolf stepped forward and phased back to his human form. I averted my eyes from his naked body.

"Vampire, we trusted you enough to let you come here to us. We did not attack you as we should have when we smelled you with the other. What do you want with Bella?" Sam demanded respect as he spoke, his voiced laced with his alpha prowess. I shuddered; he was scary when he spoke like that. I realised it was Jasper's fear I felt, he was projecting onto me. Next moment I was calm again. My mind wandered. I was elsewhere, yet I was still here in this strange meeting.

"Oh Sam, I won't harm her. I promise. It's just that I need to know that she is not in danger around you. I know you are chasing her enemy also. But I need to know that you will not over react when you find out about what happened between Bella and I last year." I saw straight through Jaspers plan. He was making sure that the wolves would not kill him when they found out he had almost bitten me, or at least tried to.

"No, Jasper…" I tried. Jasper shushed me.

"They must know Bella" Jasper shook, almost like the way the wolves did when angry, but I sensed his fear. He didn't really want to do this. Maybe Alice had told him to. "When we had Bella's birthday party last year, she cut her finger opening a present. I could not control myself."

Growling erupted all around us. Jasper lifted me and placed me in front him. "Explain" He muttered into my ear. The wolves didn't hear him over their growling. Jasper stopped controlling my feelings and I felt my real fear overtake the calm.

"I …I – it wasn't his fault. Well, yes, but – but he didn't actually do anything. It – it was nothing – nothing, I swear. He was sorry, he apologised to me. You- you – you have no reason to be afraid of Jasper. You must trust him. Please just listen…" I let my frenzied begging sink into the thoughts of all of the wolves around me. Sam held up a hand and they all silenced. Sam looked calm. He nodded at Jasper who let me go. I ran to the wolf who meant the most to me.

Shaggy russet brown fur called out to my hands as I ran my hands down his huge torso, scratching behind his ears. His eyes were the same deep dark pools of love that they always were. I hugged him and smelled the forest. It was exhilarating. I loved Jacob even as wolf. I looked back at Jasper, who smiled in return. Sam had walked over to stand at his side.

"Tell us your tale then Cullen."

I snuggled in next to the heat of the Jacob wolf's body and prepared myself for this story.

"Alice has been watching the decisions of Victoria for a while. She is a bitter vampire. She will stop at nothing until she sees Bella dead. Alice and I tracked her for a while, but to no avail. She had learned to avoid Alice. She makes snap decisions and seldom plans anything out. When you had that encounter with Laurent, we knew it was the beginning of something worse. Victoria was not only out in vengeance for Bella, but also to the wolves. She snuck around, finding out tales and secrets. When she discovered what you all were, her future was clear for Alice to see." Jasper hesitated before he continued. I had so much to ask him. I knew it wasn't the right time.

"So, Alice and I tried to contact Victoria again. Her plans are cruel. So cruel. She wants you all dead. She will make you watch while she tortures Bella …she will kill Bella with the pack as an audience. When she is finished she will kill you all one by one. She wants to find your families and kill them too. She will never give up until she knows that there will be no more wolves to destroy her plans. Laurent was meant to capture Bella."

I gasped as I realised what true danger we were in. Sam however, was definitely in war-mode. "How can she do this alone? Wouldn't she need some sort of backup? I know she is powerful, but not nearly as much as any of you Cullen's…" Sam was all business.

"No, she won't be alone. She is recruiting more of our kind as we speak. She plans to spend a month travelling. She will get more to support her cause. But I estimate that it will total about ten vampires. From what Alice can see, that number will be reduced when they arrive in Forks, there will be eight. Alice and I will intercept two of them on the way here. You may kill the rest."

"We do not need your permission to kill vampires. We do that when we feel they become a threat. I respect your courage in coming here to warn us, but how can you help us?" Sam was angry now as he spoke. I felt Jake stiffen next to me when Sam asked Jasper for his help.

Jasper smiled and talked about the Cullen's, he spoke of each ones gift. He told us that all of them would come to defend me, as it was one of their own who had gotten me in this mess.

I zoned out while Sam and Jasper discussed tactics. Some of the wolves closed in around the two so that they could hear better the discussion between two generals. Jake stayed where he was beside me. He leaned his huge muzzle towards my neck and breathed in deeply. He was such an animal smelling me. The darkest grey wolf sauntered over to us. He sat down as Jake's wolf walked away.

"Paul?" I asked, unsure of whether or not it was Paul. The wolf inclined its head which I took as a yes. I walked up to him and scratched his ear too. I wasn't sure if they like this, but it seemed to soothe them. They were all so tense. Jacob came back in all of his half-naked glory. He had gone with Sam to get some sweats. I was thankful as I don't think I could keep my lust under if Jake had appeared naked. Jake sat on the grass next to me and said Paul wanted to talk with me later. He looked confused but I simply smiled back at him.

Paul, I knew now, had a soft side. I guessed he wanted to get something off of his chest before he had to phase again with his brothers. Jake spoke to Paul.

"We're going to head towards my place. We'll meet you in the forest there. Don't keep her long because I have to drop her off on the border for the leech at two." Paul's wolf simply trotted away at a leisurely pace. Jake shook his head. "What did you do to him Bella?"

"Nothing, well, I don't think I did anyway…" I struggled to remember. I hadn't done anything to Paul but allow him to use me as a rafter to lean on. I didn't expect him to be strong and aggressive all of the time. Maybe he appreciated that.

"Well, Bella he keeps thinking about you. Not in a bad way, just as friend. But that's it. He thinks of you as a friend and not – well, sorry, but – a bitch like he normally does. You must have done something, Bells?"

I shook my head and laughed, explaining to Jake about cooking lunch for Paul again. Jake pulled me close and kissed me. It felt strange to be able to kiss Jake whenever I wanted to. I didn't have to ask him or make sure he was okay with it. He was always okay with touching me and making me feel loved. And I loved where this was going. I kissed him back as I got to my feet. Jake picked me up and ran to the trees by his house, where an anxious Paul was standing, hands in his pockets.

"Hey" Jake placed a hand on Paul's shoulder as he walked past him and into the house.

"Hey Bella. I didn't …um… well, I didn't thank you for the other day. Yesterday, I didn't thank you for it. And apologize for it too. Thanks for hearing me out. And sorry for making you hear me out. I was horrible to you, I know I was… But I am grateful Bella. So what do you say, Swan? Friends?"

I was startled. Paul had never been so nice in all the time I had been hanging round with the pack. I nodded and pulled him in for a hug. Which I second guessed but he held me tight. I guessed he hadn't had a friend other than the pack in a long time. We stood like that hugging for a while. Paul started to whisper in my ear.

"I better let you go back out to Jake. Bella, it's so nice to have a friend who can't hear my thoughts. But if you ever tell anyone, I will be out to get you. I swear it. But thanks anyways. Don't forget." I was confused. I laughed but instantly regretted it when I saw Paul look hurt.

"I promise you Paul I won't tell. Anyway I told Jake you like me now because I cooked for you… so let's keep it that way, yeah?" Paul barked out a laugh and walked away. He was so different when his guard wasn't up. I wished I could show Jake that side of his friend. I couldn't though. And I treasured each friend I made these days. I didn't have too many.

The few days were uneventful. Jasper left town after briefing the pack on fighting techniques. I spent every spare minute down in La Push, which Charlie loved. And when Jake was patrolling, or too tired, I hung out with Paul. Jake was curious about mine and Paul's relationship, but he couldn't stop me from having a friend. It was really helping Paul to have someone to vent to as well. He treated me a little better and even once tried to help me cook the pack's lunch. He did end up being shooed from the kitchen by Emily but he tried none the less.

Jake and I had spent most of our time kissing and talking. I told him of my fear that he would imprint, but he was so sure that he couldn't ever look at another girl. I believed him. I hoped upon hope that this would be my happy ending. I just had to ignore the little voice in my head telling me it wasn't forever. I was now seldom cold; I didn't like the cold anymore. Being near Jasper when he came to give an update was bad enough. The wolves were rubbing off on me.

This evening was exactly a week from when the first meeting took place between the pack and Jasper. Jake was uneasy in my presence. We were both in his house watching a movie. He was so unsettled that I offered him a walk on the beach. He agreed that it would clear his head and threw me a large raincoat. I was appreciative of his protectiveness now. Protective like a boyfriend – although we hadn't discussed that yet.

"We think there may be more wolves going to phase…" Jake explained to me in one easy sentence all that was on his mind. I knew they didn't want more wolves, not because they were strong enough without, but because it wasn't a life they would have picked. Jake wanted more than anything to be free from his wolf. I patted his arm pitifully, hoping to let him know I understood. All of a sudden, there was howl from the woods. "It's Sam. I better go. Go back to my house, and stay there 'till I get back…" He shouted at me as he ran toward the forest, leaving a few pieces of clothing strewn on the ground as he ran to phase on the fly.

The wait back at Billy's place was horrendous. I was terrified as to what was going on. I hoped it was new wolves phasing for the first time. I don't think I was ready for the war just yet, not this soon.

"I'll call Charlie and tell him you're staying over, okay? Don't worry he won't mind." Billy said timidly when he noticed how much of a state I was in. He had had to guess where Jake was because I was too shell-shocked to tell him. Billy told me to go to jakes room and try to sleep. He winked at me as I walked away. Billy was so funny – just like Jake. I could see where his joyful personality came from.

It was real late when Jake got back. I hadn't slept but I was in a zombie-like state when he returned. I had fought sleep for so long, I wasn't even thinking properly.

"Bells, hey, wake up, oh you're awake! Bella! Hello-o? Bella?"

I jumped up and hugged him tight. I had never missed his warmth so much. I hadn't realised I cared this much about Jake. Even to think of him hurting, it hurt me.

"It was new wolves. Brady and Colin. They had been having a fight and both lost their tempers. Lucky nobody saw them, they were right on the beach. They are only fifteen…"

"And you're only sixteen still. But that doesn't matter… How did it go?" I argued, trying to get him to tell me more. I moved up in the bed and sat with my back to his headboard. He sat down next to me and placed a hand on my leg. I looked at him properly then. His face had red marks all over it which continued down to his arms and chest. I gasped and he shrugged it off. I knew he healed quickly but there were a lot of marks.

"You should see Embry. When there are two it's harder to calm them down because they feed off of each other's anxiety. They were very violent. Well, at least now we know how Paul felt keeping us back when we phased. Sam is talking to them now, they'll be fine." I rubbed my fingers absentmindedly over the now healed skin on Jake's upper body as he spoke.

Jake pulled me back down under the blankets and lay beside me. I let myself absorb his heat and I felt the sleep take me. I went to sleep a happy girl, yet I was woken hours later by a tapping on Jake's window. His tiny box room was so small that I was shoved nearly out of the window when he leapt up to open it.

"Morning guys. You gotta come down to Emily's and see this…" Quil shouted as he ran away.

Jake led us down after I was ready. We were both curious as to what was happening. When we arrived, it seemed like the new arrivals were making life difficult for themselves. They wouldn't yield to Sam as their alpha. Jacob thought this a very funny situation. I felt sorry for Brady and Colin. They were both very tall, thin boys with smug faces. I assumed they thought they were better than the rest of the guys; although they weren't the biggest by a long shot.

Sam was very angry – it was easy to tell even though he wasn't shaking. His face had a forced calm about it. "You two – if you won't submit as wolves then you will submit as men. Or else I'll have to teach you."

The two boys laughed and sniggered at Sam, whose eyes had a malicious gleam to them now.

"This is going to be so good. Watch Bells…" Jake whispered so nobody else could hear in my ear.

"On your knees, NOW!" Sam roared. Even I felt like I had to bow down to him. Brady and Colin fought against it, but they eventually collapsed onto their knees in the middle of the kitchen.

The pack all broke out in raucous laughter. I couldn't help myself either. The two new boys had looked very funny when forced to kneel down in front of Sam. They were both very disgruntled now, and didn't look so smug anymore.

Sam kneeled down before them, and started talking to them gently. "You two better learn respect. The way this pack works is through that, each member has a role. We are family. And we are accepting you into it. So play nice. I am your alpha and you will answer to me. And that space in not negotiable or open for change."

Sam's words were final. When he finished he helped the two guys up to their feet where they shook his hand awkwardly.

"See Bells, Sam has such power. He could make us do anything he wants. He tries not to though. Those two are jerks…" Jake was trying to explain to me but got into a rant about his new brothers. I watched Sam as he walked toward Emily. She was smiling assuredly at him. They looked so much in love. I saw now why Sam was the alpha. He could switch it on and off in a moment. He had ultimate control. Maybe it was his accident before that made him be so controlled.

It was obvious why the alpha space wasn't open in this pack. I knew Jake was next in line for it, but he had refused it. He wanted to put it off for a while. Seeing now what Sam had to do, I was grateful that Jake had put it off.

"I can't wait to be able to do that!" He exclaimed beside me. Everyone just laughed.

I was again glad the space wasn't open.

* * *

_**A/N - You had all better be glad I'm so nice...**_

_**I know I said I wasn't going to update until I got some reviews;**_

_**So, I'm giving you one more chance! **_

_**Please give me some reviews, I won't update till then!**_

_**I don't like begging, I just need some positive/negative feedback?**_

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_**Thanks for reading :)**_


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 – Secrets**

Jacob had been watching me closely. He thought I didn't notice but I did. He watched my every move. It was as if he was reading my body language. It made me very self-conscious and made me blush for most of the time I spent with him. I liked being close to Jacob but he seemed on edge – like he had something on his mind.

"What, Jake?" I asked, exasperated. He had been doing this for two days now and as I was scanning the paper for job listings; it did nothing to help my concentration.

We were in my house, lounging around in the living room – him taking up most of the sofa – and I was sprawled on the floor. Charlie was away fishing with Billy so we had a few hours alone. I was grateful. Even with all of these new wolves, things were still hectic within the pack. Brady and Colin hadn't gotten off to a great start and so they needed extra time to adjust to patrols. That meant more work for the rest of the guys.

"Nothing." Jake answered me with finality in his voice. He looked back at me as if to say something, but changed his mind. I huffed and continued my scan of today's papers.

I had taken to collecting each local paper and tearing out the relevant pages. I had seen some pretty interesting jobs on offer. I neither had enough experience or time for most. I couldn't spend all of my time away, so a long commute was out of the question. And Jacob wouldn't agree on that. We weren't exclusive or anything but I felt the need to run things by him. I wanted his approval for everything I did. It wasn't as though I was needy – and I was independent – I just felt he had a right to know. Even if he hadn't yet asked me to be his girlfriend.

As that thought occurred, Jake heaved himself up off the couch and sat down next to me on the floor. He draped a heavy arm over my shoulders and kissed me on the lips. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but one that conveyed all of his feelings to me; I felt love, adoration and devotion. Oh, ask me now Jake!

"Bella… We haven't talked about it yet… But I'd really like it if… I mean… would you be my… Agh! I can't do it!" He looked so cute when he was frustrated. I got the general gist of what he was saying, so I pushed myself closer to him. I smiled as wide as I could – something that was becoming more natural for me in his presence – and nodded.

"What? You will… How did you know…? Oh I don't care. I love you Bella" I was so happy in his arms right there. We had a lot to talk about, but I felt it could wait. Now we both knew where we stood, and it lifted a great burden off of my shoulders. I felt the leftover cracks in my chest soften. I laughed as I leaned in to peck him again. I couldn't get enough of his warm lips on mine.

We heard the front door open and we jumped apart. Jake looked curiously around, he hadn't heard our visitor. It was Charlie. I laughed again, to Charlie's surprise; but my blush wasn't covered up by my humour. He greeted us, telling us the weather was too bad for his and Billy's outing. He told me he had had one catch though, big enough for our dinner. I rushed to get it started. Jake refused his share and left to go keep Billy company. He flashed me that special smile as he turned out the door. All I wanted to do was run after him and never leave his side.

"Bella, what's up with you two? You're all …um… different?" Charlie really was a man to reckon with. I had to laugh again, which made him smile. I supposed he may as well know now as never.

"We're going out now, Dad. Okay?" I guessed it was okay because Charlie had a huge grin plastered all over his face as he picked up the phone. I was sure he was calling Billy. Old ladies like to gossip – but these two were something else.

I went to bed that night all smiles. Charlie had been cheerful because I was happy. He told me so. I had nothing else on my mind at that moment. I got ready for my night of idyllic dreams.

"Bella?" I heard that southern speech outside my window. Why, Jasper, why now when all I want to do is sleep? Did he really need to report to me?

I opened the window obligingly. The icy night air hit me as his frozen frame glided past me stealthily into my room. Jasper nodded to me and I sat down, preparing myself.

"I have news." I nodded, signalling him to continue. "Alice has seen some more. I talked with her today, she was in South America. She is keeping Edward away. But he read her thoughts… He knows that you are invisible to her. And what she could see of you is gone as of today. Edward was mad. He concluded that you were dead of course. So she had to tell him about Victoria. He feels terrible, Bella. I am not sticking up for him but he is truly despaired over this."

I was shocked. But it had been inevitable that he find out eventually. I knew what Jasper was getting at; Alice had told Edward about Jake and me.

"He wanted to come see you, but we couldn't allow it. Who knows what he'd do to Jacob? He promised to stay away for now. He said he will know when the time is right. He accepts that Jacob can give you more life than he ever can. It hurts him, but he can let go if you have. Also, Alice wants you to call her. She's worried because she can't see you. She isn't used to being out of loop. We have found some vampires that Victoria has tried to take into her 'army'"

He voice was laced with disgust when he changed the subject to Victoria. I hadn't realised it had gotten so far in just a week. She now had an army? Would this mean there would be more than ten vampires on her side when she came for me? I was so stressed all of a sudden. The weight that lifted off me earlier fell back down with a heavy thud in my stomach. I couldn't find words so I allowed Jasper to continue in his low calm voice.

"She hasn't been successful, don't worry. But now Edward knows about her. She will try to get to him. She will taunt your relationship in his face. He is prepared. He is tracking her now – his skills are better than mine or Alice's. He will hold her up in Brazil, and he will be successful. Alice has seen this. She can see more now that she is not concentrating on the pack."

Poor Alice, staying away so that she didn't feel lost in the blank futures of the wolves. I felt for her. She had been my best friend before. I missed her terribly. Jasper even looked frightened as he spoke about his mate.

"I know how you feel, Bella, so I just ask you to tell Sam Uley that I will return in a week. Tell him my news. I will wait outside and help you to sleep before I go. Do you mind?"

I shook my head, glad for his gift. More than ever thankful that I knew people like the Cullen's who would risk their existences for me. I felt myself relax even as I shut the window after Jasper. I crawled into bed, waves of calm sending me down into my blissful dreams. I had been waiting for these dreams to come. Nice dreams for a change. I had not given Charlie reason for a midnight stroll in quite some time.

* * *

After I reported back to Sam the next day, I hung around with Emily. I help her getting the pack lunch together. She was so efficient at doing thankless work; I guess it made her feel good to know they all looked up to her. Emily was like a surrogate mother to all of these wolves. I left before the wolves arrived – I wasn't avoiding them – I just didn't want to hear their discussions about the Alice-Edward-Victoria news. As much as I loved Jake, a part of me was still sad for Edward to be hurting over me. Even if I had been hurting for him for far too long now. I felt as though the end to my struggle with accepting that he was not for me was over. All I wanted now was to ensure he was happy – while keeping my Jake happy.

I loved being Jake's girlfriend. I knew he wanted this as much as I did. It felt natural with him. I would never have to change to suit him, and neither him for me. This was everything I ever could have hoped for in a boyfriend. There still was the question of him imprinting on another girl; but I figured that was a hurdle we could cross when we had to. There was no use dwelling on it.

I hadn't seen Angela in a while so I drove over to her house. I hoped she was home. She wasn't. Apparently, she was on holidays with Ben. I hadn't realised they were so very close, I was a slight bit jealous of her. Angela had nothing to worry about only keeping Ben as her own. I had to worry about vampires killing me, my boyfriend and all of the other people I had come to love over this year. Life, I thought, never was what it was made out to be.

As I drove back home to Charlie's I passed a quaint little coffee shop that I had never noticed before. It was a small building with loads of flowers set outside it and cute trestle tables. A sign on the window caught my eye. 'Staff Wanted'. That was the only invitation I needed. I ran through the rain from my parking space across the street and entered the tiny room. It was hot in here, the windows doused with condensation. Perfection was not the word for this café. The walls were lined with bookshelves – a heaven in itself – with more wooden tables and assorted cushioned chairs. It was a mismatched array of colour topped off with the invigorating smell of fresh coffee beans and home-baking.

"Hi there, you want anything, honey? Horrible day out there, can't say it's changed must from the rest of the week though." The squeaky voice of the lone waitress took me by surprise. She was a beautiful woman, around Charlie's age, I'd say. She had long shiny black hair and dark creamy skin. She fitted in so well with her surroundings I would say she was hired to keep up with the look of the shop.

"I, um, I just wondered about the Staff Wanted sign on the window?" I started hopefully. I really was too much of an introvert for this sort of thing. But I did really need this job. My college fund was slowly but surely depreciating in value ever since I left Newton's.

The lady smiled warmly at me and told me to take a seat. She served another customer then came and plopped herself down on the purple velour couch next to me.

"I'm Anna. We've just opened up last week, and business has really taken off. I hadn't realised so any people around here like this sort of thing." She waved her arms around the cramped space. I smiled politely and shook her hand.

"I'm Bella. Do you need a resume?" I offered, secretly hoping she didn't because I didn't need to run back outside in the rain right now. It was so warm in here, I loved it. I had been getting used to the heat lately though.

"No, Bella. If you want a job, you look capable enough to me. Have you ever waited tables before? Doesn't matter. It's a cinch. Want to pop by tomorrow and I can show you the ropes?" I was a little taken aback by her forwardness. "No second thoughts I hope? I've been desperate for help!"

This woman was so nice I promised her I'd be back the next morning at nine. She was delighted and took my number. I couldn't wait to tell someone about this. I was so happy even as I entered the cold outdoors and rushed to my truck.

* * *

"Come down to First Beach tonight, Bells, please? We haven't talked in two days!" Jake was pleading with me over the phone. I felt bad to refuse him again but I had a lot to do. My job at the coffee shop was going exceptionally well. I loved it. It was always bustling with energy and people rushing in and out. Anna was the nicest boss I could have asked for. She had me trained in within the hour and sent me home on my first day. I was thankful for this, as I needed time to catch up with Renee.

Renee was so glad that I had found a job. She was happy about my relationship too. We gushed to each other over the phone for about an hour or two. I lounged around to house for the day, calling everyone I knew to tell them about the café. Charlie was pleased and had even popped in for a coffee the next day. Anna was immediately taken with him; she was new in town and had heard all about Chief Swan. Anna herself was a single woman, with no intention of romance whatsoever. She was taken with her books and her shop and she told me that was all she ever would need. I didn't probe too much, but she seemed to instantly trust whoever she spoke to. A very admirable trait to have.

Tomorrow was Sunday, so I had the day off. I wanted to see Jake, but I was still afraid he would bring up Edward. I couldn't put it off for much longer though; he had to be on to me. He hung up the phone with an air of defeat about his husky voice. I detected a slight bit of anger too. What was wrong with me? Every chance at happiness and I ruined it. I hoped I hadn't pushed Jake too far away.

When Charlie saw me look down, he popped the question. "Are you coming down to the Black's with me Bella? I'm driving so it's a chance to let your hair down? I'll be staying late too. If you want to spend some time with Jacob. I haven't seen that boy since early in the week."

I shrugged, uncommitted. I didn't want to be too stand-offish but I wasn't eager either. I knew I had better go. If Charlie had noticed, Jacob had definitely noticed. We left a little while later, me with a lasagne in hand, to feed the Blacks with. They didn't get much home-cooking with no women in the house. Jake's sisters hadn't been home in years, and his mom passed away when he was younger.

"Hey Bella… Jacob's gone to the beach already. He told me you weren't coming over…" Billy greeted me, he was a little uneasy. I prayed that I hadn't upset Jake too much. I shoved the lasagne in the oven - giving the men strict instructions – and ran for the beach. I heard the pack before I saw them. There were shouts and roars and the smoke coming from an unseen bonfire. The pack did love their bonfires.

I tried to sneak up to surprise them, but sneaking up on werewolves is obviously not an option. I was shrouded in half naked forms being passed from one to the next until I reached what I knew to be Jake's arms. I breathed in his musky, woodsy scent. My heart ached for him. I felt so bad for not seeing him all week, as he was just what I needed. He let me go way too soon and I almost objected to it.

"Bella! What are you doing here?" That was not the greeting I was hoping for, either. I smiled and offered him a shrug, instead of an explanation. He let it go and kept standing in front of me. Everyone had gone quiet. I felt my cheeks burn – maybe I wasn't welcome here. Jake opened his mouth to say something but he coughed and the words got caught in his throat. His eyes were focused on some point over my head. He stammered and coughed like that for a few minutes until I tried to look around his bulk. I couldn't see the rest of the pack but I knew something must be wrong.

"Hi Bella, come with me for a while, we'll leave the boys here…" Emily grabbed my arm and turned me around swiftly. I caught a picture of the scene behind Jake as I turned. All of the pack was standing in a circle; all of them seemed to have dates… Why were they hiding this? The guys had always gone through girls like there wasn't enough time in the day. But then I noticed it. There was an extra girl. An empty space next to her. Jake was still standing away from the group. I was dragged along with Emily trying to put two and two together and not get thirteen.

"Come on Bella, we'll get some food ready for later. The boys have some things to talk about. They are …um…. Well there have been some arguments lately. After some more news from that Cullen. And you know how they get. Well, to be honest Bella. You would have had to have seen it. You should have had to see it." I sensed some tension in her words. Jasper had been back? Nobody told me anything anymore. I was shaking, with fear, silently begging Emily to tell me who that girl was. She was the only figure I could see. But I also saw red.

We arrived at Emily's and she was bustling around the kitchen. I just stood in the doorway, still shaking. She looked at me with a pitiful expression on her face. She handed me a cup of warm cocoa and led me to a chair. I braced myself for the worst.

"Because I am the only wolf-girl, I guess I ought to tell you. Jaspers news the other day wasn't good. It's Edward. He's undecided about finding Victoria. Jasper didn't give us many details… The main gist of it was that Alice saw his future change. He changed his mind. He said that Edward is unstable, that his future changes all of the time. But you were in it. He didn't say how or why you showed up, but you were there."

I sighed. "So, Jacob doesn't want me because I have a future? My future is with Jake…" I trailed off, realising what I was saying. My sun. Brightening up everything… except Alice's visions. She couldn't see Jake. I panicked. I didn't want Edward. Only the other day I had decided I was over Edward. Yes, the scars were still there, but only as a reminder. A reminder that I had had my first love and had moved on. I was shell-shocked. "Emily, I…"

"No, Bella. This is serious. Tonight's bonfire was supposed to congratulate you on your new job. Sam changed it to 'Moving on'. For Jake. If you have a future with vampires, you know it can't be with Jake too. I love you like a sister Bella but you can't do this. You need to go away. You need to think about your life. I won't see him hurting over you. He fixed you Bella, how can you do this?"

"But I'm not doing anything Em, I don't understand. I don't want my future with vampires, I want it with Jake. You have to believe me. I made that decision weeks ago. I owe so much to Jake. He made me feel love again and I do Emily, I love him." I pleaded with her to believe me. She, of all people, had to know love when she saw it. She had been through so much for love. "Please Emily, I'm begging you… Don't let him leave me. Did he have a date tonight? We're not even going out together a week and he has a date. I haven't even had a date with him. I know I haven't been around, but I have a lot on my mind. Not Edward."

"Okay, Bella. I believe you." Emily said with finality in her voice. "No, by the way. That was Leah Clearwater. She's been acting …strange lately and Sam thinks she's about to phase. Girls don't normally, well never before. But she has the temperature, mood swings, and of course a serious uncontrollable urge to rip apart anyone who pisses her off." She shuddered.

I swallowed. There had been so much going on that I wasn't even aware of. There was a small self-absorbed part of my mind that was wishing I hadn't pissed Leah off. I had seen her before – after Jake had told me who she was. She was a tall, lean girl. A body to die for. Dark skin, hair and eyes and she was a force to be reckoned with apparently. Scary combination.

Emily threw out my untouched, cold cocoa and I looked at her apologetically. It was seldom anyone refused anything from Emily's kitchen. We strolled back down to the beach.

"Oh and Bella. Be nice to Jake. We have to think of something to change that stupid vision now. If it wasn't you then…" She gasped and caught a firm grip on my shoulder. "What if Edward is going to steal you away?" I laughed at her expression. I assured her that Edward might be hurting but he wouldn't do anything against my own free will. It didn't help my case but it was the truth.

"Emily, if all the guys are mad at me, why did they all rush to hug me and greet me like they did?" This was bugging me.

She shrugged and laughed. "Boys" We giggled simultaneously.

I was glad I had Emily on my side as we approached the group again. All heads were turned our way. Most of the girls had moved on up the beach, I fumed at myself for how stupid I had been. The guys all said soft hellos to us and Paul just grimaced. That was strange.

I ran and hopped on Jake's lap. Enveloping me in his warmth was sure-fire way to ease my distress and his too. It was a confusing night. I was glad Emily had told me what was going on though.

"I love you Jacob Black and I want nobody else." I whispered as seductively as I could muster into his ear. I had never tried to be seductive before, but he shuddered as if it had worked. He smiled at me gently. "I know I'm meant for you, Jake. I know it. I will always be yours."

I planted my lips onto his. The cold escaping me and filling its place was pure sunshine. I felt happy and warm as I kissed Jake. His hands gripped in my hair and pulled me closer to him. His tongue roamed into my mouth caressing it gently. My head throbbed as I tried to stay glued to his face, but I heard a faint _hem-hem_ sound from behind us. Jacob and I both blushed as we broke apart and I hopped quickly off of his lap.

Everyone seemed more at ease with me then. Except for Paul. He wouldn't even look my way. Everyone else chattered on until about midnight and bit by bit the group broke away. Leah and Seth left first, Seth having to be dragged away by his older sister. Leah hadn't been too intimidating. She was cold and barely spoke, but she hadn't been horrible. Emily and Sam left next, both looking very loved up arms wrapped around each other walking towards the outskirts of the forest to their home. Jared left with his girlfriend Kim. I hadn't known he had a girlfriend. I figured out that there was something serious about them by the way everyone avoided touching her. If anyone even looked her way, Jared would glare them out until they turned away from him. Embry and Quil left with Colin and Brady, all off to do a quick patrol before going home. That left Jake and I alone with Paul.

We offered Paul the walk home. He accepted and fell into step beside me while Jake ran back to douse the last flames on the fire.

"Swan, if you ever scare him like that again, I will have to strangle you. I like you, but as a sister. And to be in his mind when we phased made everyone else think they want you too. He was pining for you when he hadn't even lost you. I never want to feel like I want you Bella, it was revolting." I was a little bit offended, I had to admit. Paul said no more and ran off into the darkness.

I felt the warmth behind me before I saw him. Jake wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and squeezed me into his midriff. We stopped by the garage on our way towards the house. I wanted to see Jake's Rabbit. I also couldn't bear to part with him just yet. Holding hands we strolled in and Jake switched on the small light in the corner.

"You finished it! How come you haven't picked me up yet?"

Jake shuffled his feet nervously on the floor. He looked so cute. "I wanted to ask you on a date first…" His voice was quiet.

Love gushed out of me in that moment. I ran and jumped at him, knocking him back a little in the surprise attack. I was proud of myself. I kissed him deeply and passionately, finishing what we had started on the beach. I felt his strong hands clamp onto my waist, his fingers dipping underneath my shirt to touch the skin on my back. Arousal awakened within me. Jake leaned back and chuckled. I suddenly remember something Jasper had said about werewolf senses.

I slapped at Jake but smiled. I knew he knew I felt this way. He made me feel this way. It had been embarrassing before, but now I thought about it, it wasn't out of the ordinary for teenagers. Even if all boys didn't sense it. My boyfriend was better than all boys. He deserved to know he made me feel this way. Nobody had ever made me feel this way before.

I let loose and pushed my hips closer to his, as he pushed against mine and continued our kiss. His hand slipped further up my back, gently caressing my skin. I laced my fingers through his hair and pulled his head towards mine. I couldn't get close enough to him, my love. I knew we wouldn't do anything …more, just yet. It didn't bother me though. Jacob was worth the wait. We stayed in that position for what felt like an age before we decided it was time to go inside.

We were greeted with the knowing smiles of our wise fathers. Nothing was secret from them. And I hoped nothing ever was secret from my Jake either. He deserved someone whose future was sure to be with him, but I felt mine was. Alice would just have to admit she was wrong this time.

Jasper had some explaining to do. Never had any Cullen kept secrets like this from me.

* * *

_**A/N - Hey guys. This was my longest chapter yet. **_

_**Next one is going to be ...different. Any ideas on what i might do? What you want me to do? **_

_**What's going on with the pack? Throw some thoughts at me!**_

_**Review!**_

_**Thanks for reading anyway... :) Byee.**_


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 – Elsewhere**

The sun blazed down on her cold hard skin. She hated the feel of its heat on her dead body. Life had dragged on for too long. In her world, things were magnified to the last extent – but time passed like nothing. She was in a new city now. Full of life which she was glad for. Their lives would ensure her existence was continued on this earth. Every distinct heartbeat drummed in her head as she struggled to find some of her own kind. It had been so easy to drag others into her plan before. But being out in the open again made her uneasy, sceptical.

She remembered back to that faithful day she visited Alaska. They hadn't known what hit them. They were all so trusting, and he slipped from under their noses. He had been easy to convince, easy to distract from their 'different' lifestyle. She loathed that choice they made – to live like they were ashamed of what they were. She had entered their coven, been accepted and then let go again. She made sure not to get near the mind-reader. Of course, they had had to have been there. They seemed determined to ruin her. Her own kind. Never before had she met one like them and there were six of them. But her helper had only just joined them – he was so willing to go back to his natural ways, go back to what actually quenched the never-ceasing thirst that burned all of their throats. He had left his mate immediately when she had told him where to find the sweetest drink. Her web had only just begun then.

She had followed him, to where her vengeance was next destined to be aimed. She needed to torture that human. He did not even sense her following. He was not very gifted. She watched, her marble body pressed into the trunks of the pine trees. She hated the forest, but it made good cover. Then she saw _them_. Evil merciless dogs, they were. She hissed and escaped before they saw her. She had watched them rip her helper to shreds and burn him to the ground. They had rescued that one forsaken human. She had secretly hoped the mutts would eat her too. She couldn't help it. She trailed behind, careful of her scent. She watched them all run away from the limp frame. But one kept watch. Five left, one remained. She hadn't been sure whether or not to take the girl then. Help had failed to aide her cause. She had to do this alone. Then she saw it. The dog turned human. In one flick of its tail it shrank and a naked man stood in its place.

Research. She had done that since. She had found out all that she needed to know about that mutts. A new plan formed in her mind. More webs began spinning. She slipped easily into this revenge mode. Her vast mind welcome to the thoughtless rituals of murder as she avoided grieving the loss of her mate.

She missed him so much. It felt to her as though half of her brain had been torn out and burned with him. Like there had been no air, even though she no longer needed it. As though all of her limbs had been stripped from her. She was helpless without him. But she knew different now. She would dedicate her life to making the one responsible miserable forever. She would make him crack under the pressure; make him want to end his time of being.

Right now, though, the city called to her. She had to find some of her own. She had tried every back alley and loft; nothing. She needed more research. Suddenly, she smelled them. Those excuses for vampires. Not all of them. One. The one she wanted. She one she needed to break. She watched him from the rooftop of her new resting place. She didn't need her rest, but the owner had smelled divine. He was already miserable.

His stature was not arrogant like normal. He was bent over like he had aged almost. She was confused. She needed to know more.

* * *

Alice sat in the basement of her family's new home. She felt alone. No visions and no Jasper. Jasper was helping her to help Bella without actually being there. Alice gave him strict instructions on how to treat those dogs and how to treat Bella. She missed her so badly. After her last vision of Victoria, Alice had come nowhere near to her. She wouldn't dare.

She had seen Victoria's plans to kill the wolves, but not directly. She had seen victoria telling Edward about them. Edward, in the vision, had agreed to her wishes. Alice had come back from her mind pleading with the air to stop this. She knew Bella had loved Jacob Black for some time now, as she hadn't seen her in a few days – and only snippets before that. Edward would just have to come to terms with that.

The glistening new phone in her pocket rang – a shrill sound in the silent house. It had been Jasper. He was urgent, talking about Bella and Jake and the pack. Alice tuned into him and realised he was excited about being involved in what the wolves had decided was war with Victoria.

The phone call hadn't elated her mood; even though her love had been so delightful. She would do anything to be near Bella again. She knew her time would come though. Just as she thought of that a vision came to the forefront of her mind:

_There was a clearing, surrounded by trees. She saw two figures, lying on the ground in the centre of the open space. The ground had high grass and blue flowers springing up from it at irregular intervals all around the two figures. With a closer look, she saw Edwards's lofty hair, swept back in his carefree way. His head was leaning back, laughing. Happiness flooded the space. Around by his side was a girl. A small, frail looking girl she was. Mid-length brown hair and an awkward stature. _

_Bella._

Alice could not tell where her body ended and the scream of terror started. She didn't want this she didn't want to see this. This could not be the future; she had to be looking at some distant past. Rosalie entered the room, glowering at her. Alice spilled out what she had seen to her sister. Rosalie ran as fast as she could go, almost invisible in her speed, to tell Carlisle. He hadn't been impressed. Alice had had to go over that vision countless times to each family member. They didn't know what to do. They all knew from Jasper that Bella was happy with Jacob. He had seen a different young girl in the forest, embracing her wolf as if she had known it was him forever. There had been evidently love deeply ingrained into their relationship. Nothing had made the Cullen's more relieved to hear that Bella was happy.

Edward was another story though. They had to tell him. Alice left for La Pas in Bolivia, where she knew Edward to be, immediately.

* * *

He had been livid. He was alone in this lovely city, distracting himself from everything that made him think of her. Of course his sister had to show up, with this – this news. He hated her. She had barged right up to him and told him everything where he had stood.

He had felt himself falter before he knew he had. His body slowed imperceptibly but for anyone who had his same speed. His sister did. She held him while he begged her to be a liar. To just say she was lying and leave. It had to be his entire fault. Everything he had made that girl go through was for his own selfish desires and now her life was to be cut short – on his account.

After his initial anger dissipated, he found the strength to want to see Bella. Alice told him the other news then, about Bella's newfound love. Edward crumpled. His eyes deceived his proud statuesque frame. His eyes were on fire, smouldering with agony. Alice talked him through his shock. It had hurt him like hell, but once she was contented, he would have to overcome his emotional state.

He set to work. His sister told him all he needed to do. He felt she was keeping something from him. Her mind was replaying over and over the national anthem in Ancient Greek. He raised an eyebrow at her and ran back to the village, where he knew some of their own kind resided.

* * *

This city was not big enough for her and for him. She knew it would come to a fight. She had watched him for days. He walked the streets like a human, bent over with his grief. It had to be because his love was involved with the dogs.

Courage was something that came natural to her now. A confrontation with him would clear her mind. Maybe she could manipulate him to be her puppet also. She had gotten very adept at hiding her thoughts. She followed him down to a small dock. How he had come to this city she knew not – she only knew he had to come to find her. He stopped down on the dock, not a soul in sight. He turned and whispered her name.

"Victoria…" The velvety voice did not help her concentration. She needed to be convincing. She told him all about the mongrels and her not too helpful colleague. He seemed to be prepared for her to try to take him in. He stared at her. She needed a new story. She needed one that was sure to take him in.

"Her mind Edward, it's nothing to yours. Your mind has multifaceted depths in which you can delve into others'. Hers is so small it cannot even open enough to accept yours. I expect fascination was more of what the beating heart held for you. Not love, you silly child. You are older than me in ways, but you have wasted your wisdom on a poetic fairy-tale love. Those things don't become beings like us Edward…" Her voice was laced with seduction and deception at the same time.

Edwards mind became unclear. He knew what he was supposed to do, but for this instant, his anger was bad, unrivalled. He thought about the dog. About what he would be doing to Bella, thinking about her and touching her in inappropriate ways. He shuddered with frustration. He thought of Alice. She had trusted him to be over this.

But the jealousy was killing him. Softly, ever so softly. He wasn't giving up his existence for a mutt. Bella would have to get over that dog…after he died.

* * *

The Cullen's were standing like statues in their living room – six beautiful statues lining the walls of their mansion in Alaska. Jasper had had to return home quickly after a visit with Bella. He had updated her, but not wholly on Alice visiting Edward. He didn't want to scare her with this new revelation. They all hoped it would change soon. But it was the only thing that Alice saw when she searched for Bella in her mind's eye. None of them wanted her to be with Edward again. Bella was a young girl and she needed a life to look forward to. Jacob Black could give her that.

Alice was still having more visions about Edward.

He was killing Victoria.

He was dead.

He was alone, in Italy.

He was killing Bella.

_Nothing._

The scene had change so many times; Alice was rendered speechless by the vicious visions playing out in her head. Everyone winced and hissed when she told them each as they occurred. Now they were coming so fast she could barely hold herself upright. Jasper held her slight frame in his arms.

"We have to make decisions now, vital things need to be decided right here and now…"

After a long discussion led by Carlisle, the Cullen's decided to tell the wolves everything. Emmet was sent as back up for Jasper, in case things got ugly. And with that they left for Forks.

Carlisle retreated to his study with Esme in tow. He had never felt so torn in his whole long, drawn out life.

* * *

Emmet bounded through the trees, pushing away any that got in his way. A fight had broken out amongst the wolves and Jasper. Jasper was too quick for them, so Emmet had time to make an entrance. He knew he was larger than these wolves. He burst onto the scene, but his entrance was ruined by a wolf automatically pinning him to the ground.

Jasper still seemed to be talking. The fight that Emmet had heard had been a scuffle between a few different mutts. A large brown one was trying to bite and tear his way towards their leader, who was standing, as human next to Jasper. It took two other wolves to hold him back. Looking around, Emmet saw his adversary snarling his way as he retreated into the line of the trees.

Jasper looked wearily at Emmet. Another wolf phased back to his human form. He was tall and had a hard, mean look about his face.

"If you all don't stay away from her I will come and kill you all myself. I am sick of this. If you had just left us to deal with it, it would all be over now!"

Sam banished the angry boy with a wave of his hand. Alpha powers. Emmet laughed. It had been a horrible move. None of the wolves knew he had a playful nature. He ran before they attacked, he wouldn't break their treaty, not now.

Jasper had recounted the complete story to Sam. It was not to a happy reception either. Jacob had been ruined when he heard Bella's future had been seen with Edward. When they knew Edward was undecided about Victoria, they all surmised she would become one of them. Jasper tried to explain the difficult situation as best he could. Nothing could deter Jacob from trying to rip his throat out right there and then for bringing this horrible news. He left with a miserable air. Hearing Sam giving Alpha orders to the pack. It was so that would still protect Bella and La Push no matter what happened. That weren't to give up. That would be hard for Jacob Black as he crumpled in a heap on the pine needles of the forest floor.

* * *

Emmet was still laughing that booming sound as he ran through the trees. He was being followed, he was sure it was that angry teen again. He was right. He smelled the putrid mongrel before he saw him. When he turned he stopped, the teen was in human form; a look of pure torture on his face. Emmet stopped and held out a hand.

"Hey, I don't want a fight big guy. I'm on your side here… The treaty…" Emmet tried to sound committed to his side but he couldn't help the grin when he said 'big guy'. Emmet had always been a joker. Even when times didn't call for it.

The wolf-boy laughed at him. A slow derisive laugh. It wasn't meant to be funny, only downright cruel.

"Cullen. I hate your guts by nature. We're all going against it to fight for one girl. One girl who I won't allow to become a leech. She isn't meant to be one. She is meant to be human. I am not Jacob Black but I am a friend and she is meant to be with us, with the pack. You tell that to your physic. Tell your fortune-teller to cut the crap and fix herself. She was wrong." Paul spat on the ground at Emmets feet.

Never in all of his time as a vampire had Emmet been intimidated by anything. But right here and now, this wolf was so serious, it scared the hell out of him. He didn't let it show. But this dog was so determined to convey his message that he was shaking with rage. He had pulled himself up to his full height and was level with the vampire. They were equals. Emmet knew it, and Paul knew it.

Emmet left in a heartbeat after nodding silently to the wolf.

Love came at him in all forms when he saw that pack today. To this brotherly bond, to the fear that Jacob Black showed when he thought about losing Bella. He would have to tell Rosalie. She had always wanted Bella to have this kind of life…

* * *

_**A/N - I hope this chapter came across the way I wanted it to, it was hard to write... **_

_**I hope it brings some of the detail together in the story for you,**_

_**It is shorter than the last few, but I said all I had to say,**_

_**there's no sense in dragging it out any longer.**_

_**Another Chapter Soon,**_

_**So REVIEW?**_

_**:)**_


	16. Chapter 15

_**A/N - Please Review! It would really help me... :)**_

_**

* * *

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**Chapter 15 – Difficult**

I woke with a start on Monday morning. As I stared around my room I had the feeling somebody was watching me. I looked towards the open window and caught something shimmering in the early sun. It had to be just after dawn. As I got up to investigate closer, I saw the figure I had been waiting to visit me, sitting in the tree outside my window. With a graceful air, he leapt into my room, never making a sound.

Jasper watched me with anxious eyes. I knew he was gauging my emotions, so I kept myself under checks. I didn't want him to know how annoyed I was. He had nearly caused a rift between me and my Jake. He had some grovelling to do. I was nice enough to allow him report to me for the week, and he threw it in my face like that.

"Bella. I know I have a lot to explain. But we decided it was best if we just told them first. We weren't sure if this would affect you…" Jasper looked tremendously guilty. His pristine features were boring into the floorboards as I scrutinized his demeanour.

"Who's we? How can you say that this would affect me? What would you know? You left Jasper and you let him blame your weakness!" I was furious now, my voice nearly extending beyond my whispers – I couldn't wake Charlie. I determined to bring him into that fury too; he had to feel exactly what I felt.

"Please Bella; let me explain it to you…" He continued when I didn't respond. I didn't want to tell him, but I wanted to know. I wanted to know everything. "Alice hasn't been having any visions involving you with a while, and then she did. But you were with Edward. And happy too. The family decided that you were better off not knowing. It might …_change_ it."

Now the fury bubbled over in a haze of red clouding my senses. They wanted it to be real. The Cullen's, who I had thought to be on my side, wanted my relationship with Jake ruined for one vision!

"NO. No, Jasper. It will change. I am never going back to Edward. I won't. Don't you see I'm not able? I'm not in love with _him_ anymore, I love Jacob now and it's going to stay that way. Now, tell me what else is going on." I wanted him to stop this, doubting my relationship with Jake was something I didn't take to easily to. Jasper looked mad at me for dismissing him so callously but it had to be done. He needed to feel that anger that was bubbling over on me. He must have felt it now because he did nothing to stop it.

Jasper stared at me, a wild expression on his face. He stuttered out one statement.

"You should feel lucky to have been with someone like Edward. You are only human after all. You shouldn't even know about us…"

That statement set swiftly into motion my fear. Realisation that this was actually a vampire in front of made me shake and squirm. He came closer, I looked at his hands. Those hands could crush me in a second. I hoped I hadn't pushed it too far. I could have just accepted what he was saying and held my tongue. His arms tightened and he gripped mine with those killer hands. I could feel the blood getting cut off to my hands and they started to prickle.

The next thing I knew I was being thrown out of my own bedroom window. No, not thrown. I never hit the ground. I was flying… No. I was being carried. I was being run through the forest towards an unknown destination. Going so fast I wasn't able to see who it was that was carrying me, but I was sure it was Jasper. What was he going to do with me?

My distress was short lived. We arrived at the Cullen's old house. It still stood in all its former glory. I remembered coming to this house, and being amazed by the sight of it hidden in the trees where it stood out like a sore thumb. Jasper put me down and walked me to the door, keep a hand gripping my shoulder. I was still getting an air of anger from him. His eyes betrayed his calm posture; his eyes were filled with pure rage.

"Don't be frightened Bella. You are just being stupid." He spat out my name like a bad word. I had never seen Jasper act this way. He opened the door and walked inside. The house was empty. There was nothing left, all of the Cullen's' belongings had left with them. We entered Carlisle's old study. The room was still as grand as it had ever been. The walls were lined with paintings, probably priceless, and the shelves on the walls still held their dusty old tomes. The desk was still erect in the centre of the room, with the grand chair behind it.

"What are we doing here?" I asked tentatively. I was unsure of Jasper's incentives for bringing me here. He shrugged and leaned absently against the wall.

"I miss this place Bella. I miss what my family had here. I just think we need a quiet place to talk. I'm sorry for getting angry with you, I didn't mean to. It's hard to keep my patience when you test me like that. You do smell …enchanting. I'm sorry." He added when he saw my face. I was shocked. I thought Jasper had gotten over his want for human blood. His eyes were still that watery orange colour, so I knew everything was okay. He just wanted to talk in the comfort of his old house.

"No, it's okay Jasper. I was so frustrated about that vision. I really do hope Edward has a fulfilling life, but I sure as hell am not going to be in it. Please, I don't mean any offence to him. But things have changed." I hoped he understood. My anger from earlier had totally withered out when he had scared me – maybe that was his intention.

"I am going to tell you what we cannot tell the wolves…"

Jasper recited to me all of Alice's recent visions. The calm that was keeping me upright left along with any sense of surety I had as he spoke. He explained why none of his reports have matched up, how he spun us lies after more lies because he and Alice hadn't decided what to do. He told me about there being no vision to say that Edward had been totally won over – that he was going to kill Victoria. But there had been one specifically where I was lying in a meadow with him. And many involving Edwards life end, or drastically change. I gagged as he described some of those visions. He said Alice had been too sad to come tell me herself, as the visions of Edward kept coming through to her. She had been very close to her brother, so of course his future was at the forefront of her mind right now.

My breathing became shallow when he was finished. I had to sit down in Carlisle's chair to steady myself. I wished that this was a bad dream. Pleaded. Jasper sent wave after wave of calm emotions over me, but they didn't help. I was too distressed even for his powers. Nothing could have stopped my mind from seeing Edward kill me over and over again – each time more gruesome than the last.

"You cannot tell the pack Bella please. They will slaughter me for lying. I didn't give them too many details when I came. We decided to tell them, but not the horrible bits. We are all hoping that Edward will see the light soon before it's too late. Alice is watching out for him… He might – you know – deter from our lifestyle in his time alongside Victoria. Esme is trying to reach him…"

Jasper brought me home after I had calmed down. So they were all weary about Edward's eyes turning red soon. That scared me too. I daren't believe it. Edward had always seemed so controlled. He was so alike to Carlisle; who had started his coven to have better values in their life. We stopped at my window while Jasper set me down gently.

"I will have to tell Jacob, Jasper. I know you don't want me to, but I have to. I am afraid and he is the only one I want to talk to. I will warn him you did it to protect us, I will tell him your reasons. They need your help so they won't hurt you…" I strained to sound as confident as I could. I did need to tell Jacob. I needed to talk about this with my best friend – not my boyfriend. I needed Jake to be here for me because I was afraid; more so than I would like to admit.

Jasper simply nodded at me, apprehension written all over his pristine features. He knew I would do this with or without his permission. This was all caused by me; I would not keep anyone in the dark about anything anymore. That didn't help anything.

It was now mid-morning. Charlie had left for work – how had I gotten away with being out of the house for so long? I didn't need to worry about it. I left for my shift at Anna's after I had something to eat. My head still boggled and all I wanted to do was see Jake.

Work had been pretty uneventful. I had been too distracted to notice anything. I broke two cups and one saucer today. A new record for me – normally it was just knocking over some books. Before I left, Anna stopped me.

"Honey, you make sure you see that boy of yours soon. You look like hell." Thanks, boss, I thought wryly. I smiled at Anna apologetically, but she brushed me off telling me she would see me in the morning.

I left and went home to fix dinner for Charlie. He was watching television in the living room, some sports game or something.

"Fix up some extra Bells. Billy and Harry are coming over." He smiled at me. I was delighted. This meant Jake would be free to see me, alone. I remembered something about Harry just then, something Emily had said.

"Dad, is Harry okay?"

Charlie looked taken aback by my question. He assured me that Harry's health issue had just been a scare – but he didn't specify what. He told me that only the family had known about it. He was watching me curiously. I nodded and walked away to prepare dinner. This was what I needed, a monotonous task that would take my mind away from the scary thoughts that filled my head completely.

I practically ran out the door after serving the three old friends a large batch of fried chicken with potatoes. They all thanked me but I barely heard them – I was barrelling towards my best friend. Boyfriend. I would never get used to that.

Jacob wasn't at home when I arrived there. I went to Emily's house too, but she told me the guys were down at the beach already. They were all having their food down there; Emily hadn't had the heart to call them back to the house. I helped her get the food ready, and carry it down to the beach. We lugged the huge baskets along until our respective wolves came and took the baskets from us.

Jake winked at me as he tucked into his food. All of them were silent as they ate. When feeding time had finished they all lay back on the cold sand and relaxed a little. I admired how comfortable they all were together.

Jake and I walked away down the beach, to a place where the pack wouldn't overhear us. I had to tell him everything. And soon. I needed some release.

"Jasper visited me." I decided it was easier to start and allow him to question me. "He had a lot to say…"

"What was the lee- I mean what was he doing here? He told us he wouldn't have more news for a few weeks at the least. Did he tell you about… that pixie's dream or whatever it was about you?" Jake seemed anxious. He was referring to my future that had been seen with Edward. I understood Alice to be the pixie. I nodded to him; we hadn't talked about _that_ yet.

I recounted all of what Jasper had told me to Jake. I told him how scared I was. I told him how much he meant to me. I told him everything that I needed to make myself okay again. I needed somebody to tell me everything was going to be okay. All of this had become too much for me. I just wanted my life to be normal and stress-free – with my job, my house, my Jake.

"Aw, Bells…" Jake slid an arm around my waist and pulled me down onto his lap on the sand. His warmth was reassuring enough for my tired limbs. "You don't have to be scared. I don't care if I only have ten more minutes with you, as long as I know I had some part of you. You let me into your heart and I am so happy for that. Don't worry about all of this stuff… if the leech said they'd take care of it, then they will."

This was what I needed. He seemed to know how to soothe me. It was so natural for us. I knew it was hard for him to move on from the fact that Jasper had lied, but he was letting it slide, just for me.

"You know I have to tell Sam. I'm sorry, but I have to. If I don't he'll see it in my thoughts…" Jake really did look sorry. "But for now, it's just me and you, Bells."

I knew I could get through this with Jake by side.

We strolled back to his house, Billy was still at mine. We lay down together on the sofa, our bodies pressed tight against each other. It was so comforting. We didn't talk any more about anything stressful. We lay there and whispered sweet nothings to each other. I had to tell Jake how much he meant to me over and over, I felt I couldn't express it enough. I felt the fatigue come over me. I suggested going home, but Jake slapped me playfully on the wrist and told me Billy would tell Charlie I was here. I left the sleep overtake me. Jake's heat was surrounding me, his sweet hot breaths calming me as they danced over the side of my face.

A while later I heard Billy come in but was too tired to even open my eyes.

"Will I call Charlie, Jake?"

"Please, she's had a difficult day, I just want her to sleep…"

I heard the wheels of Billy's chair squeaking as he rolled toward the kitchen. A sweet kiss was pressed into my temple. I let my mind wander. I snuggled in as close as I could to Jake, knowing I was safe here in his arms.

I thought about my day, everything had been so wrong. And now, being here with Jake made it all seem so right. But I knew every problem was not solved by just upheaving my emotions onto him. It was a strange situation…

Difficult. That was one way to describe it.


	17. Chapter 16

A/N - I know, it's been too long. This chapter is pivotal.. I hope it comes across the way I want it to.

* * *

**Chapter 16 – Friction**

"_**Change means movement. Movement means friction. Only in the frictionless vacuum of a non-existent abstract world can movement or change occur without that abrasive friction of conflict."**_

Waking up in Jakes arms had been heavenly. So much so that I woke with a satisfied groan escaping my lips, signalling my approval for his warmth – even if I was a bit sweaty – and for his comforting arms around me. I was so tightly held that I felt completely and utterly safe especially from my own thoughts. Thoughts were dangerous things these days. If I so much as let my mind wander down one path, it always led me back to worrying about all things vampire.

Now I not only had to worry about Victoria but I also had to worry myself about Edward and all of the Cullen's. I was all to blame…

Stop.

I had to stop myself. Jake suddenly woke up and stretched out fully on the small couch. This was not a good move for him. However good he made me feel, he had just succeeded in throwing me unceremoniously from the couch before he woke up properly. He didn't even notice me falling he seemed so tired. He kept stretching and turning around on the couch. He looked so cute. Like the old Jake. Not the hard exterior I saw when he was with the pack – but the soft features of a teenage boy. So peaceful.

I was still sat on the floor when Billy rolled in. He laughed at my spread-eagled form on his living room floor. I blushed. All of the heat my body still held from Jacob was rushing to my face; I could bet that my cheeks were enflamed with crimson.

"You want some breakfast, Bella?" Billy asked quietly from across the room. I nodded to him, took one last look at my Jake, and left for the kitchen with Billy.

I decided I had better cook him something as he had let me sleep over last night. I rummaged through the fridge, occasionally taking out some ingredients for a big omelette. I made it bigger than we needed because I could bet Jake would smell the food even in his slumber. Billy mumbled thanks to me as he switched on the radio.

"I'm happy for you two. He was so sad when he couldn't tell you everything, you know. I hate to think what he would be like if you two ever split up, Bella. Jacob has been through enough this year, he has risen to the challenges, but he needs you. There is a lot going on and I just need to know you will stay by his side when…" Billy trailed off. I had never heard him be so stern. It was touching to see how much he loved his son. He wanted his son to be happy – he didn't need to worry about me. When did he think I was going to leave though? He couldn't have known about the visions too, could he?

Then I remembered Billy is on the council, one of the tribe's elders.

"Billy, oh. I promise I won't ever leave him. I won't. I know I need him too. Sometimes too much. But he's my best friend and now more so I won't ever let that go. I really do owe him my life… all of them. I think I would be still a zombie or even dead by now if it wasn't for the pack." I felt my cheeks burn up again. Discussing my feelings for Jake with his father hadn't been on my agenda for today. I served up the omelette with my eyes directed firmly to the floor.

As expected, a loud grumbling came from the living room and Jake's frame suddenly filled the kitchen doorway.

"G'Morning. Smells good." That was all Jake could muster before grabbing the plate I was putting down for him and proceeding to hoover up the food. I wondered if he even knew what he was eating. I picked at my own small portion but ended up giving most of it to Jacob.

Billy thanked me as I said my goodbyes. I seriously needed a shower before work, so I was in a rush to get home. Jake followed me to my truck, a sheepish grin plastered on his face.

"It was really good sleeping next to you last night, Bells." He murmured as he kissed me briefly, leaving me breathless as I started up the rusty old engine. My mind was in a blur as I pushed my truck home. Jake has stood watching me pull away from his house with a smug grin on his face. It was beyond me how he managed to make me feel like this, even after knowing him for so long.

It also hit me that Jake and I hadn't been on a proper date yet. I made a decision then. I would ask him. I wondered if that was okay. I rushed home quicker with anticipation. I ran in the house not bothering to say hello to Charlie as I bolted for the phone.

"Can't get enough of me Bells?" There was a smug element to that voice.

"Jake, we haven't been on a date…." I decided it was better to start early and get it over with. I felt his smile before he answered me.

"Of course… I have just the idea. Tomorrow night, at eight, meet me in the forest just beyond the north trail. There's a clearing you'll see it. Love you Bella, goodbye." Jake hung up the phone abruptly. I was excited even so for our first date.

That day and the next flew by in a haze of excitement. I was too distracted to even work properly; Anna had been begging me to tell her what was going on with me all day in work. I couldn't give in. If I told Anna, she would think us very weird to be going out so long without ever actually having 'gone out'. That would be an awkward conversation for sure.

"See you tomorrow…" Anna said suspiciously when I ran for my truck after closing up shop. I had a lot to do.

_His panic began now. How had he let this happen? He had been blind for too long. He could not go back to them, not now. The flames in his eyes were too obvious. He had betrayed everyone and they would know. She was gone now. Gone to kill his heart. Gone to tear away his last connection with humanity. He didn't deserve that connection but he desired it. He had to run now. Run like he never had before, he had to run faster than the wind._

My truck slid down what seemed like the endless journey home. My mind was racing – what would I wear? I never had been a girl for dressing up, but I guessed as Jakes date was in the forest, I wouldn't have to make too much of an effort. I ran to the front door, wondering about make-up. It was times like this I despised Renee for leaving Charlie. He could just about give as much advice as I could on this particular topic.

"Hey Kiddo. I ordered in a pizza, there's some left in the oven for you. How was work?"

"Thanks. Quiet." I simply answered as I huffed and puffed to run up those stairs. Charlie caught me just in time; he stood before the foot of the stairs, making his presence known. He was giving me the chief-of-police-stare. I didn't like it one bit.

"What's going on Bella?" He asked me, his eyes narrowing. I had to laugh – Charlie was totally clueless. I explained that I was going on a date, making him squirm. "…with Jake?" He added just as I finished. When I nodded his eyes twinkled. I was glad he liked Jacob. Well, Charlie loved Jacob.

I ran upstairs. I got undressed and into the shower – I figured this was an easy place to start. I let the hot water sear down my back, feeling myself get clean again. My pale skin turning red raw.

_Her feet opened up onto an endless world of possibility. Her senses would not he heightened as soon as she reached that canopy. She stopped to look around her. Her army was silent and still. She laughed to herself; knowing exactly what they were made to do. She knew her elevated knowledge on the beasts of this region had helped her in the end. But this was it. Today was the day._

My body shivered as my skin instantly cooled in the air outside of the shower. It wrapped the towel snugly around me. I wanted to wear something nice, but something I could be in the forest in. I had new hiking boots; there was a good start. I wandered back to my room distractedly. Drying off I pulled on some underwear. Then, a pair of jeans – my newest ones. Even if I wasn't going to dress up, I wasn't going to look scruffy in old clothes out there on a date. I had never thought about how I looked as I left house, it had never bothered me. I wasn't one of those girls who thought constantly about make-up and how they looked.

_It was his fault and he knew it. His head hung low on his shoulders as he slinked through the back-alleys of the city he had grown so accustomed to. He had to avoid the main ways now. He didn't look remotely human anymore. He needed help. He had to stop this. He could never ask them for help, could he? He looked at his reflection in a window as he passed. His eyes picked out every detail, every beautiful detail but also every single flaw in his mirrored frame. He had grown monster-like in the last few weeks. He was weak and lifeless. Even worse than when he had left his life alone without him. He hated himself – but he had to fix this. How could he help when he could not resist…?_

I knew I needed to call Renee as I stared at the little black pencil in my hand. I could never get this right. I dialled the number. I could hear Charlie downstairs opening a can of beer and relaxing into his favourite spot by the TV.

"Bella? Bella, is that you? I haven't heard from you in so long. You have a lot to tell me, yeah?" Renee might have been miles away, but she was a worse gossip than Charlie or Billy. I decided to ignore her questions for now, but I did assure her it was me.

"Mom, I need your help..." I started. I decided maybe I didn't need make-up. No, no. This was a date. I had to. "… with some… um, make-up?"

I heard Renee gasp comically before he started to rant on about make-up. Textures, colours, shading, coverage… This was too much for me. I had to stop her before she took it too far. I didn't need to know everything to just put on some liner, surely?

"Mom, calm. It's just I have a date with Jake and I wanted to look nice. I mean, I can't ask Charlie, now can i?" She chuckled lightly at my joke. Charlie was hopeless with girl's things. He practically died when he had decided to give me 'the sex talk' when I had been with Edward.

"Okay, honey. You shouldn't use blush because…" She trailed off into a slower and altogether more understandable lecture. I did my make-up while on the phone to her. Renee was good at this. I looked like a very glamorous woman when I finished up. I was glad that her erratic personality didn't rub off on her make-up advice.

I stood up after a long-winded goodbye to Renee. She had wanted to know all about Jake and me. I had told her all that I could manage without feeling embarrassed. I told her that Jake and I were serious, that we spent a lot of time together and that I loved all of his friends as well. She had gushed about how perfect it sounded. She had also told me that everyone had said we would be together when we were younger. We had played together a lot as children. I looked up and down my appearance.

I wanted to scrutinize it. I wanted to look especially good for Jake tonight. Jake deserved a little effort from me for a change. I did look okay. I certainly wasn't dressed extravagantly. I put on a shirt over my jeans and a jacket. My warmest jacket. Forks' weather was not to be underestimated. It hadn't rained yet today, but that was never a guarantee.

_Running. She ran like there was nothing else she wanted to do. This cleared her mind wonderfully. She didn't need it, her mind was on the right track and she knew it. But she allowed her intuition to take over as she needed to push herself harder. She had to get there in time. She needed this done as soon as she could. Her thoughts had already eaten through her. They bit and tore at her – making her need this even more. So she ran. She ran towards that pull he had tried to keep her from. He hadn't turned out to be with her at all. But she had fixed that. He wouldn't come here. He couldn't come here. Not now. Not now his eyes showed his hunger. That hunger that he had kept satiated for years like he was ashamed of it. Her army moaned behind her. They were not yet ready. They needed some nourishment. She saw just the opportunity ahead. She led them off track…_

After a quick goodbye to Charlie – and assuring I would be home tonight – I left. I was so enthusiastic. I wondered what Jake had in store for us. In the forest: it was such an unusual location for a date. My truck chugged a little as I raced to get there on time. I only had to drive to the other side of town, and then walk for a while.

I passed by the coffee shop. I smiled. I saw Anna sitting inside, with a small lamp; she looked like she was reading. I was so jealous of her living arrangements. She got to live over her shop, it was perfect for her. I loved working with her. She had helped me to become more outgoing with customers and also, lessened my clumsiness.

I parked the truck in the corner of the empty car park. I got out and walked towards the entrance to the forest.

_He rushed through the city. He needed to get to the airport. If he left now, he could make it. Or not. But all could do now was hope. He put on his disguise as he entered the large terminal. He would just have to demand the next flight to the closest point he could manage. The cell rang. The voice was anxious. It was screaming through the receiver at him. He knew how they were feeling. He wanted nothing more than to hand himself over to hell. He tuned into the thoughts all around him. Trying to tune out the torturous thoughts that consumed him was torture in itself. Every way he thought about it, it all pointed back to him. He was to blame. One moment of weakness and he had ruined it all. He had thought his ploys were not noticed by his nemesis. He had thought she trusted him. But she was more cunning than he gave her credit for. He had underestimated…_

Although I longed to go and see Jacob as quick as I could, I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. I put it down to my nerves, and the shock horror of going on a date in the forest. The trees surrounded me. They enclosed me in their strong boughs and shady canopies. This was my world. I breathed in the smells around me and was reminded of Jake. He was like my personal pine air-freshener. His smell was so calming, and he smelled just like the forest. I could hear every little thing that lived in the trees. Scuttling and scraping around here and there. The trees were so alive in the breezy evening. They danced and swayed. I didn't even feel the time go as I stood still a few steps onto the trail.

I knew this trail well. This was the trail that I had walked before with Edward. I was still enjoying the fact that I could think his name with very little discomfort now. He hadn't liked me to walk through the forest though; he always carried me. I wondered if Jacob would insist I be carried through the forest. I hoped not – I was starting to enjoy hiking more and more. The pack must have rubbed off on me.

_Satisfaction. They all felt it. All of those weak young ones. Not physically weak, but mentally. She knew they had no control over it, but she could not find it in herself not to hate them for it. They were essentially an army, but her army – her guard. She had to make sure she was getting away with the one she came for. She had left him for dead. She had forced him to feed. He had given in. Her innocent thoughts had taken him away. He was hers. But she did not know she was being betrayed. She knew only herself to be so cunning. Only she herself could have forged a plan so brilliant. Weeks and weeks of cryptic thoughts in his presence – had all paid off. She had made a flash decision to put off the other one. She knew everything would go her way. Her throat burned at the thought of her prey. She could get them both back now. He was tortured, and she would be dead. _

_Her control was so absolute that she conducted her army like a professional. All of these nomads who had been taken in as easily as the mind-reader. She laughed in her high-pitched electric voice. Her chuckles tinkled over towards the confused others around her. She did not care. She had them now, right where she wanted them. They were hers. And so was she…_

I kept on my walk through the narrow trail. It was empty tonight; which did not surprise me. It was a cold night. The air was so frosty I could see every breath I took. I concentrated on my breathing as it was getting harder to walk up this trail. She knew the place Jake had wanted meet. She had seen it only once before. It was a nice clearing, perfect for a picnic – but not in this cold. Anticipated as I was, I couldn't stop almost jogging as I tried to get to my personal heater as fast as I could.

_He knew the plane had to be moving slower than usual. It should only take about 4 hours in his private jet. He was lucky to have this now. He paced around the aisles – the crew watching him suspiciously. He didn't dare take a breath in. It was still too soon. He lamented his horrible decisions in the past weeks. He had been so heart broken, so vulnerable that anyone could have infiltrated his mind. His thoughts were barred and he was not focusing on others' as much as he had promised his sister. Another two hours to go… _

_He hoped he had left early enough…_

I came to the clearing just as the evening started to darken. I was still a bit early – like an hour early. I texted Jake. Just to tell him where I was. I assumed he would be around somewhere close-by.

The clearing was small and very shaded. The wind was almost cut off by the thick layer of trees surrounding it. The trail had ended just below the small beaten path to this lovely spot. It was a popular place for campers. In the centre of the grassy spot was a small pile of ash. I smiled as I kicked at it with my boots. I would love to be camping. I probably wouldn't need a fir e though. Even thinking about Jake had my cheeks heating up.

I thought about our kisses. And even though I didn't want to admit it; I thought about the electricity he caused to surge through my body. He made me feel so …carnal. It wasn't like me at all. But I did like it. I had never been made feel more like a woman in my life, it was a good change.

I realised that it was getting close to the time now. He should be here any minute. I was getting so anxious I thought I might faint for worry. But I hadn't worried in days, why start now?

_Close now. The scent overpowered her extreme senses. She knew she could smell it… Human. She wanted it. Her throat burned even worse at the thought of devouring it. But it was not the right one, just a passer-by. As they entered the woods, she knew her fate was only moments away…_

Jake still wasn't here; it was now just the time he had told me to be here by. If he knew me, he knew I'd be here right now. I relaxed slightly as I remembered he was not going to leave me here. He would come for me – no matter what. My shoulders slumped and I paced in circles around the clearing, the wind swooping down and whipping at my hair.

I tried to become relaxed with the forest. I started to move like the trees – I probably looked like a crazy person – but it worked to focus my energy on the trees. I wasn't worried about Jake anymore and so that made me pluck up enough courage to begin walking away from the clearing.

_Oh, the scent. Her scent so close now. Followed by the dog smell coming up behind them… but she knew her army was strong enough. She still thought there were only five wolves…_

_Her voice egged on the nomads. She strained to follow the scent right to the very spot. The ground blurred underneath her as she pushed herself ever onward._

I knew I had to get out of the forest soon, but I thought I would take a little hike. I was here now – there was nothing wrong with it. I continued on up a smaller trail, but it died out after a minute. I was still feeling het-up so I just kept walking. Walking was the only thing to make me feel safe now. I felt like none of my feelings could hurt me if I just kept on walking.

_Pushing, pushing ever closer. She yearned to feel the soft skin give away underneath her hands only. The scent was close enough now. She ordered the nomads to stop. They knew the plan. She did not have to give any other direction. Her mind reeled – they were about to do a huge favour to their race. And she was about to do one for herself…_

My walk was stopped abruptly when I heard growls and howls all around me; but not close enough. The worry came back to me and threatened to make me throw up, or worse, faint. I was always a bit uneasy when stressful situations arose – and I was on my own now. I tried to tune in and listen to the sounds of the forest again. It sounded as though the trees were crying along the wolves.

What had happened to the pack? I thought of every possibility. My mind raced. My head spun. I heard lots of noises. But none were the ones I wanted to hear.

_She saw the brunette standing alone crumpled against a tree. The forest had erupted and the human had lived up to her name and faltered. As she watched she admired that which would be gone from the face of the earth. She knew that family hadn't time to get here so soon. She could take her time. She could take her…_

The trees rustled all around me. I felt as though I was being watched. It was a horrible feeling. But I had to stick it out. I took a deep breath and started towards the trail again.

_Just one more step, little Bella…_

My breath was jagged and rough. Oh where was he?

_Closer…_

My world had ended. How had this happened? I was trapped in an icy cage. No release at all. Wolves howled even closer. They were coming for me, I thought. They would take me out of this bear trap. My head reeled again. I slumped.

_Yes, she could take her time with this one. It had only just begun. This war._


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 – Take me Away**

I was dead. I had to be. If this wasn't death, I would welcome it with open arms. I couldn't move. Not even my eyelids could lift. Every single muscle on my body ached. Try as I might I couldn't even tune in to the sounds around me. I couldn't smell. I was totally consumed by the agony overtaking my body. The icy cold that surrounded me didn't help.

I tried to remember what happened. Jake hadn't turned up for our date. I had been in the forest. I had been about to return to my truck when the strong arms had encased me. Then I had fainted. But I still smelled the forest when I awoke again. A high pitched laugh in my ears as the forest rushed past me – the branches swaying alarmingly at the speed with which my captor and I zipped through them. Then I had fainted again, hearing the wolves' cries around me, but never close enough.

So here I was. The blackness was consuming me as I couldn't even open my sore eyes. I knew my captor. I was able to engage my senses enough to know that laugh anywhere - that cruel laugh. She had come – Victoria. It had to be. I couldn't get my thoughts past anymore though when I heard again the echo of the screeching howls of the wolves.

Jake?

I hoped my thoughts were so focused on him that he knew I was here, waiting. Alone. She hadn't come back to me yet. I was grateful. I knew she planned to torture me. I knew she wanted me dead. My only hope was for the wolves to be okay. For them to come save me. That was asking a lot of them but I needed this. I didn't want to die. I had just realised I had so much to live for. I had so many dreams that weren't fulfilled yet. I wanted to graduate from school. I wanted to go to college. I even wanted to be married someday. I felt tears building behind my blind eyes as I thought about these things – these things that hadn't meant so much to me not so long ago.

The wetness helped my sore eyes. I tried opening them again. A slither of light pierced through my lashes as the tears ran free. It was dark enough here. But where was here? The light seemed to be the moon, glaring through a window at me. A large window. As I opened my eyes further, I saw the large window I hadn't been really expecting but it made sense. This was the Cullen's house. I felt safe.

No. That feeling evaporated when I realised the Cullens weren't here. They were away. The only one here was me and…

My other senses tuned in as I began to panic. I heard the wolves still howling out in the forest surrounding the house. I strained my eyes to adjust to the lighting – I had to see if I could see any of them. Maybe I could signal – or was that too risky? My shallow breathing turned forced and heavy. I heard more cries, but they were screams. There had to be a fight going on. I needed to know if they were all okay. Who were they fighting though? I tried to move off of the floor in the magnificent room.

My stiff limbs protested horribly; shaking and jerking when I pushed myself off of the floor. My head was spinning. I made for the door. At least I knew my way around here. I tried to listen at the door. If she was here too, I would never get out. I heard nothing. I ran outside the room and galloped down the stairs – thankfully not falling in my haste. I reached the kitchen which led to the back of the house. The door was already open. The light breeze of the cold night washed over me. It was almost as cold as the arms that had bruised me earlier. I didn't even get to look yet – to see if I looked as bad as I felt.

The noises hadn't been coming from the surrounds of the house anyway. I was a little relieved. I was a coward right now and I wanted to hear the battle before I saw it. I was extremely lucky so far to get away from that house where I had been left.

"NO!" I heard that high-pitched voice screaming, getting closer to me as she drew out the word. I turned but I soon heard growls coming after her. I didn't dare look. I waited to feel that icy grip again. I was paralysed on the spot. I was almost as frozen as she.

It was not the icy grip capturing me this time – I felt a heavy blow to my abdomen as I was pushed to the ground by a something furry and warm. I hoped it might be Jake. But it wasn't. It was a grey wolf – Paul. Paul snarled at me while he raced back to stop Victoria coming any closer to me. I was so scared. I couldn't let him die for me. She was too strong for him.

"Stop, Paul, please?" I begged but he took no notice. The wolf and the vampire were sizing each other up. Both angry beyond reckoning and both willing to fight the other. I fell to my knees again, shaking with fear. There was no place for me to hide from all of this. I would just have to do all I could to help. Which I had to admit was not much. I thought of Jake, where was he, and how did he expect Paul to save me alone?

"Come on, dog. The freaks aren't coming to help. Just you and me. They may have killed the nomads but not me. I want her so I won't leave until she is dead or worse." Victoria sounded venomous. Her voice wafted through the air so daintily yet her words cut like a sharpened knife. Who was killed? Who wasn't coming? I was angry with myself for being out cold through all of this.

Paul snarled again, but this time at Victoria. The red head leapt forward but he blocked her, throwing her body back up against a tree. There was a cracking sound, a horrible crunching noise like marble breaking. Paul leapt back to fix himself in front of me again. When the vampire saw he was protecting me again her eyes lit up. She looked impressive in the light of the moon, her pale face glinting beautifully as she looked around her.

I could still hear lots of howls and screams from the direction of the forest. I wanted to get there, but I had to stay for Paul's sake. Or maybe I had been doing worse by staying here. I wasn't sure anymore I couldn't think straight…

Another flash of colour around me and I realised there was a fight before me. Flashes of red and grey filled my line of vision as the wolf and the vampire fought so viciously that I couldn't even see it. I didn't know who had the upper-hand… or who was failing. I didn't like this. I listened intently as I kneeled on the hard ground, frozen. I heard growls and jeering. This wasn't too bad. There were no whimpers from Paul, so he was doing okay.

"Ah, you stupid mutt. Look what you've done? I will kill you too!" Her voice scared me so badly. I jumped and strained my eyes to make head or tail from the blur. But I couldn't. Some rocks flew towards me. Nice little white pebbles.

No. no. no. Those weren't rocks, or pebbles. Those were fingers. Victoria's marble fingers. Paul had torn them off. She had to be furious now. Oh, just let this be over now, I strained to think that over and over again in my head.

More echoing cracks and growls issued from the source of the fight. Many more 'pebbles' came flying out. But there was also an increased amount of whining from Paul. I watched in horror as he was suddenly lifted in the air. The wolf writhing and squirming against her crushing hands. She flung the huge animal across the clearing behind the house. The limp form landed with a thud beside a large rock near the trees. It let out a low but loud moan, signalling his brothers.

I felt the icy grip again. She had me now. I had forgotten what was at stake here I had been so caught up in Paul. Paul, I wished he was okay. He looked alive if anything, but only just so. The wolf's from was shaking and twitching. I assumed he would change back soon if he knocked himself out with all of that movement.

The pain that had left me on my joy of escaping had come back. The bruises that I was sure were there seemed to deepen and multiply as the furious vampire kept me held. I heard the pounding of feet – or paws? – against the earth. They were coming for me. I had to stop them before it was too late, I didn't want to be responsible for another injured wolf.

"Ha! More dogs for me to maim… You're duller than I thought…" Victoria laughed dangerously again. I was unsure of myself now so I stared at the ground instead of looking at the pack. I was so ashamed. This was my entire fault. They should just let me go – tell her to take me. I deserved this. I had dragged her here in the first place.

The wolves were growling and I could hear the impatience in their tones. It didn't sound like too many of them. I hoped someone had gone look after Paul. I couldn't watch. I didn't want to see Jake's eyes as I asked for this…

"Please, please. Just take me please. I don't care just don't hurt them, please." I begged for mercy. Quietly, so that the wolves might not hear over their own groans. The tinkling laugh filled my ears again. A cold finger pressed hard into my cheek. I felt searing burning pain as the nail drew blood. She dragged her finger down my face, but before she finished a wolf had leapt at us from either side. One pushed me away and onto the ground again – standing over me protectively. I think it was Embry. I couldn't tell from this angle. Sam's wolf was fighting Victoria now.

I didn't watch the fight. I couldn't. I tried to still the blood pouring from the gash in my cheek. I looked and noticed my arms were bleeding as well. So that had been the pains. There was blood running all over me. Fainting now explained; I felt a bit more relaxed – considering the circumstances. I knew victoria hadn't drunk from me; I had felt that before. She was telling the truth. She wanted to torture me.

Embry's wolf pushed me backward again from the fight. The other wolves were standing by watching. I heard moans from across the field. Paul was still awake. I couldn't see Jacob. I worried again. A dizzy spell washed over me making me waver on the ground; I was too weak for this.

I tried to keep up with the fight but it was too complicated. Victoria was working with the hand she had cut me with, the other long gone. But she was being overtaken by Sam. He ripped again and again at her other limbs mercilessly. Tearing chunks from her rock hard frame. She looked demented. Haunted. I was so afraid – even in the presence of the pack. but that all changed quickly…

Two more ghostly figures burst from the trees. One running and one skipping towards us. I knew that tiny girl. Alice. My heart seized up inside of me. I had missed Alice so much; now here she was, coming to save me. I looked at the taller figure and my stomach lurched this time. Edward. What was he doing here? I tried to turn away but they were already beside me. both of their noses crinkled up with the combined smell of me and the wolves. I searched the two of them, my eyes hungrily devouring their perfect gait.

Alice was the same as she used to be; but with slight dark circles under her eyes. I guessed she had been trying to predict this all day long. Or had been tortured with visions of what will happen further into the night. Edward. Once I looked I couldn't stop looking. His perfect tall hard marble body. His strong shoulders. Every part of him called out to me. I wanted to look in his eyes but I was afraid. His eyes had always sucked me in before; always kept me captive. But I dared to look. I hadn't been able to in so long.

Red. Fire. That was all I saw in his eyes. his eyes weren't the beautiful topaz I remembered them as. He turned towards me when I gasped. His beautiful eyes were ruined. He had drunk human blood. How could he? Is that why he had left? No. I assured myself that he had left for me. for my safety. Oh my god. No. even still – not for that reason. The sorrow in his eyes behind the red irises made me see he did not want this. He reached a hand out towards me. A snarl issued abruptly from Embry.

"Love, I am so sorry. I know what this looks like… What I look like…" He said in that perfect voice. I was weak again just looking and listening to him. I had always been taken in by this perfection. Alice chirped up then and pulled him away by the arm. She was muttering silently to Edward. The two of the headed for the fight which had almost reached the cover of the trees now.

I looked around again, searching for Jake. But he was not here. Maybe he didn't want to save me. maybe he was afraid. Like I was. I wouldn't blame him. Maybe he didn't love me the way I thought. Maybe I was supposed to be with Edward.

I had to stop myself thinking those things. I knew deep down that Jacob did love me and there was a good explanation for him not being here.

There were screams as Paul's body changed back to human form. Quil appeared naked from behind him and I tried not to look. He was dragging him away from further harm. Paul was screeching just as he had done in his wolf form. this was all my fault. Quil's face was covered with frustration and worry lines. He looked so much older than he should. And I was worried for my friend Paul too. He had tried to save me. he had really tried. I knew he would eat himself up about not being able to stop Victoria but that could be helped.

I turned my attention back to the pack, still surrounding the fight. I saw Jared, Brady, Colin and Seth. And one other. I didn't know that wolf; it was smaller than the rest and a very light silvery grey. It was growling and snarling and frothing at the mouth, looking very much the temperamental pack member. Sam was still fighting for his life. But Alice was joining him now. Edward stood back a little, crouched down. He was reading her thoughts I bet. He really did know how to fight – he knew everyone's moves before his own. Alice was jumping and zipping around Victoria and Sam, helping out significantly. More cracks and crunches reverberated into the night air. I knew she was all but finished.

Edward joined in. He moved so swiftly. I could barely even see his hands as they crushed Victoria between them. Sam and Alice stepped away. Edward looked fearsome. His eyes burned into Victoria's fearful ones. The intimidation pouring from him was enough to make me question how I had ever stayed near him for so long. I should have been terrified. I cowered behind Embry again. I wished someone could put their warm arms around me, but the only beings here with arms were cold as ice. I shivered as I heard another crunch. A screech echoed into the night air. The wolves were still circling round and round the two vampires fighting but one was sorely losing out. Sam stood his ground behind Edward. How he kept his eyes focused on Victoria was beyond me.

I couldn't bear to watch any longer. It was torture to watch them all willing to put their lives on the line for me. another scream cut into the night around me. I dropped to my knees again, a slight moan issuing from Embry. His wet warm nose prodded at my chest, trying to bring me back to earth. I couldn't focus. I blocked my ears and lay down and cried.

I cried for everything. I let it all out. I cried for Edward who was obviously not what I thought. I cried for my absent boyfriend. I cried for Alice who hadn't wanted to see me until now. I cried for how I brought Victoria here. I cried for Paul. Everything that had happened on this horrible night was racked out of my body through sobs and whines. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I couldn't hear what was going on around me. I closed my eyes – scrunched them up tight. I wanted this to be a horrible nightmare.

At least then I wouldn't wake up to this.

When I felt warm hands pull me from the freezing ground, my heart skipped a beat. Jake, Jake, Jake; was all that ran through my mind. But his smell wasn't there. It was Embry. Back to himself again, he pulled me into him and hugged me. This comfort stopped the tears I hadn't realised were still flowing. Embry soaked all of my insecurities up and replaced them with a comfortable warmth.

I looked over his shoulder at the scene around me. Sam's wolf was staring down the line of wolves left after the fight. Colin, Brady, Seth and the stranger; I wondered who it was. That was wiped from my mind when I saw that the vampires were all gone. The wolves ran off as Sam changed back to himself. He walked over to us, me averting my eyes as usual. It was then I realised Embry wasn't clothed either. his warmth was too nice to tear myself away from so I just overcame that discomfort.

"Bella, she is gone. Edward and Alice are helping the pack …clear up. I'm sorry. It came on us unannounced. And at a bad time. Leah had just… I shouldn't even be telling you this. Go get some rest." He expected me to go home? I was shocked. I clung to Embry still. Not willing to let go. I didn't care about Leah Clearwater right now; I needed Jake.

"Sam, Sam, please? Where's Jake? I want to see if Paul is okay… Please Sam let me come with you all…" I begged him. I really needed to make sure everything was alright. I had to have at least that comfort that I wasn't being blamed. And I needed to know where Jacob was. My Jacob.

Sam ignored me but still beckoned me to come with them. He gave a defeated nod to Embry who picked me up – after putting on some sweats – and carried me off through the trees. A pungent smell filled my nostrils. It wasn't the forest as I knew it. It was something terrible. I smelled like something was burning. The guys ignored my curious face too. I decided not to ask.

When we arrived at Sam and Emily's place, Emily was waiting by the front screen door. Her features softened automatically when she saw Sam. As we entered the house we heard cries and profanities curdling through the bright kitchen. Paul.

I rushed through the house to get to him. I didn't care that they were telling me no. Paul and I were friends. Better than any of them knew. It wasn't just for my self-satisfaction that I needed to see him. It was for him – if he wasn't okay I didn't know what I would do.

"GET OUT! Get her out! Go away!" Paul tried to stop me seeing him. He was being held down by three of the pack. Colin and Brady instantly let him go and tried to usher me away from the room. But I slipped past them both. Quil caught me by the arm, it hurt quite a bit. I had forgotten about my own injuries. I didn't care anyway. I would deal with it so long as Paul was alright. If he had gotten hurt protecting me…

His face was pale and gaunt. He was jerking and twitching fiercely on the small bed. There was blood running down the right side of his body. The smell of it reached my nose and I wanted to vomit. I swallowed trying to keep the gag reflex at bay. Paul seemed to be trying not to yell as Quil washed him down. My mouth formed a little 'o' while watching. When the blood was nearly cleaned away, it was clear that Paul had gotten some terrible gashes during the fight. The cuts were deep and considering how fast werewolves healed – it didn't bear thinking about what they had been like.

"Oh, Paul. I'm so sorry. This is all of my fault. You shouldn't have. If you just let her take me… everything would be okay here…" I began to mumble. Paul spat on the floor – more blood. He raised his chin in the air as he drew in a deep breath.

"Bella – go away. Stop playing the guilty party. It's our duty to protect you from leeches. So just leave and get yourself cleaned up. I'll be fine in another hour or so… I'm sure you have bigger problems right now than my minor injuries." The sarcasm was enough for me.

I burst straight out of the room covering my face. I crumpled in the hallway. I could hear Quil and the others telling Paul he was too harsh with me, too cruel. But he wasn't. I did have bigger problems. Where was my boyfriend? And when would I have to face my ex?

Just as that thought occurred I knew what I had to do now…

But it could wait.

As I walked to the kitchen I heard Sam talking to Seth, Embry and Jared.

"…Well, the small one said once the red head was gone, we would be free for a while. The Cullens won't stay unless Bella chooses them to. I had to keep Jake on the Rez tonight so he wouldn't see them. I know there's a lot more to his hatred than just pure instinct. The only thing is none of us can be sure what she'll do. The pixie is still not telling us. But she did say things could get a lot worse if Edward is found out …But I'm not sure what that means."

"Man, Sam… Jake cooped up at home and you let Leah out on her first night. She won't phase back for a week after that. She's gone running now… I better go check on her…"

When Seth left, I felt safe to enter. All eyes bore into me as I entered. But just as I caught their discouraging stares, Emily whipped me away to clean me up. I looked back at Sam and I knew he knew that I had heard everything. It couldn't be helped. Now I knew why Jake wasn't here for me. He had been ordered. Sam wanted me to make a decision. This did all rest on my shoulders.

That great weight settled in as Emily planted me on the couch. She was muttering about Billy and Charlie and other things I didn't care about right now. All I could feel was that numb setting in all over my body. I could feel the pain of my open wounds but I could not feel anything beyond that. I just sat there as Emily checked and cleaned me up. It hurt like hell but I just endured. I couldn't bring myself to cry. She had to put gauze on my cheek – that wound was deep.

"It'll heal Bella. Don't look so forlorn. It's going to be okay. Everything will be back to normal in a few days, you'll see. Come on. Say something Bella. Don't black out, please… SAM!"

I felt myself falling before I knew it in my mind. I couldn't explain it. Emily just got farther and farther away. My upper body strength holding me to the chair gave away. My head hit my knees and I lolled off the side of the couch. I felt the bang as I hit the stone floor but it was only then I knew I was gone…

This was what I needed. I needed to get away. I needed to feel nothing – not the numb feeling again – but really nothing. I felt myself laughing as my final bit of sanity and energy gave in and succumbed to the blackness around me.

I didn't want to wake up.

* * *

_**A/N - I hope you all liked it. It was hard to write... Please Review and let me know.**_

_**Thanks for reading anyway, keep on reading, this is not the end! :)**_


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 – Certainty**

Nothing lasts forever. Nothing. And I certainly never get my own way. As much as I wished I could stay in this black hole – not thinking – I couldn't. I had to come too soon. But I stayed for as long as I could force my mind to be blank. I needed to sort my thoughts out…

The wolves expected me to make a decision about Jacob and Edward. I had already made that decision. A long time ago and I couldn't believe none of them had seen it yet. Jake was mine now; I wouldn't let him go. Edward had left me and the scars still opened up fresh when I saw him. He had done damage to me in ways I didn't like to think about. I could never go back to him. Jacob was my sun, he was my air. Without him I would still be pining for Edward; who couldn't even love me the way I needed him to. I only had one problem with Sam's demands. I could not send the Cullens away. That shouldn't be my decision. That wasn't fair. I would never get my own way if I told them I wanted at least Alice to stay and be my friend.

I knew I had a lot of grovelling to do with Jake. I didn't do anything to justify his coldness – that I expected – but ii knew he was insecure about Edward. He always thought I would rush back to the Cullens if I could. But he was wrong. I needed to reassure him that he was the one who owned my heart. That I could never love anyone more than I loved him right now. I loved everything about him. His warmth, his beautiful eyes, his broad shoulders, his dark russet skin, his whole personality, that way he picks me up and makes me feel like the only person in the world.

What overwhelmed me the most was Victoria. She had come. I knew she would but I didn't realise I was in such danger of being taken. I wondered if it had been chance that she found me in the forest. How long had the wolves been chasing her for? I had to thank them all somehow.

I opened my eyes. I was alone. I stood up in the small room at Emily's. There was a mirror, so I figured I'd do some damage checking. Even I gasped when I saw my reflection. My top and jeans were ripped, but they had not been peeled off of my sore skin yet. Through the holes in my clothes, I could see the rips and gashes in my skin all over. All of there were a very dark red colour and the skin around them was pink. Deep cuts. Everywhere was red from where Emily had tried to clean me off. My face was covered halfway with gauze. Underneath blood still seeped lazily from the hole in my cheek. That needed stitches. Or a tighter gauze. I pulled off the bandages. My rest of me was dirty, covered in mud and dust. I was a mess. I tried to wipe down my jeans and top with my hands but no matter how much I scrabbled at them; it didn't do very much.

"Sorry Bella"

Paul. I hadn't even heard him come in. I felt tears prickle the corners of my eyes but I did not let them fall. Paul was limping slightly. I hadn't figured he would have had injuries that weren't visible. He was still pale but the cuts down his right side were faded and looked like scars now. How I wanted to be a werewolf – just for their ability to heal.

When I didn't answer, he continued.

"I know I shouldn't have been like that with you last night. I was just angry that I couldn't beat her. Well, I don't feel so bad hearing even Sam had some trouble… But I am sorry. Still friends?" Paul's expression changed so much during his statements that it was almost comical.

"Yeah, Paul. It's fine. I know I was just a bit all over the place. Sometimes I can't keep up, you know?" I replied with a tentative tone. He nodded and came over to give me a hug.

I felt myself being guarded by the warmth of his arms – just like yesterday with Embry. I still wished it was Jake but Paul was comforting enough for me. I let myself relax into his arms and run my own up his back.

"Thanks Paul…" I whispered to him. My voice had left me. If I opened my mouth or my eyes I knew I would break down. The tears were waiting but I refused to let them get the better of me. Paul gently patted my shoulders with is warm hands. He sighed heavily and told me to come to the kitchen for food. Trust one of the packs to leave in a flash when they smelled food.

Not caring about my appearance anymore I walked down to the kitchen. Emily rushed over to me and placed a bundle of clothes in my arms. She told me to go change before breakfast. So I went. She had given me a baggy t-shirt and some sweats. Perfect. Emily always got it right. When I got back she frowned at my face.

"I'm going to have to wrap that again. You think you can do it without fainting?" I laughed along with her as she went to find her first aid kit. She had to have lots of first aid around for the guys when they went on a hunt for vampires. After I ate one of her huge muffins – delicious – she dragged me to the living room and started to clean out my cut again.

"Bella …don't choose wrong. I would miss having you around and so would all of the guys. Please take the time to think about this. You would lose so much going the other way. Don't do it even if just to avoid being hurt. Jake really does love you, he would never hurt you. He wants to protect you forever. If his heart is broken again I don't know what he'll do."

Emily was muttering all of this underneath her breath as she dressed my cut a bit tighter. I almost laughed at her. They were all so afraid I would go straight back to Edward. I couldn't believe it.

"Jake is mine, Emily. Don't insult my relationship like that." I giggled at her face. She looked so shocked, which should have offended me but it didn't. I was secure here.

Sam came in and told me I had a meeting to go to. He told me not to worry about Charlie; that he went away with Billy. Jake sent them to keep them out of the way. At least I didn't have to explain my cuts yet. Or my absence. I wondered about this meeting though.

"The Cullens have arrived. They are at their house, but I'm sending someone with you. To keep a watch, and let us know what's going on…" He looked uneasy. Paul came in as if he had heard that I needed a companion. I did need him to be there for me. No matter what way I looked at it, if I was to keep my friends happy, I had to take one of them with me. At least this way they would know who I chose.

"Come on then, Bella. Let's do this. Let them down gently for me will you?" Paul sniggered, back to his sarcastic self again. He caught my hand in his large one and dragged me out the door towards the forest. "You better be letting them down…" He murmured threateningly at me. This boy was so volatile.

The problem was I didn't know if I could let them down. I didn't know if I had it in me to lose them again when I had them so close. I didn't want the pain back again. It had hurt too much last time; how could I do it again? I knew I didn't want to be dependent on them anymore. I wasn't going to give up my life for them. I wasn't going to put myself in this position again, with vampires chasing me down for revenge against one of them.

But I couldn't be numb again. I had worked so hard at getting back to normal. Jake had worked hard at getting me back to normal. I knew it would break his heart if I allowed them back into my life. Not now, when I had everything. I had a job – that I loved – and friends that I needed to call immediately now that I thought about it. I had it all. My father was proud of me for getting over my depression so quickly too. It would all be for nothing.

The momentous decision came all too quickly though. The beautifully structured house loomed up ahead of me and Paul. Paul stiffened; I hoped he could keep his temper under wraps. The rain started to fall so our option was entering the house. Alice appeared looking glum. Her tiny features were pinched into an unforgiving expression on her beautiful face.

"Dog stays out. Uh, okay come in but I can't see anything with you around…" Alice changed her tack when Paul let out a low growl.

I rushed towards Alice. She hugged me, but I didn't like her icy grip anymore. There was no comfort to be gotten from it. I had spent so long tied up in the wolves' warm arms and Emily's cosy home that it didn't sit well with me. I let go fumbling a little.

"Come on, everyone is waiting." She whispered. Paul followed along behind us tentatively as she marched me into the living room.

What was once a stunning room, was now nothing. The Cullens were the only masterpieces left on display. Victoria had done her worse to this house it seemed. All of them watched me. I only had eyes for one though. Edward. The cracks in my chest burst open. I thought these feelings had long gone.

Before I could think any more Esme hugged me like a mother, like she had always done. Carlisle nodded at Paul where he stood at the door, and then walked towards me.

"Bella. It's been too long. But before anything let me look at your injuries…" with that I was again dragged to another room. Paul came too. He was very protective today – it was as if he was expecting something. We entered Carlisle makeshift office under the stairs. This room had not been touched. It was the same as the night Jasper had brought me here to talk. Carlisle sat me down upon a hard chair under the lamp.

He pulled off the gauze on my face and let out a sigh.

"You always did find yourself in trouble when you didn't even ask for it. I'll have to stitch this. Like your arm. But it will heal with time. Think of something to tell Charlie while I work." Carlisle was so patient with me. I hadn't said a word since I entered the house and they treated me as if nothing was different. But the doctor was not intent on letting me think.

"Bella, you have some things to think about, I know. But I hope you know that whatever your decision, its fine by me. I want you to have a life but if you chose to stay with us, you will be welcomed into our family as one of us." He continued even when I gasped. I didn't want to be a vampire anymore; he had to know that. "You are so indecisive. Alice can either see nothing or she can see you run with us, and keep up. You are either a black hole or you are getting married to Edward… But that would take some time. I have never been so disappointed in him…" Paul growled again. I could see his form shaking in my peripheral vision. I raised my hand to him and he calmed watching my 'okay' gesture.

"But you need to know what life would be like. It could be great, yes. But not everything is so simple. It is hard to transform and it is a never-ending struggle to keep oneself at bay for the first few months. It can even take years before you are yourself again. You could then on the other hand live a normal life – be happy. You could do normal things. But there are risks. Not as many, I daresay. So you see Bella, I am on your side. Unlike some of the others, I want you to choose and choose for you and not anyone else."

Carlisle's words hit home. He wasn't trying to persuade me either way – he was being a neutral ground. He was being reasonable. It meant so much to me. I patted his shoulder when he finished my face up and put some fresh gauze on me. I tried to convey how much he had calmed me with his little talk.

"Sorry. I don't want to have to… I never wanted…" I couldn't form a sentence. I was overwhelmed. This was happening a lot lately.

Paul followed us back into the living room. Everyone hushed as we came in. I knew what I had to do… I decided.

"NO! Bella how could you? After all we've done." Alice had seen. Rosalie, Esme and Emmett all ticked at her with their teeth. But she threw her hands up in the air and ran from the room. I had never seen Alice to be like this before. I didn't like it one bit.

I looked around at the rest of them. Rosalie and Emmett were holding hands in the corner, both smiling gently at me. Esme was walking towards Carlisle and she looked very peaceful. Carlisle, himself, was nodding at me continuously. Jasper was worriedly stirring from foot to foot. It was unusual to see a vampire fidgeting. I opened my mouth to say something but he hushed me, smiled assuredly to me, and then sped out after Alice.

My eyes finally rested on Edward. He looked tortured. Not one of the other Cullen's looked at him. His red tinged eyes rested on the floor. I felt like sinking towards him and soaking all of him up. No. I couldn't do that. I had made up my mind.

I wanted to live.

"Please… Forgive me." Edward's perfect voice wafted towards my ears. It seemed to dance around the room; it made my heart crack into pieces. I didn't need this. I just wanted to say my bit and be gone. I didn't want to open those wounds again. I really truly didn't. But he seemed intent on opening them. As he spoke Paul growled softly behind me, still standing to attention at the door.

"Bella, I didn't want to turn into this monster… please. Even they" He gestured around the room, "don't want me here but I had to come. Just say we can keep in touch. I have never loved anyone more with all of my heart. Look at us. It didn't have to be like this."

As he spoke softly with his voice tinged with pain, I glowered more and more. I didn't understand what he was saying. He was speaking nonsense. He had done all of this. It was his fault. Yes, maybe it was my fault for getting in so deep with him – being so dependent on him – but this was certainly not my doing. He angered me so much. I didn't open my mouth but just looked around at everyone else again. They were all avoiding my gaze.

"Come on, let's talk. Alone?" He was pleading with me now. I was not going anywhere alone with him now. Paul sighed as if he expected this. I more than ever wanted his temper to kick in and demand I return to La Push. But it seemed I had no choice.

Edward picked me up in his cold arms and whizzed us both out to the trees surrounding his house. I definitely didn't want to be here. Memories came floating back to me from the other night. Paul had phased to his wolf form to keep up with us. He was wretched. I could tell. His wolf was frothing at the mouth and growling openly at Edward. I silently urged him to bring me home. He didn't even look at me.

"I've been horrible Bella, love. I never wanted this for us. I left to protect you – it was for the best. I know what I said inside, but I have no other reason for my own actions. I got dragged into her world. I was weak. Weak from hearing about you and the dog. I have no excuses, only regrets."

I didn't know what to say. He had me feeling sorry for him now. I was torn. Not between two loves anymore – but between the friends I had to lose and the ones I needed to keep. I don't think it would work either way for me. I would be selfish if I saw fit.

"We can keep in touch… I mean it's not like you guys won't be somewhere nearby?" I questioned more than stated. I didn't know what else to say. Paul growled again. I figured I was pushing this now.

"I don't think that would work, and neither does your friend here."

Oh, no. I had forgotten he knew what Paul was thinking. I prayed inside that Paul didn't think about me and Jake – or my raging hormones when that was a problem. Edward grimaced a little so I guessed Paul was threatening him in his thoughts.

"Anyway, love, it's either me or_ him_. Your choice."

Why did he have to say that? Alice had just seen my future go black, I assumed. He could see it in her mind. And yet he still asked me. He was persecuting me.

"Edward I think we both know the answer to that… it once would have been different but I'm in a different place in my life now. I'm happy. Happier than I've ever been. Well, before last night anyway. I'm certain."

I knew I was hurting him now. I knew how he felt. This was what he had done to me. He had told me that his life needed to be away from mine. Now he had gotten his wish.

"I don't know what you're thinking so I can't be certain, Bella. I have to try. I have to fight. I have to live the rest of eternity with the knowledge that I ruined everything. I was weak and useless and I helped nobody. I hurt everyone I loved, and do love. That pain will stay with me always." His pained eyes took me in and my certainty suddenly changed…

I knew that I loved Edward too much before to be able to hurt him like this. I wasn't strong enough for this.

I leaned in to hug him. Just to hug him. I wanted to offer him at least some comfort. I was disgusted by his irises but he still held a place in my scarred heart. I couldn't just let that drop. No matter how much love had filled it since. I wished it were Alice, she had been so angry with me. I forgot everything in that moment and tried my best to catch onto Edward.

The second it took me to step forward was the longest increment of time I had ever lived through. My body couldn't seem to move fast enough. I just wanted to hug him, as a friend. I didn't want to be mad with him or for him to be sad about all of this. It was meant to be and we weren't.

But just as I latched my arms around him I felt his cool lips. His cool lips trailed down my cheeks where tears were falling endlessly. I hadn't realised I was crying again. How could I cry so much in a day and night? But his cool lips brought it all back.

They opened up every cracked furnace in my chest and all of the pain burned me again. It all came back. I couldn't focus enough to rid myself of it. His lips had me in frenzy. I didn't know where to look or what to do.

But the cold, the cold was too much for me. I needed the heat.

I needed my Jake.

But why then was I kissing him back? Why was I allowing myself to be drawn in again? I was so dense. I couldn't stop myself. I just let it all go. I kissed his cheeks and perfectly sculpted jawline continuously. His cool lips retaliating with freezing pinches to my own face.

It was just then that I remembered Paul.

With a look of horror I turned away from Edward. He was staring at us. His breathing was shallow, he looked like he was in pain. He was shaking from paw to ears. His eyes looked sorrowful. He turned and ran.

Just as he left I heard a mind-numbingly awful roar coming from somewhere deep in the forest. The roar was full of misery. It was as if someone was being burned at the stake alive in there.

My Jake.

I knew it.

Now it was my turn to pelt into the forest as fast as I could go.

* * *

_**A/N - I know some of you may not have liked it. It had to be done, it's for progression! Things can only get better now anyway, can't they?**_

_**And come on and review!**_


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 – Stuck**

My world was ending.

Why did everything I did turn out in disaster?

Was I not meant to be happy?

For those few weeks of happiness with Jake, I paid dearly in the last hour. I ran through the forest. Edward didn't come after me and I was glad. I didn't understand this affect he had on me. He could make me do anything. He made me move in ways no other had made me – but it wasn't good for me. I needed Jake. I had to find him.

I could hear heavy footfalls behind me while I ran. I knew I wasn't fast enough to get away from anything that could be after me but running like this eased the pain. I had to concentrate on my feet and not the spinning thoughts in my head. The padding of feet behind me became louder and louder.

I kept running.

I knew I couldn't run away, I would have to turn back soon, but I couldn't stop either.

My clumsy self hadn't even come into the picture yet. My feet still went one after another pounding into the earth; no sense of direction yet no waver either. It was getting hard to keep my breath in check, the air burned in my nose and mouth. All I could hear in my ears was that miserable howl that had pierced the air when he had seen it.

How had I been do dim? That stupid lack of sense when I was around Edward was enough now to make me regret ever loving him. I knew I could never heal properly after the love we had shared. But I knew it wasn't good for me. Nobody should be so engrossed in love that it hindered their ability to think. That especially wasn't for me. Not now, not ever. Edward could do whatever he wanted with his life and I hoped that involved letting me go.

Strong arms caught me around my waist and pulled me to the ground. I just stayed still in them, letting the warmth overtake me. I tried to push all of my problems from my mind into that warmth. It wasn't that easy though.

"Bella, you idiot. Come on, let's go." It was Quil. The most insensitive person to come find me – he was not what I needed right now. We walked in silence for what felt like miles. I was grateful for him not calling me any more than idiot. We came to La Push and headed for Sam and Emily's place. I was a little afraid to go there if the whole pack was there. I didn't want to know what they thought of me right now.

As we entered the house I hesitated at the door. It was silent. A lone figure was sitting at the kitchen table. Emily. They wanted her to tell me what they thought. Maybe they were all too mad at me to be in the same room. Quil left with no salute at all. I was in serious trouble.

"Sit down, Bella. I won't bite." Emily's voice was timid and it made me want to explain to her everything. She didn't think I had to though; she spoke immediately as I sat down. Reprimanding me.

"Bella. What the hell? No, no. We all warned him about this when that first vampire came around. We knew the rest would follow. We knew it. Bella, please, tell me you're not going back to them. Tell me. I mean it; if you are there is nothing you can say to fix this. They are natural enemies and for you to leave Jacob for him is the most unforgivable act…"

Her voice was strained with anger. It pinched at me and made me wince. It gave me prickles down my spine. There was nothing I could say now. I just had to wait it out. Surely, they would see with time that I wasn't going back to the Cullens. My insides squirmed as the silence after Emily's short lecture fizzled around us. The empty kitchen had never seemed so cold.

"Emily. I don't know what happened. I don't want… I didn't mean to… Um, I don't know how to say it…" She tisked at my embarrassing attempt. I wished I could find the words for the thoughts in my head. I just couldn't put it together. I slumped in the chair and laid my head on the cool table top. Emily came over closer to me and showed some of her caring self as she patted my shoulder.

"What have I done Emily?" Was all I could muster. It was true I didn't even know myself. Well, I did. I knew I had ruined things with Jake. I had broken his heart. I had heard it in that agonizing howl he had sent into the forest. I had lost all of the packs trust in me. I had also made the Cullens all think I wanted to choose them. None of this was what I wanted to happen. It was all over a moment of my total stupidity.

"We have to fix this. I don't know how but there must be some way. The guys are all pretty mad at you. Paul was too angry to phase back yet, so he has to bear Jake's pain. It's too soon to know where he even is now. But he's running Bella. He might not be back for days."

Emily was showing me some sympathy now. I was seriously in need of some. It was selfish but I really just needed someone to make me feel okay now. I couldn't go home to Charlie yet, anyway. He was still fishing with Billy for another few days. I don't know how the guys persuaded him to go away and leave me on the Rez with all of them. I knew that Charlie like Jake a lot though.

I couldn't even cry. I felt like I needed to but I couldn't. When I didn't want to, I was always crying but now, nothing. Emily checked my cheek again for any signs of infection. She said it seemed fine. She told me that Sam would be home soon. That he had only given her some time alone to speak to me, and that he had gone to get an update on Jake. I couldn't believe how much of a problem this had caused. None of the other wolves could phase when Jake was so sad and Paul so angry. The pack mind was something I could never understand.

Sam entered the house. He looked more like an alpha than ever. His face was drawn and his features pinched together with anger. There was an air of strictness about him. He stood at the door of the house staring me down. His eyes were full of hatred. I didn't want him to look at me like this. I knew i deserved it, but he hadn't even heard me out yet.

"Sam, I…"

"Bella. You are staying here until Charlie gets home. I don't want excuses. You are not to go looking for Jake, he will be back. I don't know when but he will. I ordered him to come back soon, when he's ready. Paul, however, is not to come back until he calms down, so he is staying away. So come on then, give me an update on what happened at the Cullens…"

He sighed as he sat down. I had expected much worse than his cold words. His voice had been like a general, just giving a report. Emily nodded encouragement at me, she had been so understanding when I hadn't even told her how I was feeling.

"Well, Carlisle brought me away first to check my cuts. He told me whatever I wanted was fine with him. He told me to do what I wanted and I decided then… But Alice already knew so I didn't get to explain that to them. Then Edward took me outside to talk alone. I hadn't even got to speak to any of them… To say goodbye. Edward was trying to make me forgive him. Then he… he started to… um, I don't know. I just can't think around him. I don't know why but I hugged him… And then…" My throat was so dry all of a sudden. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even tell Sam about this. How did he expect me to explain this to him? Emily had rushed to my side again and was gently rubbing my back, offering some comfort. At least she believed me.

"You've certainly made a terrible mess Bella. Jake didn't know you chose us… Only Paul did. But then all Jake saw was you kiss Edward. He thought the only thing possible. Look, the guys are coming around for dinner so… don't worry. I'll explain first."

I was so happy to have had the chance to explain. Even if I didn't do a very good job, Emily and Sam were very good at deciphering me. But being with the pack was going to be hard. I could see it now how they would all look at me and whisper about me.

* * *

It was late when the guys arrived for the dinner. Sam had waited outside for them so that he could explain about me to them. They had all thought that I had chosen the Cullens. Paul hadn't been thinking straight so none of them could understand him. Leah arrived after everybody, but left after a brief moment inside. She was different to the last time I had seen her. She was slightly taller and much more muscular, but it suited her. She had an angry face and I guessed it was with the recent phase. Before she left she threw me a look that could kill. I had to keep up a mantra in my head of 'I deserve it'.

Embry and Quil sat with me at the table. They seemed okay with me, a little tense but nothing more. Seth was his usual self; none of this seemed to phase the quirky teen. He ate all around him joyfully, always happy to be a part of the pack. Colin and Brady were stiff and didn't say much to anybody but Sam. Jared was sitting at Sam's side and had the same attitude as him. I understood he would be angry as Paul couldn't return here until he calmed down, and Paul was his best friend. Emily kept up a string of conversation throughout the meal. She was like a mother-hen with all of these boys.

Embry whispered to me that I could stay with him and Quil. I nodded in agreement because I didn't want to impose on Emily and Sam much longer. One night was enough. So after the tense dinner, and the dessert, Sam gave us the go ahead to leave. I hadn't hung around with Quil and Embry together in such a long time. But under these circumstances it wasn't too great, not least as much as I would have wanted. They were both staying in Paul's house. Paul was not around so they figured it would be okay for me to stay too.

I hadn't ever seen Paul's place before. I knew he lived alone, but I hadn't expected it to be so small. And bleak. It was a small dark house, almost like a bedsit. He had a kitchen come living room and a bedroom with a small toilet off of it. I wondered what had happened to his parent's house. I didn't want to be rude and ask. I decided I'd wait until I could ask Paul. If he didn't kill me in the meantime. We all sat in the now crowded living room on the shabby carpet floor.

"We have to make a plan, Bella, for when Jake gets back. You have to seriously grovel to be in with a chance of him speaking to you. You know Jake…" Quil started. He wasn't wrong. I had to do something incredible for Jacob to even consider me now. Jacob wasn't one to let go of things too easily. All I wanted was for this to be a bad dream and that I would wake up soon in his warm arms.

"Yeah, Bella, we get it – you don't want Cullen. But you have some serious explaining to do. We were so mad… everyone was."

Embry wasn't going to change the subject either it seemed.

I didn't want to explain this now.

"So, does Paul know you two are staying here?"

It didn't work, they raised their eyebrows at me in unison. I knew I would have to explain. I curled my knees up in under my chin before I started.

"Look, I don't know what happened. I was caught off guard. I could never think straight around him and he… he made me feel sorry for him. I don't know if that was what he was trying to do but that's what it did. And… I don't know… um… it just happened. I didn't want it to… I do love Jake. More than anything. I owe him my happiness and my sanity. I just have a knack for drawing bad luck onto myself…" My voice had started strong but ended up in a mumble barely audible for human ears. I knew it hadn't been a problem for my two wolves. They relaxed a bit after I had spoken. I could tell they believed me more now that it had come from my lips. I didn't feel better after explaining myself though. I just felt like I was missing something. Like I had forgotten something. There was a hole in my chest again. A burning searing hole.

Embry and Quil watched me for a few minutes.

"You look just like you did when that leech left you the first time." Quil was never known for his niceties. I shrugged it off. I made a non-committal jerk of my head. I didn't want to talk about that. I knew what that felt like, I knew it was starting now. But this was different. Jake hadn't left me. I had forced him to.

The guys pulled the blanket from the couch and placed it over my curled up form on the floor. They lay down where they were and continued talking about things that didn't matter. They gossiped about Leah – she was still bitter over Sam apparently. They ranted about some old guy down in the general store. Then they asked me question after question. They asked me about my job, about Charlie, about food. They kept on talking until I was sure it was almost morning. But it wasn't. It was still pitch dark outside.

"Sorry, Bella. We're really used to staying up all night patrolling so it's weird for us to not have to…" Quil whispered into the sudden quietness in the room. I grunted at him. I really needed to sleep. I didn't feel tired but I wanted sleep to take me. My mind was wearing itself out today. I couldn't wait for it to end. Dreams, no matter whether they be nightmares or not, would be a welcome distraction right now.

After another hour or so of the guys talking, I got up to go to the bathroom. I had to walk through Paul's bedroom to get there. His room was small. There was single bed lined up against a square window and a large chest of drawers opposite it. The walls were a dark navy colour and the ceiling was lined with cobwebs. It looked like Paul hadn't slept here in months, even though the bed covers were messed up. There was clothes strewn around the floor and bulging from the drawers. Over the bed hung a single chain on a nail. It was singing out to me to come closer and look at it. It was a gold chain, with a locket on the end of it. I couldn't get it to open so I didn't bother. I was so curious but I was afraid to break the dainty object.

I took my time cleaning myself up in the bathroom. The guy's voices had even worn down so they must be falling asleep. I ran the hot water and splashed it over my face. I stood there staring at myself for a long time.

When I left the bathroom I turned out the light and made to walk through Paul's room again. But the door was locked. I didn't realise I had locked the door. Had there even been a key in the door?

"Hey." A sombre sounding voice sounded from the bed. I hadn't even looked on my way through the room. There was Paul. He was back.

He stood up and walked towards me. His body looming up towards me, intimidating me. He placed his strong hands either side of my head on the door. He was shaking slightly – but then, Paul always was lately.

I stared right back at him. There was nothing he could say now to hurt me.

"Shush, let the boys sleep… They don't know I'm home yet, Bella. Did you make up your mind yet? Or have the Cullens left you already?"

I shook my head to him. There was a strange blackness in his eyes. A glint in the distance that I couldn't place. Paul wasn't himself. He couldn't have been.

"We need to talk, Bella, don't we? Do you know how hard it was for me to come back here… And I had just calmed down. Then, here you are again. And poor Jacob is heartbroken running away."

I stuttered wildly. I didn't know what to say that wouldn't make him angry. I didn't know how to explain myself to him. Paul took everything as a blow to himself – this would mean so much more to him than the other guys.

There was nothing I could say to make him okay with me again. He was radiating dislike for me. I just wanted my friend again, not this cold indifferent Paul. I had nothing to talk with him about.

"Sleep. We need sleep. Come on…"

There was definitely no way I was leaving this room tonight. Paul straightened out his bed and laid a pillow on the floor. Where had this attitude makeover come from? I was still locked in here… But Paul was sleeping on the floor so I could sleep in his bed. What was going on?

"We'll talk tomorrow Bella. You don't know how tiring Jake's thoughts are right now…"

He yawned and fell silent. That had been a strange meeting. It had started and I was waiting for him to either kill me or yell at me. And now he wanted me to sleep here near him… Paul was a confusing boy.

I was a prisoner again.

Stuck here until the wolf awoke beside me.

So I let the dreams take me away too. Away to where my mind didn't have to think for itself anymore. I took the back seat and let the tiredness set in.


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 – The Time**

_Two Months Later_

"Hey Bells! Hurry on. We're outside your house!" Jessica's high pitched voice wore into my ear over the phone. I had spent hours preparing for this reunion with the girls. The three of us – Jess, Angela and I – were all going shopping; much to my indignation. I hadn't left the house in weeks. This outing was more to soothe Charlie than myself. I knew that festering in my sadness and grief didn't work, I had learned that the hard way. This was third time lucky and I was going to make it work to my advantage. I knew how to close over the searing holes burned into my chest. I knew how to falter the tears when anything reminded me of him.

Jacob left my life for the second time this year. Even though it had felt like him and me were meant to be together – it mustn't be true. It couldn't be true. If it was none of this would have happened. I hadn't seen him since he ran that day, but I hadn't even seen him then. I just heard his anguish as he tore through the forests.

I never even found out if he got back. I tried my best to find out from Billy when he was with Charlie but to no avail. This was my fault so I deserved Billy's nonchalance about the whole thing. I hadn't expected it, Billy had always been so nice to me. The pack wouldn't talk to me anymore either. They had all been fine with me back then too – after my stupid mistake – but now they ignored when I called. Emily was even busy every time I turned up at her door.

I hopped into Angela's car dragging my purse along behind me. I was not excited to be shopping. Both girls were chattering on incessantly the whole time. We were due back in school in two days, so Jessica needed a whole new wardrobe. We were on our way to Port Angeles to a boutique that apparently had the "cutest shirts". Ugh.

"So Bella, how have you been? Like, where have you been all summer? La Push I bet!" Jess stopped to question me. I was shocked into silence. I forgot that these two didn't know about La Push, about the pack or about any of my other supernatural misadventures.

"Um, I've been okay. Well, I was working mostly, and just helping out Charlie. I figure this being our final year, I'll be gone a lot, right?" I tried to deter her concentration. I knew Jess was a sucker for anything to do with graduation. I guessed she could actually keep talking until graduation without changing the subject once.

"I can't wait. I've already been researching colleges. This year is going to fly past us. I hope anyway." Angela chirped from the driver seat as she pulled into the parking lot.

I hoped the year would fly past me. I didn't think I was able to integrate back into the high school thing. Most of the last year in school had been spent avoiding any social interaction what so ever. I didn't want to line myself up for any more heart ache than I already had.

The day flew past in a haze of sundresses and high-heeled shoes. I was strung out by five o clock when Angela dropped me off at home. I had the house to myself so I threw myself onto the couch. Sitting there staring into space wasn't helping. I had to keep myself busy. Whenever I let myself go blank my thoughts always came back to Jacob Black.

I could almost smell him. He was still so engraved into my heart. His pine-needle and earthy scent. How I wished I could just breathe it in once more. He was all I needed; all I ever wanted to have. But I was destined not to have any good luck at all. I had to do things without thinking and ruin everything. It had been so perfect with Jake. Yes, we had had a lot to worry about but that didn't matter. Jake and I had been so together. It was as if we were made for each other. I could almost see his deep brown pools of eyes looking at me every time I closed my eyes.

I had to stop thinking about it. I took up my shopping bags. I may not have enjoyed shopping but I had to spend my wages on some new clothes for the fall semester in school. I ran up the stairs and started to tidy my bedroom. Before I put my new clothes away, I had a peek at some of them. These days, my concentration was at its lowest ebb. It was all I could do to not think about him – or about any of them. I had bought all normal clothes – two sweaters, a few pairs of jeans and new converse. At least the girls had my back, I thought.

As usual, before I started making the dinner for Charlie, I picked up the telephone. I called Emily's place.

"Hello?" Emily sounded cheerful, as if she was in the middle of hearing a good joke.

"Hey. Um, it's Bella."

"Oh, hi Bella. This is not a good time. Got to go." Her voice deflated in an instant.

"No… Emily, wait! Please?" I begged. It was all I could do. I had called every day since I left Paul's. It was as if they had decided after telling me they would help me sort it out, that they didn't want me anymore.

"Bella! Look, stop calling. How many times do I have to tell you? Don't call over to see me, I'm busy. I'm always going to be busy!" I had never heard Emily be so frank. Not even when she had been yelling at me for ruining my relationship.

I simply sighed and mumbled 'OK' into the receiver before hanging up. I had to admit now that they really didn't want me. Still sighing, I opened the refrigerator and took out the ingredients for my meal. Cooking was a mindless task, but it was time consuming. This was what I needed. If I occupied all my time I wouldn't hop into my truck and be gone. I knew exactly where I would be if I had the chance too.

Charlie came home on time as usual and we ate in silence. After dinner he helped me to do the dishes. I didn't need his help but he always insisted. I think he just wanted to spend some more time with me. We made some small talk before I exited up to my room. Tonight being a Friday night, Billy was coming over to watch the game. I lay on my bed and waited. All I wanted to do was ask him about Jacob. I had to find out something eventually. I heard Harry Clearwater's vehicle pull up outside, dropping Billy off, but Charlie was in the shower. I ran down to get the door before Charlie heard.

"Hey, Billy! How are you? How's J…" Billy cut me off with his hand. He closed his eyes as he inhaled big. I wondered if he would ever open them again.

"Bella. You know I am not going to answer you. All I will say is time is a healer. Just be patient. Good things will come." Why did he have to be so cryptic? It was just so confusing. What did he mean?

With that – on cue – Charlie entered the room. I was shushed out as they settled in with their beer and chips for the night. I went out to the front porch. It was a misty night. I knew they wouldn't notice if I left now. So I tentatively got into my truck. I started the old rusty engine up. I knew my destination before I even begun. It had been a long time since I was down this road. I had stopped coming for the fear I would be reminded. I had so many good times here, so many memories.

First beach looked eerily empty in the dark night. I remembered bonfires here, and walking with Jake. And Quil and Embry. As I got out of the truck I started a slight jog down to the far end of the beach. There was an old driftwood log here somewhere. I saw it and sat down. The salty air soothed my searing chest. The scars of my old love leaving me breathless as I was washed over with my favourite memories. I was reminded that I had it all with Jake. I had everything and I threw it away. I threw it away on a less hopeful love.

I let the tears flow freely down my cheeks. Nobody could see me here. I didn't have the courage to let go before. But now I could. As I cried all these tears I was letting Jake go. He was seeping out through my sore eyes with every breath. I was whimpering and gasping I was crying so hard. I hadn't cried like this since the last time I had been around the guys.

The wind became faster and harder. It swirled around me and raised my hair above my head. I was shivering from head to toe, but I didn't care. I deserved this. I should stay here all night and freeze. The rain had gotten heavier too. I decided Charlie would be worried. I had to have been sitting there for ages now. I fought my steps back towards the truck up near the road. The wind wanted me to stay on the beach it seemed. My breath still came in gasps as the wind filled my lungs each time I inhaled. I was getting worried it felt like I was walking backwards not forwards.

After a long struggle I made it back up onto more solid ground. I yanked on the door of the truck but it wouldn't budge against the harsh winds. I pulled and pulled until it finally opened and hit me square on the forehead.

And then the lights went out.

* * *

"Is she waking up? Oh, I hope she's okay."

"Just get her out once she comes around. We can't risk him seeing her like this."

"Or her seeing him like that…"

"Yeah, well, she should have thought. What was she doing down there? Charlie was worried sick. She only thinks about herself doesn't she?"

"Hey now! That's not fair. I told her it could all have been worked out, and then I deserted her. I owe this girl. She was desperate to see us all though."

"I'll leave that to your judgement then. Just make sure she calls Charlie when she comes around. I have to go and keep the guys in the woods. At least it was me who found her… See you later."

I could feel myself spinning around. My head throbbed as I tried to determine were those the voices I thought they were. I couldn't be here. What had happened to me?

"Bella? Bella, wake up. We have to get you sorted out." Emily. Her soft voice was like music to my ears. It wasn't the voice she used on the phone every day to me, it was her old voice. I flickered open my eyes. The lights were bright here and sent daggers through my skull.

"Emily? What happened?" I stuttered out. My voice was as shaky as I felt. I raised a hand to my eyes and tried to open them again. Not too bad this time, at least. I looked around. I was perched lopsidedly on the couch in Emily's cosy living room. I almost cried again when I saw that I was here. The whole atmosphere of her place had an effect on me. It had been such a long time since I had been here.

"You hit your head trying to get into your car. Sam saw. You were lucky. You could have frozen to death out there." Emily was quiet again now. I stood up. Leaving was my only other option right now. I knew Emily didn't want me here, even though I was burning to stay and talk to her. "Bella…"

"I know, Emily. Busy, right? I'm leaving now." I was a little agitated, but defeated mostly. I didn't need to be. Sam and Emily were doing a nice thing for me. I didn't need that though. Sam could have just left me there. I just wanted to see all of my old friends and not feel guilty for it.

"Stay here Bella. Come on. We have to talk…" And with that Emily led me into the kitchen.

She sat me down and started fussing around the kitchen. I had a feeling she was unwilling to tell me something. Something had happened and it was bad. My thoughts started to whirr. Was it Jake? I wondered if he had imprinted when he left. I hadn't thought much about imprinting. But now that I did I knew I definitely did not want him to imprint on anybody. It made me feel sick to think about watching Jake with another girl.

"I missed you Bella. I know it doesn't seem that way… but I do, I miss you. You look terrible. I want so much to forget that all of this happened but we can't. I thought we could fix it… maybe we still can. I'm not sure that's what he wants anymore. I think that time can only tell. I know deep down that you and I are meant to be friends so there must be a solution to all of this!" Emily raised her hands as if hoping a solution would fall from the low ceiling in her kitchen.

I didn't know what to think about what she was saying to me.

"Emily, why didn't you want to speak to me? After everything, and then all of a sudden nobody wants me. I thought I could rely on you to help me fix this. If I had been here… I could have explained." I struggled to find the right words for what I wanted to say. I didn't want to only ask her about Jacob. I needed to know if he was back yet. I'm sure he was. If he was I wanted to demand to see him. I didn't deserve that but just a look couldn't hurt.

"Oh Bella…" Emily plopped herself down next to me at the large table. "I thought it was all okay. I thought all the guys were on your side. Well, some of them were. Jacob arrived home the night you stayed with Quil and Embry. Sam ordered him to come home, remember? Well, he was in a bad state, Bella. When the guys saw him, they forgot all about what Sam told them. They all instantly slighted your name to Jake. Paul came home the next day, and he was really quiet about the whole thing. Jacob hasn't spoken about you at all. But Sam says that everyone hated phasing with Jake now because he's too sad. It rubs off, you know, werewolf telepathy."

Now my brain was really chugging. Cogs were spinning and steaming around in my head, trying to figure this out. So the guys had dissed me as soon as they saw how upset Jake was. Wait…

"Why didn't Sam just tell him the truth? We told him."

Emily's eyes deceived her before she even told me this one. That was enough for me. I couldn't handle this. So they had all been on my side until Jacob came home. I knew he must have been pretty torn up, but they could have fixed it. They could have told him what happened. They could have told him I made a mistake. A stupid lack of judgement. A lapse in sanity. Why did nobody believe me?

I stood up once more. I didn't need to be here to listen to Emily tell me how much of a hopeless case it was. I just wanted to be alone. Alone. That was what I deserved.

* * *

So here I was again. Sinking away into quicksand. Nothing to hold onto but the cracks that reopened with tremendous force in my chest. Just like last time, all I had left were my memories. I had to let go. I had to let myself sink once more into this abyss before I could be okay again.

He didn't want me. No, he didn't. I had hurt him in ways unimaginable.

It was true that first love stays with you. Yes, he stayed around to ruin my life twice. I was not to be happy once he was around. When he left first, the pain almost broke me. Now, he caused this.

This pain was like an earthquake, shaking me from the inside out. I could not make myself numb to this pain. There was no finding him this time. I had lost him. I knew exactly where he was but he was not to be mine. I had to leave him alone. There was no dreams, no nightmares, just this darkness. My sun was gone.

He had fixed me, and now I had broken myself. I had destroyed all of his work for a wasted kiss.

I should be destroyed. I had nothing…

No.

I had only one glimmer of hope left. Billy had given it to me.

Time.


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 – Please**

Here I was again, in this mess. I hated feeling so empty. I was sick of feeling such grief. Everything I did had such huge consequences. If I could just have explained it to Jacob. If he knew that I had chosen him…

But he doesn't. He doesn't know I chose him because my friends wouldn't help me out when I needed it. Even now, it didn't look like Emily was going to tell him the truth. All I wanted was to see my Jake, my sun. He had been such a huge light to my path and now there was nothing. Nothing to look forward to, only graduation, and leaving this town if I could at all. I knew I could leave and it scared me. I didn't really want to be away from him. The closer I was, the safer I felt. I had to talk to him.

That wasn't the problem. I knew where he would be if I went looking. I knew he wouldn't resist stopping to see me. I knew exactly what he looked like in his other form. But it was him staying afterwards that I was worried about. If he didn't want me anymore…I don't know what I would do. Staying in my empty state now – this was comfort. This was comfort compared to the pain I would feel if he told me to my face that he didn't want me anymore. This time business was going to be hard…

* * *

Weeks have passed since that night I visited Emily's – well, was taken to her because I am ultimately clumsy. Sitting at the cafeteria table, absorbed in what Lauren is telling us all about her date the other night, I am still empty. I don't talk much anymore. I think if I open my mouth, nothing will come out. I feel like an empty box. I could be filled with such things that make people smile, make people happy; but I'm not, I'm full of air and that only disappoints.

"Bella? Bella? Come on, wake up! We're going to class!" Angela whispered into my ear. It was easy to stick close to Angela. She knew when I didn't want to answer questions, so she didn't ask any. Jessica would be questioning me non-stop if she knew I was suffering any sort of heart ache. I nodded to Angela to show I was still with her and left the cafeteria. I had no tray to clean off because I hadn't eaten. It didn't make me feel any better.

The day flew by in its usual way. It felt as if Christmas would be here soon and I hadn't done anything. The cold breeze was already pouring in through the huge doorway of the school as I made my way to my truck. I was going home to nothing. To homework, I laughed at myself in my head. My evening and weekends now consisted of homework.

I had left working in the coffee shop with Anne. It was hard to leave but I had to. This was my final year, and Charlie didn't want me working. It would have taken time away from my study. I think Anne would have fired me anyway, for I was still breaking things left right and centre, and my attitude wasn't the greatest.

I remember that day I drove over. She had been reading in her usual spot near to the counter, in a comfy chintz armchair. I remember her soft caring, motherly face looking up into mine as I told her my bad news. Her doe eyes had filled with sorrow at my words. I knew she would be lonely without me. I knew she didn't want me to go. I explained to her about it being my final year, but it didn't stop her looking so sad. I needed her to smile and say it was okay. She had to understand that I had to go. I had to. I didn't really want to – I loved Anne. She had given me such a warm welcome from the start. As I left, she made me promise to come see her every now and again. I knew at least she was one friend I made this summer.

And I missed her now.

"Hey, Bells." Charlie was home.

Being at home with Charlie all the time had its advantages. Talking to Charlie was easy. He never pushed me to talk about feelings anymore. I think he just understood me this time around. As much as I had wanted to make this work, it wasn't. I was coping a lot better than before. I promised myself I would just spend more time with the girls and guys from school. I couldn't face it. I had pushed my empty shell back into seclusion. I didn't want to, but it felt as though nothing could soothe me anyway.

I hadn't tried to call Emily's in a while. I hadn't bothered to ask Billy any more questions. Every night when I fell asleep I could still smell the forest as close as ever. And even though I smelled it so close, the warmth never came. I was always too cold. I guess my time with the pack was too good to be true after all.

"Bella, wake up! You're burning that again!" Charlie's voice broke through my reverie. I realised the steaks I was frying were blackening again. This was not destined to be a nice dinner. "Okay, that's it, honey. We are going over to Billy's house. We are going to sort this out for once and for all."

Uh-oh. I panicked and froze. Charlie was being so dense. I couldn't go over there. There was nothing I could say that would change his mind either. I hoped upon hope that Jacob wouldn't be home. I wouldn't even mind listening to Billy's cryptic thoughts for an evening. Maybe I would be lucky.

The car ride over to the Reservation seemed to take an age. I hadn't driven by this way in so long. I kept my eye on the forest, hoping to catch a glimpse of russet among the green. If I just could convince myself that he wouldn't be home. Then I wouldn't have to worry about this visit.

Charlie pulled his cruiser into the driveway at the little red house that I missed so dearly. We got out and walked up to the door. Charlie looked at me, his eyes saying a million things at once. I just kept my eyes averted and to the floor. The beams on the porch were old and creaky. They were mottled with age and lines ran clearly up and down each plank. Billy answered the door.

"Hello, you two. Long-time no see, old friend. Come in, come in. We're just watching the old box…" Who's we? I was panicking now. I hoped that the other was Harry, not Jacob. As much as I wanted to see him, I didn't want to see his reaction to me. "Get up, you, and make room."

Must have been Jake.

I heard his grunt. He must be sleeping. My heart ached just hearing him make that animalistic sound.

We rounded the corner into the small living area and I kept my eyes to the floor. Charlie was greeting him while I couldn't look up. I had to. I forced myself to.

Oh, how I had missed him. My eyes feasted on every inch of him sitting on the couch. His hair was cut short again, revealing his massive shoulders and arms. He was crouched into a sitting position on the small seat, but he still took up nearly half the couch. Was it possible that he was even huger than the last time I saw him? He must be closer to seven foot tall now. I looked at his face. He was scowling. Being this close to him felt like heaven. I ached to run and put my arms around him. His deep eyes surveyed me with as much hunger as mine on him. He must have missed me too. But his lips were still fixed into a grimace. He was angry.

"Go on, you two. Get outside and leave two old men to gossip." Billy chuckled. I opened my mouth to reciprocate but I was silenced as Jacob stood up and stormed out of the house. "Well, go on. Don't just stand there. I'm sure you have a lot to say."

I took Billy's advice this time. I left the house after Jake. He was nowhere to be seen. The light in the makeshift garage was on. I walked through the cold night air to get to him.

"Jake…" I started. I couldn't get any more out of me. He was crouched on the ground in the garage. He looked like he was in serious pain. His arms and hands were convulsing and his head was slowly moving back and forth. He looked at me and the convulsions became more violent.

"Calm down, Jake. Please. Please let me talk to you." Slowly his shuddering limbs came to a stop. He looked up at me and met my eyes for the first time. I got lost in his gaze. But there was something wrong. There were tears slowly trickling down his cheeks. Automatically I ran over to wipe them away.

"I missed you, Bella." He said with a deep breath. As I ran my hands over his cheeks and down his neck, I felt at home for the first time in months. Here he was, in my arms. "But why are you here?"

That stopped my blissful thinking. I knew that this wouldn't be easy, and I wasn't prepared for it either. My heart was still throbbing since my first glance at him. He looked so like the old Jake, I don't know what I had been expecting. Now though, now I had to answer him. I had to tell him everything.

"Because I miss you too. Please, Jake. Don't be so mad. I needed to see you. I'm so alone now. Nobody wants to talk to me anymore. I don't understand. I just made a mistake. One little mistake. Surely you can forgive that?"

"I love you, Bells. But don't give me that one mistake thing. You chose the bloodsucker. He's all you've ever wanted. How can I compete with that? All the guys say it too, that you're always gonna go back to him. So why should I even bother, Bella? Huh?" He was so angry again. It seemed like the little garage shook with him.

"I love you, Jake. I've always loved you. I just had a little slip up. Please believe me. The guys know this. They just don't want you to be hurting. You have to understand. I want you Jake, you're all I want. I know it'll take some time but can't you just please forgive me? You were my best friend."

As I spoke the tears began. I hadn't cried for Jake since before Emily's house. It was a long time coming. I needed him to understand me though. It felt like I would burst with the pain if he didn't just kiss me now…

His warm arms suddenly stretched around me and pulled me close. I felt him inhale and exhale along with me. His breaths were short and fast, as if trying not to breath in the air around me. I didn't care though. Here he was, his warmth enveloping me. I hadn't felt like this in so long. The happiness was bursting through me. I knew Jake didn't want me so close just yet, though, so I made the ultimate sacrifice and stepped away.

Instantly, the cold air felt like knives all over my skin. I had forgotten what his touch felt like. He sighed and looked around him. It felt a bit awkward now.

"Why am I a sucker for you, Bella?" I chose not to answer him. Just the sound of his voice was soothing the fire in my chest. I could feel each and every piece of my broken heart coming back together hopefully. I hadn't expected him to be so forgiving straight away.

"Oh, Jacob Black. I've missed you so much. All I've done is think about you. All I can think about is you, I'm not able to concentrate. Please, can we be friends again?" I didn't want to ask him for more yet, I knew he understood that I loved him. And I did. I loved him more than I could say at this time. I knew I was destined to be with him.

I could see the thoughts behind his eyes. His face gave everything away. It flashed from angry, to sad and back to angry again. He paced in front of me endlessly. I guessed it was so he wouldn't phase and kill me right here. I knew he never lost his control, which was a good thought to always have in the presence of an angry werewolf. Finally, with a defeated sigh, he nodded to me.

I ran into his arms again.

"You know Bella, you can beg all you want, but… if you want to be best friends with me again, and you have to get rid of him…"

I looked up at him quizzically. Did he think I was still with Edward?

"But I'm not with anyone, Jacob. I've been so lonely without you."

"Don't lie, Bella. You reek of vampire."

Wait.

"What?"


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 – The Search**

The cold walls screamed out to the passers-by and holiday-makers to enter the ancient building. And so they did. All of them, going in throngs towards their doom. One such group entered, led to the main atrium by the beautiful girl wearing sunglasses indoors. She spoke in English to them, teasing them forward with her wicked tales of Kings and Queens. Each one of them enthralled by her soothing voice, following like puppets.

As they reached the ornate double doors, she started speaking of legends and myths. Cackling away to herself, her sick joke making it all the fun for her. And so they entered. They group: men, women, children and the elderly. As soon as the door opened they felt the cold air enveloping their very bones. Mothers clutched their children and the elderly clutched their rosary beads. The end was near and they all knew it. Nothing could help them now.

"Ah, dinner. Come in, friends." Came a devious voice from the shadows.

It wasn't a split second later that all could be heard from the atrium was torturous screams and vicious snarls. The group diminished. All that was left of them were their empty corpses. Every bit of life in them drained the moment the cold arms seized them from all sides. Ferocious speed and strength were against them. No mercy for any – humans were not the top of the food chain in this residence. The meal finished and all were satiated. Nobody ever left this doomed castle, but nobody ever found out either. All deaths were put down to car crashes, all staged within seconds of the forsaken lives ended inside that house. Everything was cleaned almost instantly after the meal, like as if nothing had happened before.

The Volturi were the best of their kind, after all.

"Now, brother, as I was saying. Come, sit here with me. I feel like I need more in my ranks… I feel as if I should have, ah, maybe two more… Do you comprehend?" The sly voice slithered throughout the cavernous room. Even members of his company shivered at that voice. The light amusement in it easy to distinguish, yet hard to decipher.

"Aro, Aro. You, my friend, will never give up on these two. If you do not have them as your own, you don't want them to exist. Frankly, I think you are justified, yet not wholly. Something feels amiss."

"Yes. Amiss. Amiss. But what can they hide from me? All I need do is give them my hand. Nothing gets past my famous hands, does it now? Hmm… I wonder."

"You first need them to intrude in their minds." A slight tremor issued around the atrium. Not even Aro's brothers normally spoke to him like that. They were normally pensive and quiet; unlike the flamboyant Aro.

"Wrong. I can send others. I can send others to find out these things. I need not wet my fingers just yet, dear. No, no. Another will go. There is much to do now. He was destined to come weeks ago, or was it months? Either way he did not come, neither him nor the fore-seer. Something is not right. I was foretold that they would come; something changed that got past my useful new addition. Or else she is not that useful…"

Once Aro set his mind on something, there was no stopping him getting his own way. The walls shook with his ringing, threatening voice. He was challenging the whole court to answer him, to tell him he was wrong. His thoughts began to whirr into motion. His friend, Carlisle, would never give up members of his coven so easily. And Aro had pined for two of their talents for some time now. Talents wasted, or so he thought, were talents not spent in his company.

"Aro, if I may? It seems the whole coven has taken a liking to a human. All have bonds tied to a human, it is unseemly, yet it is clear to me. If that is so… Should we go on a scout?" Marcus spoke tentatively as he knew his brother was volatile at best when he pined so over anything.

And that did it. Aro immediately divided his guard. He took his favourite duo, the twins, and sent them to visit the Cullens. He sent his main tracker, Demetri, after this human.

No human should understand about the secret world they strove to protect on a daily basis. Hundreds of years could be wasted on this one human, if they did not stop it now.

However, his orders were clear. See and do not be seen. Hear and do not be heard. Valuable information had to be forged from these un-prerequisite visits.

* * *

Demetri's journey didn't take him too long. He used some of the endless funds the Volturi possessed and flew halfway across the world in style. He wasn't used to this kind of treatment. His role as tracker was summed up to running ragged around the globe, chasing down delinquent vampires. He was the one who shone the beacon on those that had lost their way. He had to rip their delinquent heads from their cowering shoulders. Gruesome. But it was what he signed up for.

Demetri liked this type of tracking. He would have to try to get to know this human, in his own way, before he could truly track her. He needed a trace on her, something that joined him to her. If he found her in time, he could give Aro all the information he needed and more. But Demetri was controlled. He knew he should not touch; and so he knew he would not touch. Even if she smelt so tantalisingly tasty that he felt his very core burning for her blood. He got many meals in the Volturi residence and was trained to control his hunger.

Although the air hostess smelt nice.

And she was not out of bounds on this particular trip.

Dessert…

As he threw the limp frame of the once beautiful Sara from his arms and across the small space in the aircraft's toilet, Demetri thought of nothing but the job ahead. He prepared himself; cleaned his blood-stained face and hands before the jet landed. Fully satiated now, he was a picture of intensity. Anyone who passed him by felt the shiver down their spine that something was terribly wrong about him.

* * *

Watching through her window, the girl that he had found didn't seem like the right one. She had no contact with humans, let alone vampires. He had found this house three days ago now, after visiting the Cullen coven's house. That house was empty, but the scents suggested they left about a week before. And this human's scent was all over the place. The forest through which he came, smelled of rancid garbage. The scent overpowered him, made him want a kill. He did not know anything about what may lay in those woods.

This girl, though, she fascinated him. She spent all of her time sitting still, as though she were a statue. At one time, he thought she had seen him, but alas, she must have been daydreaming. She was hyperventilating in her room, as if something were about to take her life. Whatever the Cullens had done to her, he did not yet understand.

Today, she left. He didn't know where she went to. But now that he was so close…

He entered the house through one of the open upper windows. This room smelt of another human. But there wasn't one to be seen. He would have liked another human to show up, it had been a week since his last meal. He trekked through the house, a silent killer in the middle of the day. He found her room. It was a small room, never as grand as his own in Volterra. There were a lot of photos on her walls. He ran his hands over them, searching for a familiar face. There was nothing, just lots of humans, young and old. So the girl was not a hermit.

He searched further, his extended senses telling him he was still alone. He sat on the girl's bed as he looked through a small box. There was a stack of photos inside, and he nearly caught his breath, if he had any to begin with. There they were, these must be Cullen's. There were photographs of each one of them. All visible down to their topaz eyes. And the girl.

So the girl knew about them. She must, it was evident from the pictures that they had all been in the coven's residence. Aro would be interested in this. He took some of the photographs. He searched the rest of the room. Inside the wardrobe, he found nothing but a faint scent of a vampire. He ran his hands all over the clothes. He wanted the Cullens to know they had been found out, if they ever came to see their pet human again.

For the next few weeks, Demetri entered the house at intervals, pushing his scent into the small room. This human would be saved until Aro got to her. That was what he wanted.

And so, Demetri left through the trees. His job finished, until he returned with Aro, as he was sure he would.

* * *

Alaska was the perfect state for the Cullens. Jane and Alec appreciated the coven's taste in residence as soon as they arrived. They sought out the clan by asking several nomad vampires as they made their way steadily to the house as they were being directed. Each nomad looked on in horror as they knew exactly where Jane and Alec came from. The crest on their billowing cloaks them away, but they did not mind.

The twins came to a grand house, large enough to house fifty vampires. They heard the Cullens inside. They knew of their arrival. They could just play with them a bit. These vegetarians were not in the best interests of the Volturi anyway. So they watched from outside the house. For days, they both stood still in the trees, near a snowy garden. Their stark red eyes and black cloaks standing out in the white backdrop.

Finally, they entered the house, on the eight day. The Cullens were to be pitied, they had all seemed to suffer some loss. But all was not well in the house. One vegetarian smelt of human blood. Jane stuck to him for the weeks that they inhabited the house. Alec kept everyone else quiet, with his stories of Aro, Marcus and Caius. They were under the pretence of seeking out a couple of vicious nomads in a nearby town. He could sense the fear of each other being in the house.

Nothing as such happened in Alaska for Jane or Alec. Each week, when the Cullens left to hunt, they searched. They searched for clues about a human. Nothing could be found.

"Promise us you will visit us sometime. Aro speaks highly of Carlisle Cullen. We just had to see for ourselves." Jane's sweet voice echoed as Alec and her prepared to make their leave. They had found nothing, but only an interest in what the coven had been hiding.

Or what they were ashamed to show.

* * *

_A/N - Review if you like it! In a few days, another chapter will be up, back to Bella's cliff-y situation! Thanks for reading :)_


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 - Trees**

"What? What do you mean?" I shouted out. He couldn't be for real, could he?

If I smelled like vampire, I would have to near vampires every day. I knew that couldn't be true as I hadn't seen the Cullens in two months. And at this moment I wished I had...

I stared into Jakes eyes as his expression became more and more furious. His arms were shaking yet again but this time my arms wouldn't still his need to phase. His eyes were simply black depths now, burning my gaze but I couldn't look away. I ached to hear his explanation, was there any chance he could be kidding? At this moment all I knew was how much I just wanted to hold him and calm him down.

My Jake, my sun. He was barely recognisable as this shaking mass of fury in front of me.

"Bella, just don't play dumb with me anymore, I can't take it. You would go running off with him as soon as you'd get the choice. Why are you here? To throw it in my face? What more do you want from me?" He collapsed in on himself. His shudders gave way to tremors, coming from deep within his chest. I was too shocked to utter a word.

"Where are they? I'LL KILL HIM!" his roar frightened me. I couldn't understand what he was talking about. He thought the Cullens were still here. How could he think that? Every moment I anticipated him just bursting into the old Jake again, telling me I was a sucker and poking fun at me. Please Jake.

Please be lying.

I was afraid, afraid of Jake and what he would do to me when he was this angry. It wouldn't be his fault but his edges were blurring now, as if he couldn't keep his wolf at bay. I used to be able to soothe him; to keep him calm, but not now. Not anymore. This Jake was delusional in his anger; he was trying to find more ways in which I would hurt him. He didn't know that I had chosen him. My sun.

"J-Jake please, calm down. I haven't been near a vampire since you left. I've been alone. Please why are you so mad?" I begged him; reaching out my hand I tried to soothe him.

"If you haven't been near any leeches how the hell can you reek so badly? Huh? It's as if you have been wrapped up in one all day... T-tell me you're not with him bells please." His shoulders fell against his large frame, his arms were just barely shaking as him chest heaved with silent sobs.

"But I haven't Jake. I chose you. I don't understand. I haven't had any interaction with monsters in a long time. I promise you."

And my sun calmed from his haze of fury, his warmth expanded around me. Strong arms held me in place so I couldn't move. His sobs getting heavier and deeper. It was strange to Jake so broken. Had I done this to him? I was the only monster here. All I wanted now was for the sun to come out from behind the clouds and shower me with his rays.

"I love you, Jacob. It's always been you. Even when I couldn't see it."

He looked at me then. His darks eyes were pools of sadness, of misery. I was overcome with emotion myself, but I wouldn't shed a tear. I had cried to much just thinking about this reunion and now it was here I just wanted him to hold me. I wanted to still the tears mow flowing freely down the planes of his cheeks.

"Okay. Okay, I believe you. But if you haven't been near any vampire, how do smell so like death?"

I shrugged at him, I didn't care at this moment, and I just wanted his arms to stay in place, keeping me warm.

"Sam's house. Come on."

Jacob picked me up at the waist and threw me in a fireman's lift over his shoulder. And he ran. He shouted in to our dads to tell them we'd be back later. He ran so fast but all I could see were the creases forming in his black T-shirt. My hair flipped around my face but I was shielded from the cold night air as his huge warm hands held onto me.

"Jake? BELLA? What's going on guys?"

Quil's yell followed us straight into the house as Jake put me down in the middle of the pack, they were all here and I was mortified. They all stared at me, I was afraid to speak. Jacob said nothing either.

"Ugh, so we were right, you did go back to him. You stink, but what do you think you're doing here?"

"God, Bella. Thought you were smarter than that..."

Paul and Jared rounded in on me. The two second eldest of the pack, but I only looked for Sam's eyes, silently begging him to see the truth.

"N-N-No... No I haven't. I h-" My voice was so shaky. I could hardly concentrate, not with all of these huge angry werewolves around me.

"Shut up, guys. Concentrate a bit, would you? Is the scent familiar?"

Seth's voice of reason piped up. Oh, I loved that kid. But I wasn't so sure the pack would listen to him, as he never displayed the natural kill instinct with the Cullen's. Although he not really known them at all yet.

"Ok, Calm down." Sam's cool voice needled out all the rest. Everyone was silent as they waited for him to speak. "Seth is right guys. This is no familiar scent."

I gasped. So this wasn't some cruel joke, wasn't even Alice or Jasper trying to visit me. It was real and frightening and shoved under my nose without warning. What could I do now? Surrounded by werewolves – the mortal enemy of something I now smelled like – apparently, I might add. If this was true… it meant… I didn't even want to think about what it meant. There was so much it could mean. But a non-familiar scent. This was too much, even for me with my experience in all things supernatural.

"But let's not be hasty. Why are you in La Push anyway, Bella? I thought all of this was forgotten. What made you come tonight?" Sam's voice, though calm and concentrated, was like a window pane. He didn't trust me. I couldn't understand these guys. After all that had happened, after all that they said they believed of me. They had told me this sort of thing wouldn't happen. That they would back me up. It was all their faults that this was happening and I was so frustrated as to why they couldn't just see that. How dare he stand there and demand what I'm doing in La Push. The Rez used to be my home away from home; and it was all their faults for letting it become so, and then letting it fade away. I thought they understood I had chosen Jake. But now it was easy to see they had always been uneasy about me.

I refused to answer him. Alpha, he may be, but not my Alpha. He couldn't make me answer him any more than I could demand answers from him for all the pack had caused me. I simply shrugged, and left the house.

* * *

Nobody came after me. But I didn't care. They could pretend that this was some threat them, that I was some threat to them all they wanted. If they didn't trust me, I couldn't stay there. I walked slowly but surely back to the Black's home. The lights were still on when I arrived; at least Charlie hadn't left without me.

I stopped on the porch and watched the surrounding trees swaying with the cold breeze. Those trees were enviable in a way. All they had to do was stand tall, and the wind would care for them. The wind made their shapes and their dances. All of their decisions were made for them. They didn't have to decide between one love and another, or between stone and cold or gentle and warm. They didn't have to move around, or try to make new friends in life. They just stood and blew around with the wind, raising their limbs together as if in rejoice. Always happy, always facing the sun. Always reaching out for more.

But I was not a tree. Nor could I be. So I had to snap out of this. I felt worse now than when I had come over here with Charlie. What had possessed me to do so? What was I thinking? Coming over here as if everything could be fixed with one look. One look was all it would take, but that wish went out the window a long time ago. That one look would have changed my life. And for the better.

I didn't want to worry about a lone vampire following me. I already knew I was Edward's singer; I couldn't be another's also. I didn't care about it. My life wasn't up to much and if this vampire was going to kill me, it would have done so. To be honest with myself, I don't think I would have minded all too much. Not at this point anyway.

And so with that thought, I entered the small red toned house. It smelled strongly of Jake in here. That forest-like, earthy natural scent that made my nerve endings tingle all over. The only comfort I had was that I had gotten to experience it, if only for a short time. Billy and Charlie were in the living room, still watching the game – or another game?

They both looked at me strangely as I sat down on the edge of the couch. I ignored them and pretended I was concentrating on the TV. They continued to stare at me for a few minutes, and I almost crumpled in on myself, as I used to do. Charlie's eyes strayed away and I looked up to meet Billy's. His wise eyes were full of knowledge and I wished I could have that. I wished I could know exactly what was going on without having to ask any questions. Billy smiled gently at me; a slight pinch of sadness ran through his face, before he looked away again.

I sat silently, immersed in my own thoughts, until another game finished up. Charlie decided it was time to go home then and we said our goodbyes. Jake had not come back. I didn't think he could even have looked at me at this point; his opinions were so influenced by the pack and now the 'smell'.

Charlie and I arrived home not long after. The house was empty, dark and quiet, just as I felt. Charlie called me into the kitchen just after I was about to ascend the stairs to my room. So I followed him into the kitchen. He was sitting at the table, with a letter in his hands.

"I can't do this anymore, Bella. You're going to your Mom's house for a while, in Jacksonville. I know it's sudden, but it's not forever. I think you might just need some time away from here. With your Mom. She's been begging you to visit for so long." His voice was serious but he didn't look at me as he spoke. "I have been talking about doing this ever since the first time. I told Billy tonight that if you two didn't sort something out, this was it. And you came back looking like hell Bella."

"No, no. Char – Dad! No. I won't go. I simply won't." I stuttered out, I was shocked. This was huge. How could he send me away? I wasn't that bad.

"You're going. It's all been decided. You're going to graduate in Jacksonville High. Your Mom has some job offers for you too. I've already spoken to Mrs Newton about you taking some time off. It's all sorted Bella. You're going and that's final." His voice had that policeman chime to it now. How dare he get all chief on me!

So I wasn't wanted here. I really wasn't. But I wanted to be here, to be here close to my sun and close to the forest. It all felt so like home, more than ever. I needed to be here. On the other hand, maybe the pack needed me to be away for a while. And it was only a few months until graduation. I ran up the stairs, checking my email. Sure enough, there was one from Renee, a very excitable Renee it seemed. She had rambled on for about ten thousand words on 'yoga classes with hot tutors' and 'my pale skin needing some sun anyway'. Good Renee, it seemed I was still going to be the mother this time around. I was not looking forward to going away. But I knew Charlie was right.

I needed this. Not for my sake, but I had to give Charlie a break, and the pack, and Forks High. I was tormented though. Jake, how could I leave knowing we hadn't made up? Maybe time would heal this one…

As I packed the next day, Charlie came up to my room. He fingered the coverlet on my bed as he shuffled on the spot. His eyes were sorrowful; I knew he would miss me. And I was leaving so soon. I was due to start at the new school in a week, so I had only two days left here in Forks.

"I'm not pushing you away from me, Bella. I hope you know that. I do love you, kiddo." Charlie and I never had these conversations. They always ended in the both of us red faced and feeling awkward.

"I know, Dad. And I love you too. But you might be right. I do need to get my head together. And I can come right back after graduation."

"Yeah, you have to come back. How will I survive on pizza for that long? Or Billy's cooking to say the least!" That eased up the awkwardness. Thank god for Charlie's sarcasm.

And so the two days passed.

* * *

In a haze it seemed I said goodbye to all of my high school gang and Charlie. They all wished me the best, and promised to call every other day. Jessica gave me a compact mirror, for perfecting my 'beach hair' she said, although what beaches would I be going to, I wondered. Angela gave me a new book, one which I actually hadn't heard of before. It was a science fiction, and it didn't look too good, but the thought was there. Ben told me that he helped pick it out, so that explained it. I felt bad leaving these friends, who had been so good to me. They had always been here for me, for as long as I had been here at least. And I would miss them all.

I gave Billy a note for Jacob when he came over, it was short and to the point:

_Jake,_

_I don't want to leave when things are not okay with us. I just wanted so badly for you to forgive me for everything. I didn't know what I was doing that day, and still don't, but that's no excuse. I did a terrible thing to you and I will never forgive myself._

_But it's hard. It's hard to know that you don't understand fully that I chose you. I gave you my heart a long time ago, even though I couldn't see it right away. But now it's gone with you and I'm empty. I'm empty and all I want is you. _

_Hope everything is going well with you, my best friend…I hope you find happiness, only the best!_

_I'll be at my Mom's house in Jacksonville for a few months… I think. _

_Be safe, _

_My love always, Bella._

It was hard to write that note. I couldn't use the right words, and even the ones I chose in the end didn't add up to how I felt. I hoped he got it. I told Billy the address of Mom's and told him to make Jake write back to me. A long letter. A long one, even if it wasn't filled with what I wanted, although I didn't say that.

* * *

And now as I look out the window of the plane, I can't help but think I'm making a huge mistake. I feel like a part of me has been left behind in Forks, left in Charlie's house. But still, I close my eyes and try to sleep. But it's not sleep that consumes me, its pure agony.

It's tearing at my insides and ripping me to shreds. I can't hold it in any longer. But I have to. I have to appear the picture of strength. I have to seem cool, calm and collected. The trees come to mind again, as I am one now. I am letting everything else decide my fate. So let man cut me down or let fate send me on a dance of life, come what may, I had to appear strong. Renee didn't raise me to crumple and fall like this. She raised me to be responsible through her childish ways, without even knowing it. She raised to take care of myself, and know right from wrong. I could feel a little better knowing I would get some time with Mom.

As much as I didn't want to think about Jacob, I couldn't help but wonder how he felt now. Was he mad at me? Why didn't he follow the other night? Why didn't they care that a vampire had apparently all over my clothes? At least in Florida it would be easy to pick out a vampire in the sun. That much I was glad for.

I shiver as I manoeuvre around in my seat. The cold is unforgiving on this plane.

Or is it just that I've left all the warmth behind me?

How can I stand tall and be my tree, when I have no sun to keep my head up or to wave my arms in joy with? How can I dance when I have no more wind to push me?

* * *

_**A/N - Sorry about the wait. Hope you like it. Review (if you want!). Another one coming!**_


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24 – One Mind**

"C'mon Jake, our plan is good, you're just mad that you don't get to sit outside her window!" Quil was tormenting Jacob again. Stupid Quil. I'd show him, later. He wouldn't even see it coming. But I would sort out his attitude. And Jake was being pathetic. Always sitting around slumped over chairs with his fat head in his hands.

Sam was sympathetic but what did Sam know?

Sam was nothing but an excuse for a wolf, I knew I was not any better, but Sam, he was pathetic. All of them the same. I watched all of this stupid shit happen and now look at me stuck in the middle of it. Protecting the one they all dissed not so recently. Were they two-faced or what?

* * *

But me, being the freak wolf, had to just grin and bear it. I didn't do that too well all of the time, but hey, life was tough. If big wolves couldn't handle me, nobody could. One big wolf could though; he only had to say the words, stupid Alpha. Ruined my life once and now again when I became the object of history, he ruined it again. Making me live like him, making me feel like him every day. I thought I would crack up at first. I just became bitter.

Poor Jake, though. Jake was stuck in a rut. Has been for a few months now. I came back after that night the stupid dinner was on, and there he was. I remember as if it were yesterday. I may not care about him but he did look a serious mess.

He fell onto Sam's porch, naked. All that could be heard from him was his breathing which was heavy and rough. Two of the guys lifted him and put him sitting inside. Sam handed him a pair of sweats but he just held them, just sat there, left them hanging from his clenched fist. It was worse that he was doing nothing because everyone could see. He could have just sucked it up like I had to and shown a brave face. Making all of us see him like that. His eyes were wide and shocked-looking. They swivelled around at all of us, as if we would help him escape his frozen state. And he was in some state. I don't think his head could cope with it. But then it all started. It all started when I realised my brothers were two-faced liars. As soon as Jake started to get up again, Embry pushed him down. Quil started yapping about Bella Swan being stupid and careless. And they all joined in. None of them standing up for her at all; it was seriously cruel. Sick. Yeah, that's a good word, it was sick. Less than 24 hours before she had been there and they had all understood her, or pretended they did. I couldn't wait to phase with them that day and give them hell for it. I didn't like Bella Swan but everyone deserved a chance where they had been promised one. Someone could promise you forever and still not mean it, but you had to give them a chance. I didn't give a fuck if the guys were mad at her; she still deserved to explain to Jake herself. He would feel better for it. So of course, Sam sent Quil, Embry and I out for the patrol until 3AM. Of course I got stuck with tweedlededum and tweedlededee. Assholes. Quil would hear it from me about his stupid comment earlier. I took off my clothes behind a bush, it's not like they haven't seen it before anyway. And I phased. I was angry enough to do it on the fly like Sam or Jake. I followed them both into the trees and ran. I had always been the fastest runner from the whole pack. Nobody could catch me. This was my only positive on the whole thing. I pushed my paws forward, trying to focus my mind so I could hear the others' thoughts. Quil's obnoxious voice started off first. _Stupid girl, did you see the state of Jacob? What the hell was she thinking? Is she just out to get him now? _Ugh. This boy was stupid. After all that he had been told the night before, he still thought it was Bella's fault. I knew it was, but not entirely. She wanted a chance to speak with Jake on her own, but they had made sure that Jake wouldn't even want that. _Guys, concentrate on the run. Come on, it's not that long ago we were plagued with leeches… _Embry was always a voice of reason. He didn't show any feeling about the whole Jake – Bella situation. This was almost just as bad as Quil running his mouth. Who did that boy think he was anyway? _Shut up, Leah. Nobody asked you, you wouldn't understand. _I wouldn't understand. Yes, that's what he said to me.

Thinking back on it now, I probably reacted badly to that. I put the two of them through the agony of first finding out about Sam and Emily. I put them through the agony of telling people I was no longer engaged. I made them see I understood perfectly. I was the only one who knew how Jake was feeling, because he thought Bella had chosen a leech over him. I had run after that. I had kept on running, way past our borders. I just needed to let it go, I didn't need to be around that. I didn't need to relive all of that.

I had gone home the next day, but I didn't go to Sam and Emily's house. I went to my own house. Back to Mom and Dad. I was sick of spending all day in the forest. And I knew Jake would have to phase soon and I definitely didn't want to be in his sorry mind right now. But Mom was delighted when I went home, because Dad hadn't been doing so well. There was no helping him though, the old man was stubborn.

I stayed home for a couple of days before Sam showed up; to make sure I was okay. Even Seth hadn't been able to get me out of my room. He stood at my front door, looking all sorry. His eyes were tortured. I remembered how he had been. When he had been mine. I had to stop myself thinking of these things. I knew Sam hadn't chosen his fate, but he was still an asshole for leaving me. He stared at me tortured before he lowered himself to his knees. This was the sick part now.

"Lee, i know it's harder for you to be around him, but please, Lee, come back to us. We all miss you so much, please. Promise me you'll come back." The asshole thought by him looking all sorry like that it would make me come back to his house. What a dick. I stormed out past him and tore straight to Emily Young's house. Not to see her, but to see the pack. I thought that they might need a piece of my mind.

When I arrived, there he was, still sitting there. Jake. What kind of a sucker was he?

"That's it. Come on, Jake. Outside. Now. You're walking with me." Jake just obeyed me, and I felt a twinge of guilt for being so hard on him, but I hid it. I was Queen Bitch so I had to hold up my reputation. As much as I loved my brothers, I hated them at times. There was no fight from Jake when we reached the edge of the forest and he just transformed, tearing all of his clothes. So I ran around a tree and did the same – while not tearing my own. Ah, his mind was quiet.

_Jake, I know this is hard for you. I know exactly how you feel, remember? But I'll always be here if you want to talk to me about it. Even if you just need to vent it all. I promise I won't be mean or horrible or be my bitchy self about it, okay? _

I thought I did a great job at being gentle with him; I hadn't been for so long. But it took a few minutes for my reply. His mind was so blank it was scary.

_I know Leah. I'm sorry. I thought I'd be okay when the guys told me she didn't choose me. I thought I'd be angry. But I wasn't. How can I be mad at her? I didn't even go to protect her that night. I had to stay home and mind the old folks…_

Ah, stupid Jake. He had to stay home that night because if a leech had caught whiff that he and Swan were together, it would have been the end of us all. I let him hear that too. _And Jake, she did choose you. She just did some stupid things. Everyone makes mistakes. But Bella had the choice Jake, and she chose it right, she just didn't play it out well. Don't listen to the guys; they're just mad to see you so broken._

For the first time his mind started making noise, there were scenes playing out, and thoughts whirring around. It was comforting to know. He was a little happy to hear me say that she had chosen him though. And with that Jake ran back to the house.

I followed a few minutes later, after drying my human eyes. I hated this, remembering all of the things I had to deal with on my own. Nobody had comforted me then, why should anyone comfort him? It wasn't fair.

After entering the house, Sam gave me that pat on the shoulder to say I had done a good job. Jake was actually sitting at the kitchen table being fed by Emily. The guys had all had their lunch but Jake hadn't been eating right at all. It was good to know I had at least given him his appetite back. I knew if you didn't eat like a wolf, it was torture to phase. When I had first found out, I didn't know why I was so hungry all of the time, as I didn't spend much time at Emily's. but soon enough I realised I couldn't be the wolf if I didn't eat enough, I had to have enough calories in me to burn when my body burst open.

Emily smiled slightly at me, and I returned it. I knew it wasn't Emily's fault that Sam had imprinted on her, the stupid bastard. She had always been my favourite cousin, even if she was a bit younger than me. When she came around, we used to be great together. But she is the only other wolf girl that I could talk to. And she didn't understand how I was feeling, but it was okay because she listened and she shut up when she knew I wanted her to.

But now, there were a few wolf-girls. Jared had imprinted in the two months following. And it was all good for him because he had been crazy about this girl Kim, and as soon as he actually locked eyes with her, it happened. Now it was hard to phase with him because all he thought about was her, and how much he loved her. And Quil. Quil the stupid fuck, he imprinted on a baby girl. Claire, she was a friend of Emily's daughter. Quil just had to do the odd thing. So now he was stuck being a babysitter for like seventeen years, until she was old enough to realise she loved him back. but that was nice, that girl Claire, she would always have her life set out before her, no heartache and no hurt because he had to look after her. Embry had been trying to date, everyone thinks he was trying to imprint. But nobody told him we thought that. Brady imprinted on some random high school girl, and she was a bit of a dope, if I had to be honest. But she meant well and Brady was so likeable when he was around her, not his usual insufferable self. And Colin was heartbroken, as Brady no longer wanted to wrestle all of the time. So now Colin was insufferable.

But it was Paul who took the cake, and ate it. He only went and imprinted on Jacob's sister Rachel. Jake had been so mad. He had dragged Paul by his sorry tail into the forest and beat him. I would do that to whatever girl made Seth imprint too. Because he was my baby brother and I had to look out for him.

Sometimes I wish I could imprint. Stupid Quileute and their stupid legends. I was now nothing but a dead end. My genes would never be imprinted upon this earth because I was a sorry excuse for a wolf. I was fast but I was not as strong nor as level headed as the rest, even Paul. I was a mistake of nature and a freak. The only one of my kind, and the only one there would ever be.

So, just last night, Bella turned up. With Jake carrying her. And he looked like he was a man tortured.

He had been doing okay these last two months. After he started eating again, he didn't really talk about it much. And I had been so mad at all of the guys; they never said anything more about Bella. But Emily and Sam had been keeping her away because if I knew Swan I knew she would have been straight over here to get back with Jake.

Paul started off speaking. And Jared. Who were they to criticize? Paul had been like really good friends with Swan and now he was dissing her in front of everyone. But the smell emanating off of her was cruel. It burned like bleach in my nostrils and made my image blur around the sides. Everyone was shuddering on the spot when we smelt her. Even I at that moment had assumed she went back to the leech. But Seth woke us all up. It wasn't a scent we knew. It wasn't even one of the weirdo's that had come with the red haired psycho for Bella.

But Sam started being all Alpha on her and she left. I would have too, but I knew she wanted her own space. So I blocked the door and told them all to leave her be for a few hours. Well, by all I mean Jake, Paul and Sam. Emily was already gone to bed; she had been tired these last few days. Judging by the smell off of her, puppies were coming. Ha. Great.

Jake ran off then, I assumed he would follow Bella, but I later found out he didn't. He only went for a run to clear his head.

Sam gave us the orders then. We were to follow her to school, to the store, to her house and wherever else she went. If she was being tailed by a bloodsucker right underneath our snouts, we would find it. Jake came back and groaned when Sam told him his part in the patrols. He was to keep an eye over the Rez. Poor Jake. Always stuck with the patrols on the Rez because he couldn't see clearly with her gone. And if he had been patrolling by her house we all assumed he would be inside it as quick as he could get in there.

* * *

"Fuck you, Leah. I'm only having some fun with him." Quil bit back at me. I would definitely show him later.

"Yeah, we all heard you think that after you saw me naked…"

And the room erupted into peals of laughter. I was happy when I saw Quil's red cheeks and his huff of anger. Jake was the only one silent now. We were all preparing to go and mind Bella. As much as I didn't like the girl, I really felt for her. None of the assholes had followed after I said it would be okay to last night. The pricks had actually been scared shitless. All of them making up excuses. I could understand Jake, he didn't know any better yet. But the other fools. No. Nothing, and they were my brothers, but god did I hate them right now. They were being complete little shits about the whole thing. It was easy to see they never grew up. They were like the lost boys. I was tempted to follow Bella last night, and tell her how proud I was of her, standing her ground and walking away with her head in the air. But I didn't. Because that would be meddling. But right now, Paul was sitting outside her window and should be home soon to leave Quil go.

Paul came back a few minutes early. He looked around the room like he was going to faint, and told us no sign of a leech. But something was worse. He looked pointedly at Jake before Sam nodded at him.

"Bella's moving."

And the chaos erupted.

Jake started to panic, thinking out loud. Saying he should have gone after her and kissed her again and everything would have been better. Jared grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back down into his seat. Quil and Embry were growling lightly, probably thinking this had something to do with a leech or seven that we knew.

"Calm down. Everyone, calm down. Come on, Paul tell us more about this would ya?" Sam spoke over everyone. He never raised his voice yet we seemed to all automatically shut up when he opened his mouth.

But still we all stayed up until the early hours of the morning trying to decide how to keep Bella here. How to get her back into being friends with us again. And how to get her into Jake's arms before he split in two with the pain. We didn't know when she was leaving, or how long she was leaving for. Paul only heard Charlie speaking about going to miss Bella when she left for Florida.

But the next day we realised she was gone. Sam shouldn't have let up on the patrols. We thought we had a long time. We left it off for that one night, and just had Colin watch the Rez. But no, she had been gone in the morning. Before Quil had gotten there for his watch. He came back whining and moaning. And we all knew.

But Jake couldn't understand.

We could have done so much more to keep her. We should have went at that moment last night and found her. We all regretted so much but the most was how we had treated Bella. And even Emily admitted she had been horrible to her, she had been tough with her and cruel. But now all we could do was hope and wait for some sign that she was returning. Because this guilt would drive us all crazy.

Even Queen Bitch here.


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25: Unanswered Words**

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never fixed things with us. I wished for so long that all those things had never happened between us but I suppose we are danger magnets. But don't sound so down Bells, you will be back, won't you?_

_You asked for a long letter, and I'm between patrols right now, so here goes._

_The guys told me everything. It took some time, but they told me. I feel sick just thinking about it, Bells. Thinking about how I could have stopped it… or you. if I had just kept my head, but I'm jelly when it comes to you. But they are sorry too - extremely sorry. I very nearly killed all of them when they told me. I found it very hard to escape the house before… well, you know. But I can't stay mad at them because I've seen their thoughts. I know how sorry they are, and they are my brothers. I hope when you come home you can find it in your heart to forgive them. _

_It was actually Leah who first opened my eyes. And since then she's been a little nicer to me. Between me and you, she's never THAT nice, but not a complete bitch. And she hasn't got it in so bad for you anymore. I think she genuinely felt sorry for you, when they were all dissing you (again, sorry). _

_Life is so boring since you've left. It's been two months now and it's snowing all the time. It sucks because we have to hide out in case people see us walking around in shorts all the time. But the snow is great for finding tracks and also great for hiding them. There has been no sign of any leeches since you left, but we are keeping an eye on Charlie all the same. Billy has been keeping him company a lot. But they can't really fish now in this weather. Christmas was good, Charlie spent it with us and the Clearwater's. Emily and Sam came over too, with a huge cake. _

_Emily is pregnant. Leah told me a few weeks ago, and I noticed then. It's great; imagine, Sam a father. But Em will make a great Mom. I think they will have to get married soon. But there is also bad news. Harry Clearwater is sick again, and they don't think he will pull through. We're all hoping for the best, but Seth and Leah are still worried all the time. Sue hasn't left his side for a week. _

_Everyone here is the same after that, Paul and Rachael have moved into our house together, so I'm tortured by his every other minute that I'm actually here. I do a lot of patrol, just to get out of the house. Jared and Kim have also moved in together, in Paul's old house. The whole pack got together and renovated a little for them. And poor Quil is babysitting every other night, but Claire's Mom seems to love it. She gets to spend lots of time with Emily and she knows Claire is in good hands. _

_Actually, you know if I think about it, there's only another three months and you will be home again. _

_And Bells, please remember, I am here always waiting for you, and your heart is being kept warm. That is also in good hands. _

_Write back, and tell me all about Jacksonville. _

_Love, Jake._

* * *

_Bella,_

_You haven't wrote back and it's been three weeks. I don't know if mail gets to you okay or not, or if you maybe are studying too hard to write back. Sorry I don't have email or anything. _

_Things have been horrible. _

_Harry passed away, but I'm sure you know from Charlie already. The pack is really mourning his loss. Seth and Leah haven't been the same since. Dad is upset all the time, but at least we have Rachael home and she's good at taking care of him. I have to do even more patrol now, because there aren't as many wolves available to us. _

_I'm actually sitting on Emily's kitchen worktop writing this, and I'm on my first break in two days. But I thought I would write you before I slept. _

_We caught a trail yesterday, but never caught it up. But never have we smelled that scent since you left. I hope you're ok and safe down there. _

_I'm very tired, shattered actually, so this letter is short, sorry._

_Love you, Bells._

_Jake._

* * *

_Bella Swan._

_It's been a month and a half. Six weeks. And nothing. I can understand if you're angry at me. I can understand if your studying. But there is such a thing as a telephone. I know you have been calling Charlie and emailing your friends from school, so why not me? _

_Even if you're only calling to say 'Leave me alone, Jake'. Please, do. I would love to hear your voice. _

_Dad is shaping up well now, and so is Charlie, but you know this. Leah and Seth still aren't the same, but that can only be expected. I tried to be nice to Leah, a lot. It helps a little, but she's been through too much alone to know what a helping hand looks like. _

_God, I miss you._

_You know, only another 8 weeks and you will be home. I hope. Unless you want to have a holiday for a bit with your Mom and have no school to worry about. I bet you haven't even seen the sun yet, if I know you. Keep that SPF on ya anyway!_

_Please call when you're coming home, I am torturing Charlie day in, day out. He keeps putting me off asking questions about you. I heard you're doing well in school. And that you're working in another coffee shop. Better not tell your old boss, if you ever want to work for her again. She would feel betrayed (joking, joking). _

_Emily is huge now. It looks like she could almost burst out a mini-wolf. She's almost eating as much as us too. Only another four months and we will have our baby. I've been calling it September (she's due on the 2__nd__), just for now. I even went out and bought some wood, to make a little toy of some sort for it. Any ideas?_

_Call me, please._

_Jake._

* * *

_Nearly three months Bella, and you haven't even bothered to call. Dad told me to stop writing to you, but I don't want to. I want you to know all of the news when you get back, so we only have time to make up. If you still want to…_

_You're making me worry. Please call. I think this will be my last letter. I've written a ton more, but I couldn't send them. I think I just like how it feels to put thoughts on paper. Once they're not it my head, the guys can't read them. I hate them being in my head all of the time. Although they haven't been such asses since their major fuck-up._

_I really hope your enjoying Florida, well, you must be, Bells. _

_I feel lost, probably because I'm praying these letters have been lost in the post but I have a feeling they aren't. no, I know they aren't. Because Charlie was talking to Dad about how he was on the phone with you. About how he said 'Jake's keeping well.', and you said, 'I know'. _

_But me being lost isn't the half of it. It hurts that's your away and won't even talk to me. It really kills me. I can do nothing but go for long runs to clear my head. I think I made Canada somewhere the other day. Then Sam ordered me home again. Patrol's to do because he's looking after Emily more and more. _

_This just won't work, all of this writing I'm doing. I don't think I ever wrote this much in school. Oh, by the way, I have left school. I haven't had the time, not with patrols. I think when things calm down here, I'll try do a course, maybe. I'd like to work on cars for real, not just jobs for the guys._

_I hope you are keeping okay, and Renee. Charlie is missing you too, that's for sure._

_Bye, Bells._

_Jake._

* * *

_Dear Bella,_

_I know I said I wouldn't write again, but its been six months. Charlie said you're staying extra, so I thought I'd catch you up. _

_It's been sunny here for some time and Emily is complaining of being too hot all the time. She refuses to cook us any food, so Kim has offered to come and do it for us. Emily just sits all day and winces, she is suffering badly, this is a big baby. Sam is worried for her. The reason I'm talking about this is I have just spent ten hours straight with Sam on patrol, so it's hard to get it out of my head. Anyway, only another two months and there we have it, a baby. We are all convinced it will be a boy, but how can you be sure. Emily has bought all white things for it, Sam showed me._

_So how are you? Congratulations on graduating. All of the pack say it too. Emily says as soon as she's able, she'll make you a cake, so that she can celebrate it with you. I talked about it with her for hours the other night. She couldn't sleep, and I was just back from the woods. We talked about how much we would love to throw you a party when you get home. How much I miss you. How much I want you back here. It's the first time in my life to have actually spilled my guts out to Emily for real. I tell her things always, but not that stuff. She kind of helped me. _

_Leah also said to say that when you're back, go and see her because her Mom is emptying her old clothes and she said she used to be your size. It's a wonder your Dad didn't say, he's been spending a lot of time with Sue. Dad says it's been good for Sue to find a friend in your father. God knows she needed it._

_Anyway Bells, I'm cutting this letter off. _

_I can't wait for you to come HOME. _

_Jake._

* * *

_Hey Bella,_

_It's Emily. God, it feels weird to be writing this letter after all this time. I know you're coming home soon, so don't hurry to write back. I just wanted to tell you all about how we've all been. And I am so excited for you to return._

_I hope you are okay with me writing to you, and for me stealing your address over Jake's shoulder. He writes a lot these days. Speaking of which, I was chatting with him the other night. He seems really down. Not even in his old kind of way where he would just freeze up. He's all… soft? I don't know how to explain it. He's like a pushover, too nice all the time, too polite, not his usual Jake at all. And the guys have him run ragged with patrols, but he just keeps going. He spends his spare time in the garage and then writing, I assume to you._

_Just call him Bella. For me? Oh, I need you home by the way, to help me decorate the baby's room. We have another while, but I'm so excited. I can't wait for it to meet us all, and especially you. Because I am so proud of you Bella, and I am so ashamed of us. I really hope you can forgive us. _

_I hear you've graduated, well done. We will have a party. At my place. And it will be great. Kim can help me make some of my cakes and muffins and then we'll get all dressed up and do it properly. So, please say you'll come?_

_We have new wolf girls now, but I would say you know. There's me, Kim, Rachael, Sara, Beth and Claire. Sara is Brady's imprint. She's a very nice girl, just maybe not suitable for my kitchen. And you know Rachael, Jake's sister from when you were little. And of course, Beth, she's Colin's girlfriend, sort-of. He didn't imprint on her, but she's the daughter of a council member and somehow she knows everything. They are mainly very… animalistic. To say the least. Ha. Claire is Quil's imprint and she's still only a baby. Quil is such a nanny right now, but he makes a perfect one._

_Right, I have to end this letter, my baby is kicking and I am seriously hungry. And it's roasting, so I think I'll go take a shower. Kim sends her best wishes, as does Seth. He's here now, helping me around the house because Sam is away._

_All our thoughts,_

_Emily. x_

* * *

**_A.N: Hey, It's been too long... Sorry._**


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26: Arrival**

All of the car windows were down. Breeze blew loudly into my ears as I tried to hear the radio over the ruckus of Renee humming softly as she drove and maps blowing around in the backseat. My hair was whipped about my face, stinging my cheeks and my eyes. My eyes which were scrunched up against the wind and it so strong in my way. But I loved this. This feeling of freedom. I ignored the slight twinge in my stomach at the prospect of going home again. Just for now, this drive was perfect.

We stopped at a gas station and grabbed lots of junk food. Just what we needed as the evening drew in, looming ever closer as we reached closer and closer to Forks. Rain capital of the world. We could see the black clouds even now. Drawing in together over the dense woods in the distance. I didn't want to think about those woods just yet. We were less than an hour away. So close to home, yet feeling farther away than I ever had in my life.

Renee was singing now, belting out tune after tune, anything she could think of. I was used to her eccentricities now. Over the course of my stay, she had brought me on ten excursions, to four different new exercise classes and to nineteen failed attempts at sky-diving. On one such excursion, we were at a water park. Renee had wanted to go so she could fly off of a slide into the pool. But she chickened out, and instead spoke to the pool attendant for most of the day while I slowly roasted in the sun.

The sun, though, I was not used to. My skin had become slightly darker since my trip, and I was grateful for that. People didn't look at me while I was there and think: tourist. I was also slightly less clumsy. Working in that café had helped my awkwardness. It had been so busy, all of the time and so I hadn't the choice to be clumsy. That and we had to pay for breakages. On my first week, I owed them fifty bucks worth of crockery.

I thought about school there too, as we drew ever closer to that wood. I hadn't made any friends that I would have liked to have even kept in touch with. There was one girl that I sat with in Algebra, and she helped me out a lot, but she was not into being sociable, or talking about anything that didn't involve using your calculator to find the answer. Patricia was her name. She had glossy black hair and dark skin, which everyone was jealous of. But getting conversation from her was like drawing blood from a stone. Impossible.

Renee and Phil had been great though. They helped me with college applications. And, though I applied everywhere across the continent, I still had a part of me wishing to go to Peninsula College and do a course in cookery. It just seemed to be calling to me. I could stay with Charlie and maybe someday open my own business from it. I knew I could be good enough. I had cooked a lot for Renee, as it turned out, she didn't do it much herself. That wasn't a shock to me though; the shock was finding out that she ate a lot of junk. A lot. I was nearly sick when she suggested take out two nights in a row, and she told me she had it most nights.

For my graduation, we went to fancy restaurant. Phil treated us to a four-course meal and then afterwards we went and saw a movie. It was all very nice, but it was hard putting on a happy face all evening. I didn't want to go the party the other seniors were having, it just didn't seem right when I would never see these people again, I hoped. None of them had been very welcoming and as I started in the middle of term, everyone had their friends made. Not that I minded. I got mostly A's and B's all year. Lying on the porch of Mom's house in the shade studying all weekend did me the world of good.

I now had to worry about my friends back home. I had cleared my head of them these past months. But now I realised they weren't going to be like the letters I stuffed into my pillowcase so I could read them every night when no one else could see. They weren't like those letters that could be ignored, that couldn't speak or that I had to speak back to. I could push them aside and deal with them as I saw fit. But now the box they were locked in in a dark corner of my mind was opening. And all hell was breaking loose. Those letters turned into the faces of all my friends, and looked at me angrily. I don't know why I thought they would be angry. I knew they wouldn't. They had no right. They couldn't make me uncomfortable anymore.

I am no longer weak Bella Swan. I am strong and I will stand up for myself. Wolf temper or no wolf temper. But I still wasn't so sure…

'Bella, honey, we're nearly there. Will I stop at a diner and we can freshen up? Maybe have a coffee or get take out for Charlie?'

Mom's high pitched voice sliced through my thoughts. I nodded to her and gave her a weak smile. Weak, weak when I needed to be strong. I wish I could have just said yes to her, a simple word. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her then; it was sad knowing she would be leaving again tomorrow. But only because I had spent so much time with her now. Forks was still the only place that had ever felt like home to me, be it run over with monsters or not.

My cell started chiming in my pocket just as I thought of Forks, and it was the chief of police. Charlie was calling.

'Hey Bella. You nearly here? I'm almost home, so I hope you haven't beaten me. I got caught up with a missing hiker, but its okay. He just got lost and walked the wrong trail. One of the guys got him over on the east side of the forest. Anyway, how far have you come?' His voice was nervous and antsy. He sounded worried and excited, all of these things at the same time.

'Hey Dad. Yeah, we're about twenty minutes away. Just stopping for some grub, you want some? We could all eat it together?'

Charlie agreed and the call ended swiftly, just in time to stretch my legs from our awfully long drive. But Renee had had to drive as she was visiting friends in the way home, in another town. So, she had insisted. And I was able to bring my whole new wardrobe home; Renee would have liked Alice Cullen.

The Cullens. I hadn't thought of them for so long. I hadn't even checked my emails while I was with Renee. I never understood why I had gotten so attached to them, but they would always be people I would care about, regardless of the fact that they weren't people per se.

All thoughts of vampires were forced from my mind as we neared closer and closer to Forks. I kept my eyes on the edge of the forest along the highway. All I could see were dense trees with signposts sticking out every so often. The trees were waving to me again, always happy here where the sun lived. Always dancing here, the wind choosing each and every sway and dance. The travelling cars making them excited, shimmering their branches from side to side rapidly every time someone was speeding along.

A flash of brown fur. Dark brown fur. Oh no. Who was it? My head was spinning; I couldn't think which one it was. Now they knew I was back. I knew they had an idea I was returning this week, but I had asked Charlie to keep it quiet, so I would have a few days to myself when I returned. I was panicking.

But strong Bella came to the fore. She said, no, calm yourself. Who cares? Who cares if they see you? It doesn't mean they have a right to come speak to you. Any of them. Not for a while. Not until you are ready.

My breathing calmed and the knot I hadn't realised that formed in my stomach eased off. Renee looked at me as if to say I was crazy. She must have noticed. I just smiled timidly and muttered about being excited to be back. We were almost there. Only two streets away now, I hadn't noticed Renee pulling off from the highway and heading straight for home.

The house still looked the same as it appeared in front of me. I breathed a sigh of relief. Not so much could have changed. Charlie came out through the door just as we pulled into the driveway behind his cruiser. He waved and ran at me when I got out of the car to give me a hug. I hugged him back. It was seldom Charlie and I got to spend a moment like this.

'I missed you Dad.' I whispered into his ear then he let go giving me a watery smile. He grabbed the bags from the car and brought them inside, Renee and I following along. The former overloaded with bags of take out from the diner. I went up to my room, which was exactly as I had left it – lifeless. And cold, my window was wide open. Charlie must have been airing it out for me. I closed it and threw my bags on the floor. I lay back on the bed kicking my shoes off and throwing my legs up in the air. It was good to be back. Once things stayed this easy. Charlie getting fed downstairs and I could lie here in perfect silence for the night.

I heard them call me downstairs, so I had to go. On the way down the steps, I heard a bang. I jumped, but put it down to Renee's kitchen skills. When I entered the kitchen, sure enough the two of them were sat at the table, and the food was left on the counter between them. I immediately took the food and began dishing it out, throwing the plates one after another into the microwave. Charlie thanked me when I handed him over his heated meal, as did Renee. We sat there for the night, just chatting and being together. The three of us never got to hang out like that and be happy together. So it was nice.

It got darker and darker outside. I'm not even sure what time it was. Renee was going to sleep on the couch tonight, so I got out some spare sheets for her. She left the room to get changed when the phone rang.

Stupidly I answered it.

'Swan Residence?' I said happily, not thinking about how I hadn't wanted anyone to know I was home. 'Hello?'

I heard a gulp on the other end. A hoarse voice spoke back to me.

'B- Bella?' Was all it said. But I knew that voice, hoarse or not, it was Jacob. 'Bella – Bells, is that you?' Hearing his voice was like twisting daggers through my heart. It reminded me of nights spent pining over his letters, none of which I had replied to. It made me think of times in Florida where I could do nothing but think of him, of his voice, of his warmth. I could hear the hopeful agony in his voice, that pleading note that sent me back to my numb state as before. I couldn't let myself go back there, not when it was my first day with Charlie.

'Bella? Bella, answer me. Please.'

'Not yet…' That was all I could muster. A meaningless statement to him, but for me it meant a lot that I could tell him I couldn't speak to him yet. I heard his indignation as I hung up the receiver. It echoed in my ears, that lonely growl that always escaped his lips when he was in pain.

I leaned against the counter in the kitchen. My breaths coming fast and hard and my heart pounding in my chest, aching to go and see him. I remembered opening his letters. At first I had been so frustrated that I never even read them properly. I was so angry at the pack for what they had done to me. I never had known them to be selfish people, until then. As I had cut open the envelope the tears streamed down my face. And I let them. I didn't hold back from my emotions, not when I was so alone in Florida. Nobody could judge me on what I said or did or how I felt because I never gave them the chance. I didn't know how I could be with Jacob and not speak to any of the pack. But I did know it was going to be hard.

'Who was on the phone, Bells?' Charlie entered the room and looked questioningly at me. The look I gave him said enough. He simply took the phone and as I watched he dialled Billy's number. I knew it off by heart even now, having threatened to call him day after day.

'Hey Billy, did someone call for me?' I could hear Billy's slow thoughtful voice speaking back to Charlie, telling him something. Charlie's eyes widened as he listened. 'Right now? It's been a long day Billy, and it's nearly twelve o clock!'

And I knew what was coming then. Well, who was coming. My worst nightmare. Just for the moment anyway. I didn't want to see him. Not now. I wanted to get settled back home first. I glanced back at Charlie as I ascended the stairs. He had his head hanging as he eyed the front door like something could burst through it any second. I knew better. Jacob Black was not one who usually used doors.

I entered my room for the second time tonight. I swiftly changed for bed and then dawdled around a bit, picking up some things from my bags. As I passed the window I stopped. Should I open it?

Opening it meant letting him in, and I knew he was waiting for it. If I opened this window, it would mean the drama had to start way earlier than I wanted it to. It would mean I was being dragged back into that world where once I belonged. It would mean feeling his warmth near me again. It would mean fighting for what I truly wanted - fighting with myself.

On the other hand, leaving it shut could cause more problems. But it would sedate them for a while. I couldn't hide behind a window, so I knew I would have to face it sometime. I had so wanted to spend some quality time with Charlie before having to lie to him some more. I had wanted to be home for a long time, relaxing before making that excursion where I knew I needed to go.

But right now, I had decided.

What an arrival.

* * *

_**A.N. - Review? Let me know what you think, I've been dormant for so long :)**_


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